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Intruders In My House

Blogs > Wohmfg
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Wohmfg
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United Kingdom1292 Posts
April 18 2010 23:19 GMT
#1
So last night, I was happily watching proleague in my flat at about 5am or so. I was fucking pumped because + Show Spoiler +
it was motherfucking Stork vs. Light, and PvT is my favourite MU to play and watch
. Suddenly I hear some loud bangs and crashes coming from my corridor/kitchen, and I think wtf, I'm the only one occupying my block of flats right now. The door to the apartment sometimes doesn't close properly, but I never worry about it because I live in an area surrounded by students and I don't really worry about being robbed, but right now I was like FFFFFFFFUUUUUU, why don't I close my stupid fucking door every night? I live in student flats in similar style to student halls, so I have a shared kitchen and 5 rooms off a corridor. Normally there's this German guy I live with but he was still back in Germany for the holidays, and I'm thinking it's unlikely he's coming back now, at 5 in the morning, apparently drunk. So at this point I lock the door to my room (It's a retarded latch that means you can get locked out of your room really easily if you don't have your key when you're just going to the kitchen, so I leave it off the latch. I got locked out of my room the first day I moved in and had to pay £45 to get someone to come out and let me back in, lol, and other people I've spoken to who live here have had similar experiences so I don't feel like a total dumbass.) and start looking around for a weapon cause I know there are knives lying around in my kitchen, and there's either a drunk dude in there wrecking the place or I'm getting robbed. All I can find is a Pyrex bowl and a lamp that I unplugged to wield like a club. I didn't fancy my chances. The only thing I don't want that fucker in there to get is my loaf of banana bread, which I had lovingly baked with my friend that day and was DELICIOUS, and the same friend's PS3. If he stole that then we'd literally have nothing to do together, apart from bake, lol.

I put my ear to my door to see if I can hear what's going on in the kitchen. It's all silent, and then I hear in a low voice, "hhhrrrrrnnnngggghhhh". Ok, I deduce that the man in there is intoxicated and the crashing and banging was probably him falling over. Now I feel a lot safer but I think why would somebody have come all the way up to the 9th floor and just start doing random shit in my kitchen. Then I remember that when I moved in, I was told by the landlady that there were actually TWO people already living in the apartment, but one of them was barely ever occupying it. So, probably stupidly, I go to sleep content that my stuff won't be getting stolen and happy with the thought in my head that the identity of the intruder has been solved.

This morning I go into the kitchen, wielding what I think will be my most effective weapon, the Pyrex bowl. I still don't feel safe. My thoughts from the night before enter my head; there could be knife wielding murderer in there, all my shit could be gone, there might be a hobo on my couch or a heroine addict ready to stab me with his AIDS infected needle! I actually had dreams about the last two in the night, rofl.

The kitchen is clear, but it's in a rather odd state. There is a definite, warm stench of urine in the air. The three cushions on the sofa have been piled into one tall stack. The PS3 is on, but the disc has been ejected, and is sticking half-way out (?!). Two of my chairs are on the floor. My banana bread is untainted, fuck yeah. I clean up the piss which was on the kitchen top, what a fucker, and now I'm just thinking WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. The door to my apartment was closed, so there are two things that might have happened:

1. My apartment door was locked and the intermittent occupier of one of the rooms had come back wasted and caused a motherfucking ruckus, and then gone to his room (unlikely, I haven't heard him moving around or anything and I got up about midday) to sleep off the effects of his raging night.

2. A random drunk guy/hobo/druggie managed to find my apartment, noticed the door was slightly ajar and come in and just stumbled around for a bit, and then left, closing the door behind him.

All I do know is that I will be locking all of my doors from now on! This mystery will probably never be solved.

***
BW4Life!
jello_biafra
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
United Kingdom6639 Posts
April 18 2010 23:25 GMT
#2
Man that fucking sucks, never happened to me although apparently one of my neighbours was robbed last year, not the kind of thing you'd expect to happen in this area...

I guess you learned a valuable lesson though, close and lock the door!
The road to hell is paved with good intentions | aka Probert[PaiN] @ iccup / godlikeparagon @ twitch | my BW stream: http://www.teamliquid.net/video/streams/jello_biafra
IndecisivePenguin
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States771 Posts
April 18 2010 23:29 GMT
#3
I'm sorry to hear about the incident.

But HELL YEAH. THE BREAD IS SAFE!

Haha but seriously, you should either lock your doors more or get some better weapons in your room.
3FFA
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States3931 Posts
April 18 2010 23:29 GMT
#4
It wasn't me or anyone affiliated with me or anyone I'm related to. Just wanted to get that out there. Now, LOL U WENT TO SLEEP WHEN U KNEW SOME GUY WAS IN YOUR HOUSE!*Laughs for 2-3 minutes then stops* LOL man, ur stupid. Anyways,
1. what game and...
2. Can u make me some banana bread or at least tell me ingredients and how u made it?
3. thx for piece of banana bread <3
"As long as it comes from a pure place and from a honest place, you know, you can write whatever you want."
Wohmfg
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United Kingdom1292 Posts
April 18 2010 23:35 GMT
#5
On April 19 2010 08:29 3FFA wrote:
It wasn't me or anyone affiliated with me or anyone I'm related to. Just wanted to get that out there. Now, LOL U WENT TO SLEEP WHEN U KNEW SOME GUY WAS IN YOUR HOUSE!*Laughs for 2-3 minutes then stops* LOL man, ur stupid. Anyways,
1. what game and...
2. Can u make me some banana bread or at least tell me ingredients and how u made it?
3. thx for piece of banana bread <3


Haha I know, but it was either go out there and possibly get stabbed or stay in my locked room safe and sleep. I actually barricaded my room door with a chair and a bag full of heavy shit LOL. I somehow convinced myself that my kitchen wasn't in any distress, and my hunches were kind of right.

