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Generally, I see myself as a passive person. Anyway, as always, I've been thinking about that girl a lot. And girls are crazy, they'll say something as like a wink wink hint and then do something that would drive a guy mad, maybe I'm too sensitive but I get jealous rather quickly (which I do admit is not healthy)
So ideally, we would be together. But then, she is flirting with another guy; is it right to be jealous? The first thought that comes into my head is of course not! She's yours, and you should protect her and etc.
But then, if you really want your girl to be happy, why would you stop her? If a guy is hitting on her and she's okay with it, is it right to get jealous? The problem with that is that maybe during marriage or something, the girl is hanging out with another guy and it's not just a friendly term. Then I would see it as a huge problem but then it goes back to, if I want her to be happy, I shouldn't and couldn't stop her from doing what she's doing.
What do you all think? I've never been in a relationship so my question might be pretty naiive and stupid.
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The problem is your analyzing things way too much. Shut off your brain and let your natural instincts take over. Girls are weird everyone knows that, but if you never act you'll never know what the results could have been. This flirting thing could just be her being friendly towards people. Don't make the assumption that she wants a relationship with everyone that she is talking to/being friendly towards.
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Also your user name rather suits you... :D
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find out the thoughts of the guy that she is flirting with
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On November 17 2009 07:30 BuGzlToOnl wrote:
The problem is your analyzing things way too much. Shut off your brain and let your natural instincts take over. Girls are weird everyone knows that, but if you never act you'll never know what the results could have been. This flirting thing could just be her being friendly towards people. Don't make the assumption that she wants a relationship with everyone that she is talking to/being friendly towards.
Well what if she is flirting with a guy she wants a relationship with? I said hypothetically which would also mean ideal  I mean the whole question came up while thinking about relationships in general
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Russian Federation1208 Posts
Girls shouldn't be the greatest values for guys. You should want to be happy yourself rather than want her to be happy.
You should always express your feelings, this is the only way to build strong relationships. And if your expressed feelings push her away, you should just find another girl, which will accept you.
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kill the man. duh?
nah i kid. But dont just take it laying down man. Courting the opposite sex is an art AS well as a competition. Be the alpha male and let him know that she's your bitch
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If you really like her, then you have to convince her that you are better than whatever garbage she may find, including this guy. It's all about confidence, I know it's been said over and over again and it's cliché bla bla, but it's true.
So basically, fight for her man 
Edit: Lol apperently the guy above me beat me to it. Even though the layout was a little more rough. ^^
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On November 17 2009 07:45 DreaM)XeRO wrote:
kill the man. duh?
nah i kid. But dont just take it laying down man. Courting the opposite sex is an art AS well as a competition. Be the alpha male and let him know that she's your bitch
And if being the alpha male is impossible hit some shy/fugly bitch.
(untested advice)
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This is just me thinking, but the act of you being jealous is that you feel that the guy is superior to you? Prove yourself, even if it just to yourself. Prove that you are better than that guy, ideally to her (assuming she wasn't just being friendly).
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United States4796 Posts
Don't be jealous if you're better than that guy. BE better than that guy.
You can do it mate.
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On November 17 2009 07:30 BuGzlToOnl wrote:
The problem is your analyzing things way too much. Shut off your brain and let your natural instincts take over. Girls are weird everyone knows that, but if you never act you'll never know what the results could have been. This flirting thing could just be her being friendly towards people. Don't make the assumption that she wants a relationship with everyone that she is talking to/being friendly towards.
Shutting off your brain can get you in a lot of trouble when you're angry/jealous.
Communicate your state of mind and all your problems go away. If it bothers you tell her it bothers you. If she blows you off afterwards, then she's being inconsiderate. If she's "my poor wittle ilse0npurpose is unhappy", she'll stop or otherwise take the effort to reassure you in a way that it won't bother you anymore. If you tell her it becomes her problem.
And she's not "yours", stop being such a korean guy.
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On November 17 2009 07:57 igotmyown wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2009 07:30 BuGzlToOnl wrote:
The problem is your analyzing things way too much. Shut off your brain and let your natural instincts take over. Girls are weird everyone knows that, but if you never act you'll never know what the results could have been. This flirting thing could just be her being friendly towards people. Don't make the assumption that she wants a relationship with everyone that she is talking to/being friendly towards. Shutting off your brain can get you in a lot of trouble when you're angry/jealous.Communicate your state of mind and all your problems go away. If it bothers you tell her it bothers you. If she blows you off afterwards, then she's being inconsiderate. If she's "my poor wittle ilse0npurpose is unhappy", she'll stop or otherwise take the effort to reassure you in a way that it won't bother you anymore. If you tell her it becomes her problem. And she's not "yours", stop being such a korean guy.
i like this guy
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You have to be awesome enough that she'll never want to stray; however, that is soooo hard to get. I am of the opinion if a girl is down to cheat/be interested in others I have no right to stop her. I just have to be more awesome.
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On November 17 2009 07:57 igotmyown wrote:
And she's not "yours", stop being such a korean guy.
I didn't mean it in a personal way, just in general like if this was your situation. What should be the better way to say it?
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Some people, boy or girl, just are that way. I've had female friends getting told by their boyfriends that they shouldn't be so friendly with me and boyfriends telling me I shouldn't be so friendly with their girlfriends without me being so intentionally.
The way I and my female friends were told made both me and my friends dislike them. If you're going to say anything, do it smoothly. Don't be a douchebag.
