EPTTHREE vitally significant points to keep engrave in your mind before continuing, to avoid horrendous failure in the most epic nature:
1. Before talking to the prospect GF / current female friend in question, make sure you are relatively drunk. You should be at a state where you feel relatively daring, yet not totally intoxicated to the point where you can no longer perform a well-rehearsed speech with emotional acting elements imbedded.
2. The same state of mind should be rigorously strived for, for the prospect GF candidate.
3. You should look approximately 20x better than the usual nerdy gamer self; be it 2-weeks of acne medication, $300 new clothing, height-adding shoes, or even make-up
, Just. Get. It. Done. JUST DO IT.
Here is the GODLY and GOLDEN act, my friend, is a fucking genius. He should get a billion fucking medals for enlightening the male human race, and be shot for increasing the rate of increase of the human population for the massive acceleration of the rate of sexual intercourse.
Quote, to the best of my extremely humble and often erroneous memory:
<<<
'"insert girl's name here", hey, can I talk to you about something?'
Pause, act embarrassed and shy.
Wait for response, 99.99% of times resulting in "sure, what is it?"
"Um..." pause, with more dramatic hesitation, but slowly building up tension and a gradual and noticeable elevation in forced confidence.
"Oh god, I know I'll probably murder myself with overwhelming regret tomorrow, but I just have to talk to you about something before my chest finally explode into a billion little shattered pieces".
GF-soon-be-soon, response, "Okay... wow... never really seen you this way before, what's troubling you so ferociously?"
"I..." pause again, look down at the floor, pretend to appear almost-about-to-faint, stare at her straight in her beautiful and crystal clear eyes, looking suddenly brimming with confidence and compassion, and say to her, in your deepest, manliest, most charming, and highest-apm voice, "I know this is straight out of the deepest blues, I know it will probably jeopardize our amazing friendship, I know I'll probably punch myself in the punch multiple times tomorrow morning, I knowwwwwwwwwwww (yes, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy and heavy emphasize on the "know") I am being incredibly irrational at the moment, but more importantly, above all, (insert a pause lasting EXACTLY 3 seconds in length), I know that I love you."
Before the achingly gorgeous creature has a chance to sink in what you have just "disclosed" to her, let alone respond with a semi-logical response (aka rejection), continue your well-executed masterpiece.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god... Ugh!!!!! (insert chuckle, as if even YOU can't believe how incredibly ridiculous you sounded; a mere starcrafty and nerdy you trying to hit on this 9.5/10 female organism) I can't believe I just said that to you... I'm sorry, oh god I'm so stupid (insert the aforementioned painful chuckle again).
Insert heavy sigh, "look I guess all I'm trying to say is that everything in my life is going horribly wrong at the moment, and, well, you're the only bright beacon of hope that still keeps me walking. In fact, if there was a happiness scale, all the other unpleasantness in my life would amount to a negative 1, where you would amount to a postively postive 99.99999999 percent. Not only are you absolutely and undeniably gorgeous, but also you're smart, sensitive, caring, and just... Ugh I don't even know how to describe you, but you're just perfect in every single way that is imaginable. I know we're friends and I'm committing friend-cest, but we're always having such an amazing time together, and I would regret it even more than the shame of rejection if the dream girl of my life ended up with another."
Look compassionate, yet calm and charming, and shooting the final killing-blow question, "So 'insert XX's name', what do you say to to lunch/dinner tomorrow night? What do you say to us? What do you say to happiness and love?"
Response, "OMFGZ0RS? YOU SERIOUS? OFC!!!! HAVE MY BABIES AND GIVE ME CHILDRENSZ0RS RIGHT NAWWWWW!!!" Followed by years of amazing sex to come.
>>> end of script.
Additional notes:
- This is guaranteed to work on ANY female within 10 points of your attractiveness rating (i.e., if you're 0/10 aka a fat, fugly, smelly, unintelligent, nerdy troll, or if you're a SC gamer, then it's guaranteed to work even on someone that's 10/10).
- Although it will work within 10 points, it's up to you to keep and continue the relationship after she's all sober and kicking herself for falling for a nerdy you. Two suggestions of continuation of the relationship: Quit Starcraft, and quit Starcraft. Let's face it, even having 800eapm is never going to get you laid.
- At any point of your speech/act, if the friend/GF candidate start to laugh, walkaway, act apathetic, look deeply revolted, bored, annoyed or horrified, press Ctrl+QQ IMMEDIATELY and run out the door crying. Then proceed to make new smurfs on bnet and iccup and slaughter ~10 noobs to restore your lost dignity, and more importantly find some new friends. Of course this scenario only happens erm, never, so it is only included for reference purposes and doesn't not deserve your slightest attention.
Good luck gentlemen, if you've read this far, then at this point, they're just sitting ducks for the picking.
GL HF GG.