1. Pro Evolution Soccer 2009. Best game ever, I've probably spent a few hours a day playing that with my friends whenever I'm at uni.

2. I dunno my friend has this epic cook book but I'm sure you can find a recipe online. If you give me your address I'll post you some next time I make some, I don't know what kind of state it will be in once it arrives though.
BW4Life!
DeathByMonkeys
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States742 Posts
April 18 2010 23:38 GMT
#6
Ahahahaha... great blog, 5/5
condoriano
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States826 Posts
April 18 2010 23:43 GMT
#7
Why didn't you call the cops?
Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat?
cz
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States3249 Posts
April 18 2010 23:47 GMT
#8
cliffs?
cz
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States3249 Posts
April 18 2010 23:48 GMT
#9
Read it and you're a huge moron for not calling the police.

Got weapon? Check
Locked door to your room and are in terror? Check
Called police? No because...
Wohmfg
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United Kingdom1292 Posts
April 18 2010 23:55 GMT
#10
On April 19 2010 08:43 condoriano wrote:
Why didn't you call the cops?


On April 19 2010 08:48 cz wrote:
Read it and you're a huge moron for not calling the police.

Got weapon? Check
Locked door to your room and are in terror? Check
Called police? No because...


Cause I came to the conclusion that it was my mystery housemate. I fell asleep feeling ok with that.

I live on the 9th floor, and term started about 8 months ago so I didn't feel like it would be someone mistaking my flat for someone else's. I figured everyone would know where they lived and what floor their room was on by now.

Looking back I probably should have called the police, but meh, what's done is done. Maybe I should have panicked more, for my own safety lol.
BW4Life!
condoriano
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States826 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-04-19 00:07:30
April 19 2010 00:06 GMT
#11
Maybe it was your housemate, who knows I like to keep a knife around just in case. And cops really won't bother you much even if you made a mistake, takes 20 minutes to clear things up.
Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat?
Faronel
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States658 Posts
April 19 2010 00:09 GMT
#12
It was a zombie!
C'est la vie...
IndecisivePenguin
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States771 Posts
April 19 2010 00:14 GMT
#13
On April 19 2010 09:09 Faronel wrote:
It was a zombie!


Of course! That explains why the bread wasn't touched! Banana bread is the universal zombie repellent! :D

They do enjoy some Pro Evolution Soccer 2009 from time to time though.
Wohmfg
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United Kingdom1292 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-04-19 00:21:35
April 19 2010 00:18 GMT
#14
On April 19 2010 09:06 condoriano wrote:
Maybe it was your housemate, who knows I like to keep a knife around just in case. And cops really won't bother you much even if you made a mistake, takes 20 minutes to clear things up.


Haha yeah, true that. They were probably pretty quiet at that time on a Sunday morning anyway, but maybe it's a bad thing that the thought crossed my mind that I might be wasting police time.

Lol, I just remembered the last time I had a drunk intruder in my house. I was back home watching TV with my mum and we heard who we thought was my brother coming in the front door. We thought it was odd that he didn't come in and say hi, so I went to go check out wtf was happening cause whoever it was in the house was going up the stairs rather clumsily. There was this 40 year old guy at the top of the stairs mumbling shit in what seemed to be Polish. I was like "errr, mum there's a Polish guy in our house, I'm calling the police". While I phoned the police my mum went fucking aggro on this guy and started screaming at him to get out of her house. "Get down here now! Why are you in my house?! GET OUT!" ROFL. He ended up passed out on our bathroom floor wrapped in a rug. My mum followed him and continued to insist that he leave. He wasn't really listening. Eventually the police turned up, like 20 minutes later. -______________- Edit: I actually had to call them like 4 fucking times telling them to hurry up. They kept telling me they would be like 5 minutes, faggots.

He was just a confused Polish immigrant who thought that our house was his, he kept telling the police that our house was his house.
BW4Life!
AyeH
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States534 Posts
April 19 2010 00:33 GMT
#15
I'm sorry but college students are one of the biggest thieves ever. Always be super careful.
Is it in you?
IndecisivePenguin
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States771 Posts
April 19 2010 00:40 GMT
#16
You could always set up some static defense before you go to bed too.
nttea
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Sweden4353 Posts
April 19 2010 00:41 GMT
#17
What are the odds of someone actually dangerous entering your house? you will die of cancer 10000 times over before that happens, you guys all fucking relax dudes.
Xxio
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Canada5565 Posts
April 19 2010 00:42 GMT
#18
On April 19 2010 09:33 G4T0R4D3 wrote:
I'm sorry but college students are one of the biggest thieves ever. Always be super careful.


This is so true.
I doubt it was a hobo or something like that because food/expensive items would be gone, could just be an asshole but even then weird that he would spend so much time in your place.
KTY
NarutO
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
Germany18839 Posts
April 19 2010 00:45 GMT
#19
Thanks god the bread is unharmed, lol!
CommentatorPolt | MMA | Jjakji | BoxeR | NaDa | MVP | MKP ... truly inspiring.
SilentCrono
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States1420 Posts
April 19 2010 01:19 GMT
#20
well at least you didn't get hurt.
♞ Your soul will forever be lost in the void of a horse. ♞
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