EPTHere we go again gentlemen. Once more, Zergs have their backs against the wall. We held it down GSL 1; we kicked some ass GSL 2; but now something terrible has happened. Those “cheesy sons-o-bitches” (read as every terran and protoss out there) are back! And bitchier than ever.
It’s ok boys, I feel your pain. I’m knee-deep in the trenches just like the rest of you all. For those Zergs who are maybe taking a break from ladder, let me paint you a picture: these days playing on the ladder is kind of like playing 1on1 basketball with your best friend. Except, your friend just poked you in the eye! Then he SNAPPED your BALLS with a BEAR TRAP! Oh yeah, and while you're having to saw off your own BALLS just to survive he’s in your house eating all the COOKIES your MOM just BAKED!!!
Yeah, the ladder sucks right now for zergs...
Playing a toss? Well your ramp just got cannon blocked! BAM! DT’s in yo’ mineral line! BAM! 4 phoenix OP into GG! BAM!
Playing a terran? Well surprise! 2 rax bunker rush up the ASS, into BLUE FLAME HELLION DROP into CLOAKED BANSHEES! BAM!
Playing a zerg? A nice long macro game where two gentlemen casually scout each other while gingerly stroking each other’s enormous penises.
But gentz, I’m here to tell you that there is a solution to this problem. No, it’s not getting rid of the noob races (read terran and protoss). The solution is something much better…
+ Show Spoiler +
rootCatZ
Actually, before I start describing how big of a badass CatZ is, I better begin with a story. This is a 100% true story, and it applies to the current state of the Zerg race very well.
Back in my high school days, a couple friends of mine (not really friends but more like acquaintances) got into a highly intelligent “verbal disagreement” with two “young Hispanic males.” Knowing my friends, chances were they were being dicks to these Mexicans, and the argument ended with both parties agreeing to meet that night on top of a parking garage to “sort out the disagreement.” Well, my friends being “gentlemen and scholars” gathered up a bunch of baseball bats and called up all their friends to come beat the crap out of the Mexicans (remember I’m from Texas and this shit happens).
Well that night, a group of about twenty or so guys show up and wait for the Hispanics to come to the top of the garage. They wait and they wait, but the Hispanics don’t show. Now, I am going to pause the story for a moment to relate this back to starcraft. Imagine those two poor Mexicans as the zerg. They agreed to a fair 2on2 fight at the top of a garage, and here are my asshole friends being a bunch of terrans and protoss with baseball bats and twenty friends to gang rape these poor zergs.
It is here in my story where CatZ steps in. Because as my “friends” were waiting at the top of the garage, they heard a loud SKWEELING of tires speeding up the ramps of the garage to the top. Some car was coming for them… and it wasn’t the Mexicans… A tricked out street racer, right out of Fast and the Furious, spun to a halt about 100 feet from the baseball bat gang and out popped two Asians with Uzis! They started firing into the gang, peppering their cars and blasting out their windows! Probably because the Asians didn’t want to kill anyone, but thankfully only the cars were shot as my friends hopped into their cars and sped away.
The real life cheesers had been real life CHEESED! And that’s what CatZ is. Not an Asian with an Uzi, but a CHEESER-CHEESER!
CatZ is a b-ling busting, infestor-harassing, nydus-bumpin’, proxy-hatching badass who will cheese to stop your cheese and then cheese you again FTW!
He probably hacks, because half the shit he does makes no sense and his stream will just buffer into him beating a world class terran with 2 banelings or lurkers or some shit…
Day[9] commented on one SOTG that CatZ likes to “experiment with counterattacks” to which Artosis mockingly laughed, saying, “oh, that’s a nice way of putting it… ‘experimenting with counterattacks’ hahaha.” And for once, Artosis was right. That is a nice way of putting it, because what day[9] should of said was that CatZ is “experimenting with RAMMING HIS FIST UP PROTOSS AND TERRANS ASS.”
But beef, you might say, CatZ macro is sub-par and lots of toss and terran beat him. To that I will say, CatZ doesn’t have bad macro and CatZ DOESN’T get beaten. He is merely “experimenting with mineral saving and game losing.”
And that’s even fucking selling CatZ short. His macro isn’t like Nestea’s, but it’s still fucking good. He takes down TOP players in macro games as often as he does with cheese. But even when he does something crazy (like 7 pool straight into gold expansion), it’s because he has a fundamental grasp of the game. If the game timings get all fucked up due to cheese or whatever, CatZ still has a firm handle on the situation and knows how to win. And with his reputation as a “cheeser,” if he does decide to take it to a macro game, do you think his opponents will be cutting any defensive corners? Hehe, they better not be…
Gone are the days when Terrans and Protoss get to decide if the game will be a standard one or not. We have CatZ, our Zerg protector, cheesing the shit out of the ladder to cleanse all the sins that have been wrought upon all of us macro-only Zergs. CatZ, the swarm is forever in your debt. God speed.
Editor’s Note: and regarding his ethnicity… how hard is it people? Everyone keeps saying, “CatZ is Mexican, or CatZ is Peruvian.” Freaking idiots… Can you not tell by his play style? He is 100% Mongolian, descended straight from the Khan. Raping noobies has been in his blood for a thousand years.
CatZ Stream - http://www.teamliquid.net/video/streams/CatZ.root
CatZ Website - http://www.root-gaming.com/
Other Comprehensive Looks:
IdrA - http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=147155
Artosis - http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=147438
Sen - http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=149510
Blue Goo - http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=159984
!
