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Note to myself: No matter how good things seem, don't ever make another blog about how good everything is. Karma.
So we'll start with the girl.. I talked to her at school during a history club party. Romantic, right? It was obvious we both liked each other and we both admitted as much. However, she said that since she was leaving for college in 6 months, she was hesitant to get into a relationship. Initially, her answer to my request to be my girlfriend was no. After talking for a while more, she said something like "well actually I think I want to give it a try." We were one, we were a couple. 10 minutes later? Not so much. She changed her mind again and said she couldn't do this.
I got home from the party and freaked out.. and as a big mistake, wrote her a long message on Facebook (she has no texting, I SHOULD have said it all to her that night but since I didn't and I had to say some stuff). The message was just me explaining myself.. the thing that gave me hope was the fact that she had at one point said yes. However, it reeked of desperation, but at the time I didn't care. We talked about it a little bit more and she's keeping her answer. I can tell she's hurt by all of this (not as much as me, though) so as mean as this sounds, I at least don't feel terrible since I know I'm not the only one being affected and she liked me, just as I liked her.
Although in all honesty, I hate her reasons. I know she only has six or seven months.. I told her that we could find out that it wouldn't work out in that time, but if it did then we could potentially have something amazing and worth keeping. She said she saw my point of view but didn't agree with it. The thing that kills me in all of this is if I had asked her out a while ago, rather than waiting, things might just be different. That just kills me. However, over break she was gone a lot so we couldn't do anything.. there was one night at the start of break where we were at a bowling alley with a group of people and I think that was my chance, and that's going to haunt me.
Obviously I'm heartbroken. I can't eat anything (all day I've had about 3 poptarts and that's it) and I don't get much joy out of anything (more of this later). I don't know.. it just kills me to think that if I had made a move a long time ago, it could be different. If you're actually reading this, remember this: don't procrastinate. Make your move as soon as you can when you feel the time is right.. you won't regret it.
Back to the heartbroken thing.. as foolish as it sounds, I just feel like I'll never meet anyone like her again. That obviously sounds incredibly stupid and wrong but I just loved everything about her.. I hope I'm wrong on that. I've been heartbroken before after my last "girlfriend" broke up with me, but I could handle that after a while cause there were things that I learned over time that made me realize that it was for the better. But this.. I don't know, I really thought this had the opportunity to be amazing.
It affects every other part of my life too. This IS a Starcraft site after all.. I can't enjoy playing it at all lately. All I've done the past few days when I was home is kinda just sit here listening to music.. when I have played Starcraft I usually just off-race as Zerg and do extremely weird builds, or I play PvT and just cheese them. I hope this feeling passes quickly, but deep down inside I know it won't. Of course I'm not telling the entire story, there's more to it.. but basically I was feeling down until the day I talked to a different girl about it and she changed my perspective on everything.. I KNEW I was going to make a move, which I did, but I thought the outcome would be different. Let me tell you though, for those 10-15 minutes, I was the happiest guy in the world.
What's also sucks is that the team I'm on, sMi, pretty much died during this time too. I'm hoping once I get motivated to play this game again, I can at least work on upping my skill just cause I love the idea of being on a team and playing clan wars, etc.
I don't want to end this on a down note, though.. Today I met with my boss for this evaluation thing. I think he's alright but he's never been my favorite person.. I don't know why, but at the end (and I know he wasn't just making this up), he started telling me about how good I have it.. he said I'm a pretty good looking guy with a lot to look forward to in life and that I need to carry around some confidence to show for it. I'm all for being confident but no one has EVER told me that.. and I dunno, although I'm hurt right now, I think that just might be the exact thing I needed to hear.
 
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On January 10 2010 08:46 Romanian from wrote:
are u sMi.ShoX?
Thats his signature
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smi is never dead, the forums will always be active
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On January 10 2010 09:09 zulu_nation8 wrote:
smi is never dead, the forums will always be active
true, but hasn't the team playing-wise been pretty much dead for quite a bit? especially compared to say a year ago...
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If you STILL feel theres any chance, think of something to surprise her and show her how far youd ridiculously go to be with her even for the short while. Her reaction to it could be a litmus test, if she reacts apathetic to your efforts then it's all probably not worth it. If you get even the slightest positive reaction, theres hope.
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On January 10 2010 09:45 FireBlast! wrote:
If you STILL feel theres any chance, think of something to surprise her and show her how far youd ridiculously go to be with her even for the short while. Her reaction to it could be a litmus test, if she reacts apathetic to your efforts then it's all probably not worth it. If you get even the slightest positive reaction, theres hope.
I don't know man, honestly I think it's pretty much done. I still don't even know where I'm going to college.. part of me wants to go where she is (Oklahoma State) just for this, but then I take a step back and think about how dumb that would be that I'm basing my future around a girlfriend that might not even end up working out.
