EPTOne night, when I thought everybody had gone to sleep, my wife caught me doing something really embarrassing. It wasn’t my fault really. I was just watching TV when I happened to come across a certain late-night movie. I got swept up in the moment and couldn’t control myself.
My wife, Tanya, caught me watching Beaches. And I was bawling my eyes out. I don’t mean a few tears silently rolling down my cheeks. I mean a full-on blubber-fest.
The worst part is that I didn’t even realize my wife had walked into the family room and had been standing there watching me long enough to see me blow my nose into my shirt and throw it on the floor. I only noticed her out of the corner of my eye when I reached for another handful of jumbo Cheezies. I just froze — shirtless and slobbering.
We stayed like that, locked in time, for what felt like seven or eight months, until I finally starting chewing my Cheezies. It was at this point I noticed that my wife was wearing her I-won’t-hate-you-if-you-try-and-trick-me-into-having-sex pyjamas.
I’m going to confess something: I didn’t even want to have sex. I just wanted to cry. I tried for a moment to hold back the tears, but when I realized I was destroying a golden and precious opportunity to have sex, I started to cry even harder. My wife then did that thing where she huffs and blows her hair up from her eyes, and asked me if I wouldn’t mind putting my shirt in the washing machine and wiping the orange Cheezie powder off my chest before I came to bed. And then she left the room.
The worst part is that the next day my wife told her blabbermouth sister, who of course had to tell my father-in-law, who once killed a bear and likes to talk about it incessantly and now sometimes refers to me as The Eunuch. I’m still not totally sure what that is, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean bear killer.
Credit: http://spotlight.rogers.com/life/family/6359/sex-and-stay-home-dad
I posted this article because it was the first kinda article I ever actually read that made me giggle. I've been seeing a lot of dads around the mall lately looking miserable as they crouch by their kid's carriages waiting for their wife to finish shopping or tinkling. Sometimes I look at them and am not sure whether they are happy or not... and then I see this article. Fun =D
