EPTACT I
Raynor: I wuv you Sarah.
Kerrigan: I hate Mengsk.
Valerian: Sarah, would you be a darling and create a Zerg base inside my research station? KK thanks.
Sarah: No prob. Can I also be demonstrative and wreak a tiny bit of total havoc?
Valerian: Sure, why not? Let's hope that conveniently there will be no human casualties, because that would open up some ethical questions and whatnot.
Sarah: Yay!
Raynor: Crap! Mengsk is attacking! Sarah, quickly, give me a kiss and take this sniper rifle I for some reason have in my hand so you can have a Kodak moment with it!
Sarah and Raynor: *smooch* *smooch*
*pew pew pew pew*
Raynor: Look! A bridge which might break and inconveniently separate us if it broke down after we for some reason go one by one over it! Quickly, let's go one by one over it!
Bridge: *poof*
Sarah: Raynor!
Raynor: Oh noes! If only we had a technology which could quickly drop military personal over aerial distances!
Nova: Hi Raynor!
Raynor: Oh, hi Nova! Sup?
Nova: Ah, nothing much. Making a cameo for the trailer.
Mengsk: Hi everyone! I've made a slight break from my moustache-twirling to inform you that I totally murdered Raynor off-screen. Yep. He's dead. Utterly, completely dead. Stiff as a plank.
Sarah: I'm sad.
Zergling: *meow*
Act II
Sarah: I'm pissed. Gr. In fact I'm so pissed I think I'll go on random planets, dig up random zergs and go all pokemon on their ass!!
Zeratul: Hi Sarah! I've just come by to
*poof!* *KAPOW!* *zonk* *BLAM!*
Zeratul: Yo, btch! Calm down and suck my hand a little, will ya!
(trailer for Jurassic Park 4)
Sarah: I know what I need to do now! Go to Jurassic Park, enter an egg and become all Zergie again!
Zeratul: Oh.. I thought the Prophecy was a bit more profound. Hmm... this might all be becoming just a bit too silly...
Big turtle: I'm hungry!
Zeratul: I give up.
Sarah: Here.
Big turtle: Nom nom. That was tasty. Now I kill you the same way I killed that barbarian yesterday!
Sarah: Not if I..wait what?
Big turtle: Ooops, sorry. Wrong game.
Dahaka: Essence.
Raynor: Hey, Sarah! I'm totally not dead! Mengsk just put me in a cell. He even gave me a loaded gun. Nice guy.
Sarah: Whaaaaaa?
Raynor: Oh, you're Zerg again. Well.. this is inconvenient.
Sarah: .
Raynor: .
Sarah: Umm.. how about you put that gun to my forehead and we go for an emotional scene?
Raynor: Sure, why not. Umm..Grrr! I'mma gonna kill you! I'm totally referencing that bit from Brood War! It was totally not a retcon! Bang! .. Was that ok? I could try again, this time with 10% more frown. And I think I used the word 'totally' twice.
Sarah: Nah.. twas ok. Let's go.
Act III
Stukov: Yo Sarah! Look at me, I'm a Brood War character! Umm.. what are you doing?
Sarah: I SWEAR TO YOU, IF YOU PUT ME ON HOLD AGAIN I WILL...What? Where? Oh...I' was just... ummm.. talking emphatically to my Zerg breathren.
Stukov: Sure you were.
Sarah: Ummm... ummm.. NOW MY MINION KILL THAT BASE. ON THAT PLANET THERE. FOR I AM QUEEN OF BLADES. There. Um. yes, Stukov! Hi!
Stukov: So you do remember me.
Sarah: Of course I do! I also totally know why you are alive and have a Zerg claw instead of dead and exploded in a pool of blood, because I totally read those crappy novels and short stories! And Raynor totally infected me with the word 'totally'. Damn it!
Dahaka: Essence.
Stukov: Great! Hey, I've got some hybrids to kill.
Sarah: Not interested.
Stukov: Mengsk.
Sarah: I hate Mengsk! Let's kill some hybrids!
Hybrids: Ouch.
Narud: Hi Sarah! I'm also from Brood War!
Sarah: Oh come on... can you stop complicating this story! My head hurts.
Narud: Sorry
. Can we at least have a ludicrously elaborate fight scene which will also set things up for the third game?Sarah: I don't know.. I'm in kind of a rush...
Narud: Look, we brake some scenery, we skewer each other, I even do some transmorphing for funsies. I can even morph into a stupidly precise previous version of you. It will go well with the under-12 crowd.
Sarah: Ok.. just let's be quick about it.
*pow* *kaboom* *skewer!* *plink*
Sarah: Done! Where were we... umm.. Mengsk, your line.
Mengsk: What? Oh, sure. ..Grrrr! I am now very angry and I will kill you now, Sarah!
Sarah: Not if I kill you first!
Mengsk:Not if I kill you firster!
Sarah: Not if I kill you even mor...
Raynor: Hey, Sarah! I will help you now by landing my flagship and creating a bunker or two!
Sarah: Perfect!
Dahaka: Essence!
Mengsk: Oh noes! You entered my palace! Good think I have this magic lighter which will incapacitate you completely!
Sarah: Yikes! Good thing I have the power of editing which will make Raynor magically appear behind you!
Mengsk: Oops.
Raynor: Sarah, can you please not do the "THIS IS VENGEANCE!" bit? It didn't land well with test audiences.
Sarah: Ah well. Can I at least make a sappy speech about Zergs searching freedom in the stars?
Raynor: Nah, leave that out too.
Sarah: Well can I at least fly way in a cool fashion?
Raynor: Wouldn't that be a little weird since you could have used the whole flying thing while you were in mortal danger and all?
Sarah: The zerg are free now. Slaves to noone, not even me. So whether they be the bringers of..
Raynor: OK! OK! Fly! Go!
Dahaka: Essence.
credits
