EPT2:32 AM: I'm drunk and just played few hours of poker. I stumble out of car and reach into pockets to pull out my house key. It's not there. At this point I have two options. Ring the door bell / knock softly / call home phone and suffer APW (asian parent wrath) OR.. be a man and commandeer my way into the house. I choose the latter.
2:35 AM: Yay. Garage window was left open. I take my sandals off to lessen the sound and jump through. I try the laundry door. It's locked. I could open the garage door and hope the racket causes my dad to check. But that would be no different from admitting defeat. I climb back through the garage window.
2:40 AM: Hopefully they forgot to lock the back screen door. However, I really doubt this. If even the laundry door is locked, the screen door to the porch is definitely locked. But this is a quest and I don't give up so easily.
2:41 AM: Sadly, I've forgotten my neighbor's dog likes to frequent our backyard. My dad has constructed a gate which he so thoughtfully decided to repeatedly loop with a metal chain. I spend about 5 minutes unraveling this metal chain using my cellphone as a lamp.
2:46 AM: Yes! I've breached the gates and am at the back porch. Is the door locked? Why of course. I proceed to sit on the porch and think. Luckily I had a jacket to compliment my sandals and shorts else I would have most likely already succumbed to the chilly Seattle weather.
At this point, every obvious entrance has thwarted my attempts. I had come this far. I was not ready to surrender.
2:47 AM: next to the screen door is a window. I take off the mosquito screen and see that the window is fully closed. I try sliding it from the outside and it works! My heart jumps. Could my journey to my bedroom have finally ended? Alas, I knew it wasn't so easy. The deadbolt was in place. The window only slid 3 inches.
I quickly assessed the situation. If there is no deadbolt, I can slide the window all the way, jump through the window, and win. Everything lies on this deadbolt. Thus, if I can slide this deadbolt up, I can slide the window open.
2:50: I test the waters first with my body. Sliding my arm in, it can barely even wrap my arm around the window. Alas if I had Kawaii's beautiful physique, I might have had a little more success, but it still would have been to no avail.
2:52 AM: I notice cloth hangers just hanging around. I clip a few together, but still feel that this isn't going to work. It doesn't. Although the length is just right after multiple alterations, the hook isn't powerful enough to raise the deadbolt and not fall off the clipped togethered hangers.
3:05 AM: Yes I spent about 15 minutes doing this and failing. I was lost and desperate. All my efforts had failed and obviously this was going no where. I began to despair until I was able to boost my morale with a simple analogy. This is a math problem, and math problems always have solutions. Countless times I have been confunded by a problem that seemingly has no answer. I go around it and probe it and dissect it, and still can't find the answer. I break it down, compare it to similar problems, re-arrange, re-write, come back a week later, devise a new method of attack. Shit. Math is much harder. I even know what needs to be done in this problem. Raise the fucking deadbolt and the problem is breached. But first, I go around, check every other window. Even consider climbing up a tree into my room. (The only tree decently near my room is branch less until the upper 20 feet.)
3:10 AM: After circling the perimeter and deciding there is no other solution to getting inside, I refocus my efforts on the deadbolt. I reconsider my laundry hanger mechanism. As long as the curvature is strong enough to not move when I attempt to raise the deadbolt, it should be fine. I see no other option. I find a virgin cloth hanger and snap it in half and clip this on to the hanger mechanism to act as the hook in raising the deadbolt.
3:13 AM: I try again. But wait. My jacket is still on. This will hamper my ability to manuever. I take off the jacket carefully balancing my hanger mechanism. I slide it to the deadbolt. Yes! It can support the deadbolt and not break off, but for some reason the deadbolt won't go up.
3:15 AM: I realize the dead bolt won't go up. But I've smelled another scent of victory and my morale is rejuvenated. The problem has once again been simplified.
I can lift the deadbolt. This should cause me to be able to slide the window. However I am lifting the deadbolt, and the window is not sliding when I push it. The obvious conclusion: The deadbolt is stuck.
3:17 AM: Originally I have been operating with the window open at approximately 2inches. This is maximum capacity with the deadbolt in place. I give it a little leeway so that I am only operating at 1.5 inches. This requires me to readjust my hanger mechanism to compensate. I am now extremely worried because there is less supporting the hook and raises the probability that it will unfasten. However, I have no other option, but to proceed. I try again, holding the hanger mechanism by the very edge since I can't fit my hand in as much and pray the hook can catch on the deadbolt. I slide it up, and the deadbolt raises! I quickly slide the window and gloat on the taste of success.
But the problem isn't over. I have only successfully devised an solution. It is still unedited and sloppy.
3:20 AM: I spend the next 10 minutes trying to not knock over the picture frames which are on the table directly parallel to the window. The table is very fragile. it wobbles as I selectively shift my weight. Finally, I am able to feel my feet on the ground. I unlock the screen door. Replace all the pictures. Spend a good amount of time reattaching the window mosquito frame. Everything is at last in place. Mission Accomplished.
4:14 AM: This is a rather uneventful demonstration of pointless success. However, every form of success follows this blueprint. The harder we strive, the more we fail, the happier we are with the end product. Always winning is nice. But always losing lets us taste just how sweet a win is.
