EPT
A (musical) review I wrote...
| Blogs > Sunny Afternoon |
|
Katkishka
United States662 Posts
| ||
|
sharkeyanti
United States1273 Posts
- Use fewer commas - Do not refer to the artist by his first name. - There is no reason to say "in my opinion," that's the point of the review. Redundancy is much worse than you might think. - The "Triangular Orbit" paragraph should be attatched to the paragraph preceding it if you phrase it that way. If you want to keep it separate, be more clear about how it is thrown in. - Good use of verbs, you've got that set fairly well. - Using "To start," has no purpose unless we really need to see direction. But we understand that this is the first song you are talking about. Sometimes it seems like you are varying up your sentences, but it really says the rest of your sentence is weakly designed. Remove "All in all" and such. - In general, take out the fluff and always think about whether you are arguing or describing. A reviewer does both, so you need a balance that informs the reader/potential listener clearly. This review is good and fairly well-organized, but not something I would reference or rely on if I had never listened to the guy, which I have not. | ||
|
Katkishka
United States662 Posts
Oh, and can you give me a good example of "- In general, take out the fluff and always think about whether you are arguing or describing. A reviewer does both, so you need a balance that informs the reader/potential listener clearly."? I don't quite understand what you mean there, so a visual (see: readable) example would be great. | ||
|
sharkeyanti
United States1273 Posts
| ||
|
Katkishka
United States662 Posts
Just thought I'd let you know that your efforts didn't go to waste. ^_^ | ||
|
sharkeyanti
United States1273 Posts
| ||
| ||
