[Song] SC2 Fireflies - Page 4

Bold = errors, big and small
Italics = parts with great execution, intonation, etc.

You would not believe the cries - should be same tone as "be-" in "believe"
Ten million Korean guys
Lit up the world in five countdown beeps - semitone low
When Jae Dong goes* 3-hatch lair**
And Bi Su goes 1-gate sair
You'd think me rude,
But lately I just don't care - semitone low

* you want to emphasize this word just enough so that we can clearly hear the 1-note drop
** lair and beeps should be elongated, or else you have this awkward pause length until the next line

[And] I'd like to make myself believe - didn't quite hit these notes, semitone low i think
That StarCraft One dies slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather play - semitone low
A game that's not as deep
Is StarCraft Two as easy as it seems?

Cause I'd fix a thousand bugs
Give Idra a thousand hugs
But Blizzard keeps giving noobs a chance
No more mm micro spreads,
One big control group instead, - semitone low
Did you read that angry* team liquid thread?

* you gave yourself a bit of pause time to make sure you hit the note for "angry" - great!

I'd like to make myself believe
That StarCraft One dies slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather play
A game that's not as deep
Is StarCraft Two as easy as it seems?
(Should I make the leap?)

I heard that mutas now can't stack?
(Please take me away from here.)* - very shaky on intonation here
Lings auto surround when they attack.
(Please take me away from here.) v
Why are roaches so fucking cheap?
(Please take me away from here.) - the "from" especially
Even noobs can macro in their sleep**! -

* high notes, so its okay.
** here is a case where it's good that you end the phrase quickly, since it's the end of the verse

Ten million Korean pros
From Yo Hwan to Young Ho - good execution
I got misty eyes as they said farewell. - your tone dropped too low, probably to hit "eyes"
But I'll know where several are
Like those with sense of star
Cause I saved some reps,
And I keep them in a RAR.

-- from here on your intonation is fine

I'd like to make myself believe
That StarCraft One dies slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather play
A game that's not as deep
Is StarCraft Two as easy as it seems?
(I should make the leap) - this just sounds a bit weird, not sure why.

I'd like to make myself believe
That StarCraft Two grows quickly.
I hope this game won't fade away
And lives for ten long years
Because by then we'll have StarCraft Three

- Most of the spots where you lose your intonation are places with large jumps in notes, so it's understandable. For example, each time you have to go up and hit "I'd" in the chorus, (kind of hard to explain) instead of one exact note you shift/slide up until you think you have the correct note. This can be used for good effect (sair / care in the first verse), but can also sound bad.
- I don't exactly like whatever sound effect you used for 2nd and last verses.
- Overall, pretty good execution. It's hard to catch intonation errors by oneself.