EPTtoday a good friend of mine has asked me to help her with her UCAS( that's an organisation that manages applications to higher education courses in the UK) application since the one she submitted apparently wasn't good enough.
First of that's what she wrote:+ Show Spoiler +
Personal Statement
For the past few years I have been exceedingly interested in the social aspects of the world surrounding me. With the knowledge that sociology affects each and everyone one of us and our every day lives I am compelled with the urge to take my studies of the subject further. I have a keen interest in become a teacher of social sciences, with my main interest being in the field of sociology. I’ve wanted to be a teacher for many years and since beginning my study of sociology I feel I have finally found something of increasing importance that should be present in the minds of the younger generation.
One subject I would be particularly interested in studying at University is research methods as since having started studying sociology as an A level I have been fascinated by the ways sociologists such as Karl Marx and Max Weber have come to such different views about society. I have recently found myself subconsciously observing society, and reaching my own conclusions about the culture that surrounds us.
During my time at University by means of a placement year I would be inclined to spend a year of my studies actively partaking in the sociological community in order to apply the knowledge I have gained to a social situation. It is important for me to have the opportunity to actively engage with what I have learnt in a real life situation to both consolidate erudition and further it. Additionally, contributing in a placement year would increase my confidence with applied sociology, and thus amplify my motivation to become a teacher.
I am passionate about my social life and how society can affect the life of others. An example of this is when I went to do my work experience in a school, as it enabled me to gain an understanding of how social situations can affect the different age groups within a primary school, through a range of covert observational experiments. Apart from working at a primary school, I often involve myself in providing help when extra-curricular activities occur. One of my proudest moments of my secondary school education was when I was chosen to receive a Jack Petchy award for ‘Outstanding Achievement in the Community’. The reason I was chosen to obtain the award stemmed from helping out at every parents evening from Yr 7 to Yr 11, I helped organise the annual Senior Citizens Christmas Party, I have contributed to many musical events in the past seven years - my role was not solely musical as I also undertook the responsibility of lighting - and I was the principle student organiser of my year 11 prom. In addition to taking a deep interest in the educational side of my life, I balance my time to facilitate my social life, which I feel is necessary to maintain being an esteemed individual. I often spend my weekends travelling to Bristol and Brighton, and find the train journeys give me the time to do further reading, which inspires me to work harder to reach my goals in life. Due to my visits to both Bristol and Brighton, I have found myself able to adapt to university life, because of the many occasions where I have socialised with members of both universities. I am deemed as an influential person that has an objective view on new situations that are amendable in the light of new evidence. I am known to be level headed in the face of adversity, and I’m able to reach and exceed my expected outcome. I am able to express myself freely, with a dedication to the situation at hand.
It is evident that I take the study of sociology seriously enough in both my education and my social life to pursue it as an academic career. To me, sociology isn’t just a career, but more of a passion that underpins my everyday life.
For the past few years I have been exceedingly interested in the social aspects of the world surrounding me. With the knowledge that sociology affects each and everyone one of us and our every day lives I am compelled with the urge to take my studies of the subject further. I have a keen interest in become a teacher of social sciences, with my main interest being in the field of sociology. I’ve wanted to be a teacher for many years and since beginning my study of sociology I feel I have finally found something of increasing importance that should be present in the minds of the younger generation.
One subject I would be particularly interested in studying at University is research methods as since having started studying sociology as an A level I have been fascinated by the ways sociologists such as Karl Marx and Max Weber have come to such different views about society. I have recently found myself subconsciously observing society, and reaching my own conclusions about the culture that surrounds us.
During my time at University by means of a placement year I would be inclined to spend a year of my studies actively partaking in the sociological community in order to apply the knowledge I have gained to a social situation. It is important for me to have the opportunity to actively engage with what I have learnt in a real life situation to both consolidate erudition and further it. Additionally, contributing in a placement year would increase my confidence with applied sociology, and thus amplify my motivation to become a teacher.
I am passionate about my social life and how society can affect the life of others. An example of this is when I went to do my work experience in a school, as it enabled me to gain an understanding of how social situations can affect the different age groups within a primary school, through a range of covert observational experiments. Apart from working at a primary school, I often involve myself in providing help when extra-curricular activities occur. One of my proudest moments of my secondary school education was when I was chosen to receive a Jack Petchy award for ‘Outstanding Achievement in the Community’. The reason I was chosen to obtain the award stemmed from helping out at every parents evening from Yr 7 to Yr 11, I helped organise the annual Senior Citizens Christmas Party, I have contributed to many musical events in the past seven years - my role was not solely musical as I also undertook the responsibility of lighting - and I was the principle student organiser of my year 11 prom. In addition to taking a deep interest in the educational side of my life, I balance my time to facilitate my social life, which I feel is necessary to maintain being an esteemed individual. I often spend my weekends travelling to Bristol and Brighton, and find the train journeys give me the time to do further reading, which inspires me to work harder to reach my goals in life. Due to my visits to both Bristol and Brighton, I have found myself able to adapt to university life, because of the many occasions where I have socialised with members of both universities. I am deemed as an influential person that has an objective view on new situations that are amendable in the light of new evidence. I am known to be level headed in the face of adversity, and I’m able to reach and exceed my expected outcome. I am able to express myself freely, with a dedication to the situation at hand.
It is evident that I take the study of sociology seriously enough in both my education and my social life to pursue it as an academic career. To me, sociology isn’t just a career, but more of a passion that underpins my everyday life.
I think it really does sound generic and solely written to the purpose of appealing to whoever is in charge for picking the students. It should be more lifely and personal. my dilemma now is that I myself find Sociology as dull as dishwater and thus have no idea how to create a genuine feeling of excitement for it in a text like that.
And that's where you guys, hopefully, come into play. :p
I really need some ideas how to pep that text up.
Thanks in advance