I feel like this has all been so played out though that by now it's useless to talk more about it or do anything about it.. it's going to be weird seeing her and stuff (although I never see her at school so yeah) but I don't know.
The only thing I will say is that if she does date a guy before she leaves for college... I'll have something to say.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Sounds like she's not interested at all, and is letting you know in a nice way. Stop pursuing her and move on. You've already made it incredibly clear that your are interested, if she ever changes her mind she will make the move, bugging her will accomplish nothing but push her further away.
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On January 10 2010 09:51 Snet wrote:
Sounds like she's not interested at all, and is letting you know in a nice way. Stop pursuing her and move on. You've already made it incredibly clear that your are interested, if she ever changes her mind she will make the move, bugging her will accomplish nothing but push her further away.
I know this sounds really selfish, but I can assure you she is interested, or was at one point (I think she still is). But like I said I feel I waited too long.
But yeah I definitely agree.. we're both done talking about it.
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On January 10 2010 08:43 GoShox wrote:
or I play PvT and just cheese them.
Uhhh this is all I remember from the OP.
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In all seriousness though, think about it dude. Why do you really think she ended up not staying with you while shes in college? I hate to say it, but she'd probably meet a really hot/charming/funny guy and cheat on you. I cannot even begin to tell you how often that scenario happens.
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is awesome32277 Posts
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W8 i dont get it, how long have you known her, and in what way? What sort of indication has she given that she's into you? What do you mean by "my request to be my girlfriend"? cause that does not sound one bit right unless you're 13 or maybe 14 years old.
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On January 10 2010 09:50 GoShox wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2010 09:45 FireBlast! wrote:
If you STILL feel theres any chance, think of something to surprise her and show her how far youd ridiculously go to be with her even for the short while. Her reaction to it could be a litmus test, if she reacts apathetic to your efforts then it's all probably not worth it. If you get even the slightest positive reaction, theres hope. I don't know man, honestly I think it's pretty much done. I still don't even know where I'm going to college.. part of me wants to go where she is (Oklahoma State) just for this, but then I take a step back and think about how dumb that would be that I'm basing my future around a girlfriend that might not even end up working out. I feel like this has all been so played out though that by now it's useless to talk more about it or do anything about it.. it's going to be weird seeing her and stuff (although I never see her at school so yeah) but I don't know. The only thing I will say is that if she does date a guy before she leaves for college... I'll have something to say.
If she's putting you through this much trouble, then you should ALREADY know it isn't going to work out. If she ends up dating someone else, well, you could yell at her if you like, but it's probably better to just ignore her for the rest of time. And if you believe it's over, that'll negatively influence your actions even if you do rationally decide you still want to go for it.
When you go to college, no matter where you go, you'll be overloaded with new and interesting experiences, people, etc. Going to a college after a girl you're not sure about will blind you to all the possibilities you have. If you sincerely believe that you'll never meet another girl like her, then keep her contact info and call her up some break to reconnect after you've experienced college life for a year or two.
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She's not in to you. Think of it this way: even if you only had 1 week before she left you'd want to be with her, right? Because you're way into her. 6 months is a super long time. You don't want a girl you really like to settle for you, it will just end really badly for you.
You've learned an important lesson and there will be better girls in the future as well as girls that are totally crazy about you. If you're lucky they'll even be the same girls. Get out of the house and get something better to eat, you'll be over it sooner than you think.
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Yeah, I'm starting to think that after the night that I asked her out and stuff, I think that started to all turn her off when we kept talking about it. I acted pretty weird during that time just cause I cared so much about it.. I guess I forgot to add a really important part, I saw her and her friend the day after the night (so yesterday, Friday) at Walmart.. I was so surprised and I walked right past them, but I just looked around. That's not something I would normally do.. I'm usually a very social person and say hi and talk to people all the time.. I apologized to her for it later but I'm pretty sure that did a lot of damage as well.
It's probably for the better that all of this happened just cause in retrospect I was acting realllly strange.
On January 10 2010 10:25 hifriend wrote:
W8 i dont get it, how long have you known her, and in what way? What sort of indication has she given that she's into you? What do you mean by "my request to be my girlfriend"? cause that does not sound one bit right unless you're 13 or maybe 14 years old.
I know for sure she was in to me at one point.. through her friends plus the way she acted around me and the way we would just talk and flirt with each other. And I just asked her out.. it wasn't like some middle school thing haha.
On January 10 2010 10:11 IntoTheWow wrote:
sMi.... B+ only!
They really needed players 
Anyways, especially mucker, d3_crescentia, and Snet.. thanks for the advice and tips. I guess come to think about it, maybe by now she's not in to me, and maybe that's what everything revolved around.. I hate to admit it, but that could be the truth. Like I said I know she was in to me at one point, hence why she said yes at one point when I asked her, but yeah.
Like I said I'm going to leave her alone from now. We'll still see each other sometimes.. so I kind of wonder how it's going to be.
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EPT