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Free your mind, be honest, analyze it´s a word filled with maybe: who knows?
Don´t take yourself so seriously, do it if you are gonna do it or don´t if your not going to do it.
And what tells you there is right or wrong?
Maybe there is but you´ll never know it just like non of us will.
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I personally think it's a mistake to think loving someone and being in a relationship means wanting her to 'be happy' above all. Of course you want her to be happy, but not in a way that translates to 'I want her to be happy so my feelings and happiness don't matter'.
Reminds me of this old story. An old couple, married for 50 years, always eats bread for breakfast. He thinks she likes the bread crust the most, so he eats all the soft parts of the bread and leaves the crust for her, even though he doesn't really like the soft parts and loves the crust. She thinks he doesn't like the crust, because he always leaves it. So because she loves him, she eats the crust, even though she doesn't really like it. One day they die having missed lots of tasty bread in their life.
There are two lessons to be learned from this story. First, talking is key. But yeah, that's pretty obvious. Second, the way we are brought up makes us think that being egoistic is a bad thing, when actually it isn't necessarily. A relationship can never be healthy if one is unhappy, and that is bound to happen if you always put your significant others' feelings and desires before your own.
If one is unhappy, the other one will be unhappy too and so forth. Well what I'm trying to say is, always tell your partner what you want, what makes you happy and unhappy and DON'T think her feelings are more important than yours, because they are not. I know people think like that with good intentions but I don't think it's a productive and healthy way to lead a relationship.
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Russian Federation1208 Posts
On November 17 2009 08:27 snowbird wrote:
I personally think it's a mistake to think loving someone and being in a relationship means wanting her to 'be happy' above all. Of course you want her to be happy, but not in a way that translates to 'I want her to be happy so my feelings and happiness don't matter'.
Reminds me of this old story. An old couple, married for 50 years, always eats bread for breakfast. He thinks she likes the bread crust the most, so he eats all the soft parts of the bread and leaves the crust for her, even though he doesn't really like the soft parts and loves the crust. She thinks he doesn't like the crust, because he always leaves it. So because she loves him, she eats the crust, even though she doesn't really like it. One day they die having missed lots of tasty bread in their life.
There are two lessons to be learned from this story. First, talking is key. But yeah, that's pretty obvious. Second, the way we are brought up makes us think that being egoistic is a bad thing, when actually it isn't necessarily. A relationship can never be healthy if one is unhappy, and that is bound to happen if you always put your significant others' feelings and desires before your own.
If one is unhappy, the other one will be unhappy too and so forth. Well what I'm trying to say is, always tell your partner what you want, what makes you happy and unhappy and DON'T think her feelings are more important than yours, because they are not. I know people think like that with good intentions but I don't think it's a productive and healthy way to lead a relationship.
Damn right. I think in the same way.
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On November 17 2009 08:27 snowbird wrote:
I personally think it's a mistake to think loving someone and being in a relationship means wanting her to 'be happy' above all. Of course you want her to be happy, but not in a way that translates to 'I want her to be happy so my feelings and happiness don't matter'.
Reminds me of this old story. An old couple, married for 50 years, always eats bread for breakfast. He thinks she likes the bread crust the most, so he eats all the soft parts of the bread and leaves the crust for her, even though he doesn't really like the soft parts and loves the crust. She thinks he doesn't like the crust, because he always leaves it. So because she loves him, she eats the crust, even though she doesn't really like it. One day they die having missed lots of tasty bread in their life.
There are two lessons to be learned from this story. First, talking is key. But yeah, that's pretty obvious. Second, the way we are brought up makes us think that being egoistic is a bad thing, when actually it isn't necessarily. A relationship can never be healthy if one is unhappy, and that is bound to happen if you always put your significant others' feelings and desires before your own.
If one is unhappy, the other one will be unhappy too and so forth. Well what I'm trying to say is, always tell your partner what you want, what makes you happy and unhappy and DON'T think her feelings are more important than yours, because they are not. I know people think like that with good intentions but I don't think it's a productive and healthy way to lead a relationship.
I must quote this advice, just for emphasis. Let's just say personal experience, noone else should make my mistakes (I know you won't learn anyway - people never do, not unless they make it themselves, and even then, they don't always learn. Still had to try though ).
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Right is the opposite of left
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This seems to me to be a "Ask Uncontrolable" question... since she would probably have some of the most insightful advice.
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Whoa..... guy you are getting rolled. If she is off flirting with other guys, she is the last thing you should be thinking about ! you should be thinking about flirting with OTHER girls or something entirely different. The more you think about her, and the more she flirts with other guys, and the more you think about her flirting with other guys, the more imbalanced it gets. The path your going down is dark, sad, depressing, obsessive, SICK. You are playing the role of "protector, supporter, everything for her" That will mess you up even more, focusing on her like that. Think about her supporting protecting you to make it more balanced. It may be naive and stupid, but it's not your fault. These stupid and naive messages are getting tossed around in our society.
I was in a toy store. I saw a sign that was apparently made for girls. It said "i saw, i wanted, i cried, i whined, i got" That says just about everything.
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Don't focus too hard on this sort of stuff. In the end, it's just another girl. There's hundreds of compatible girls for you out there-- never think "she's the one" until you're about to marry her.
I'd say just let her be. Either be more aggressive and find out if she likes you, or ignore it all.
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EPT
