[Old] The massacre in Norway

I've woken up. I can't sleep anymore. i'm sitting in the living room. Feeling sorrow, anger, happiness, God i dont know what. It's just too many emotions, too many thoughts. I'm scared. I react to even the smallest sound. I'll now write about what happened at Utøya. Hva my eyes saw, what i felt, what i did. the words come straight from the hear, but i will keep out the names out of respect for my friends.

We had a crisis meeting in the main building after the explosions in Oslo. Afterwards there was a meeting for the members from the Oslo-area. After the meetings many, many of us were in and around the main building. Vi took comfort in the fact that we were safe on an island. No one knew hell would break loose here as well.

I was in the main hall when panic broke loose. I heard shots. I saw him firing. Everybody started running. My first thought was: "Why are the police shooting at us? What the hell?!" I ran into the small gathering room. People were running. Screaming. I was scared. I got into one of the rooms at the back of the building. We were many there. We were all laying on the floor. we hear more shots. Got more scared. I cried. I didn't understand anything. I saw my best friend through the window and wondered if I should go out to get him in. I didn't have time. I saw the fear in his eyes. We remained on the floor for several minutes. We agreed to not let anyone else in for fear of the killer. We heard more shots and decided to jump out the window. I was the last one and though: "I'm the last on out the window. I'm gonna die now. Im sure, but it's propably allright, at least i'll know the others are safe". I threw my bag out the window. Tried climbing down, but lost my grip. I landed hard on my left side. A boy helped me up. We ran into the woods. I looked around. "Is he here? Is he shooting at me? Does he see me?" A girl had broken her ankle. Another one was badly wounded. I tried to help before i headed for the water. I took cover behind some kind of brick wall. We were many. I prayed, prayed, prayed. I hoped that God was watching. I called my mom and told her we might not meet again, but that i would do everything to survive. I could hear the fear in her voice. Shed cried. It hust. I sent my dad a text, told him i loved him. I sent a text to another loved one. We kept in contact. I sent my best friend a text. He didn't answer. We heard more shots. Crept together. Did anything we could to stay warm. So many thoughts. I was scared. My dad called. I cried and told him i loved him. He said he was on his way with my brother to receive me when i got ashore or they got to the island. So many emotions, and so many thoughts. I prayed with all my heart. Some time passed. The others called their parents. Eventually we all started texting fearing the kille would hear us. I was thinking about my sister, who was away on vacation. How would i tell here how i was? what was happening to me? I updated twitter and facebook saying i was alive and "safe" for the time being. I wrote i was waiting for the police. People were jumping into the water and started swimming. I remained still. I decided i would play dead if he came. I wouldn't run or swim. I can't describe the fear, my thoughts or my emotions.

A man came. "I'm from the police". I kept still. Some yelled that he needed to prove it. I can't remember exactly what they said, but the killer started shooting. He reloaded. Fired some more. He shot those around med. I kept still thinking "It's over. He's here. He's going to take me. I'll die." People screamed. I heard others being shot. Others jumped in the water. I kept still. Phone in hand. I lay on top of the legs of a girl. Two others were lying over my legs. I remained still. Texts were coming in. My cell rang several times. I kept playing dead I acted dead for at least an hour. I carefully turned my head, looking for suvivors. I saw bodies. I saw blood. Fear. I decided to get up. I had been lying on a dead body. Two dead bodies had been lying on me. I had a guardian angel.

I didn't know if he would come back. I didn't have the courage to look at who had called or texted me. I ran for the water. took of my sweater. It was big. I thought it would be hard to swim with it. I considered taking my cell or letting it lay. I put it in my back pocket and went in. I saw several others in the water. They had swam far. Some had gathered around some kind of floating device, it looked like an inflatable boat. Loads of boats were picking up swimmers. I swam, swam and swam towards the floating thing. i screamed. Cried. Got cold. Thought about when i would drown. It got heavier and heavier. I prayed. I kept going. My arms were spent. I kept going on my back using only my legs. I started sinking. Went back to normal swimming. For a while i thought the inflatable boat was moving away from me. I screamed. Begged them to wait for me. I must have been seeing things. I swam some hundred metesrs before i reached it. We talked some. Told each other our names, were we came from. WHen the boats went past we screamed for help, but they picked up the swimmers first. A man in a boat came to us. he threw out life vests. I got one. Got it on me. I held on to the rubber boat until the same man came back and picked us up. Everyone got aboard. He started heading for shore. After a while the small boat started taking in water. I did everything i could to get it out, using a bucket. I got tired. A girl in the boat took over. We came to shore. We got blankets. Tears were building. I cried more. A woman hugged me. It felt so good. I was crying loudly. Sobbing. A man lent me his phone. I called my dad: "I'm alive. I made it. Im safe" I hung up. Cried more. We had to walk a while. Strangers took us in their cars and drove us to Sundvolden Hotell. I ran in to look for my best friend. I couldn't see him anywhere. I saw a female friend. I cried. We hugged for a long time. It felt good. I walked aoround, looking for friends. My heart was beating hard. I was still crying. I registered at the Police. Looked through the lists. I didn't if my best friend was a live. Couldn't find his name anywhere. I was scared. Someone gave me a blanket. Took off my wet socks. I was half naked. Someone gave me a coat. I tried to get myself together. Contacted my parents again. Dad and my big brother were on the way to get me. I drank some cocoa. Sat down. Thinking. Crying. I saw more of my friends. hugged them. Cried. Someone lent me a computer. I updated facebook and twitter again that I was safe. I was at the hotel for several hours before my family came. Looking for friends. Talked to a Priest. Told him what i'd seen. It was a good conversation. A paramedic looked at my wounds. Cleaned them. Time went. I was with some of my friends. everyone was talking about the same. How we had survived. What had happened. I asked several if they'd seen my best friends. Noone had. I was scared. thought it was my fault cause we hadn't stuck together. A friend got the key to a hotelroom. We sat there watching the news. Anger, sorrow, so many emotions going through us. My dad called, they had arrived. I took the elevator down. tan out to them. Hugged my brother and my dead for a long time. I cried. My brother cried. It was a good moment. I saw someone looking like my best friend. Shouted his name. He turned. It was him. We hugged for a long time. both of us crying we asked how we'd made it. After a while i registered abain and we drove home. Some others got a lift from us. My best friend came home with us. His brother was there with his best friend. People were gathered at my house. They wouldn't leave until they knew we were okay. We talked. I drank a glass of juice. Ate a Yoghurt. Talked with my mom and my family. Called my best female friend. It was a good call. She said: "I wasn't sure i would ever get this phone call." tears were welling up. We talked for a while. Afterwards i went to bed. It was three o'clock. Mom refused to let me sleep alone, so we slept together.

Some hours have passe. Im still in shock. It still hasnt sunk in. I've seen the bodies of my friends. Several friends are still missing. I'm happy i can swim. Happy to be alive. That God was watching out for me. So many emotions, so man thoughts. I think about the all the people who have lost someone. All the people i have lost. The hell that is and was on the island. This summers most beautiful adventure turned to Norways wors nightmare.

English translation of Utøya-shooting victim´s account
by Nina Volstad on Saturday, July 23, 2011 at 9:24am
23 year old Khamshajiny Gunaratnam was one of the youths attending AUF´s summercamp at Utøya where a machine-gun desperado killed at least 80 yesterday (July 22nd 2011).

Kamzy´s gripping account of fleeing for her life can be found in Norwegian at her blog
http://kamzy.no/2011/07/23/den-verste-dagen-i-mitt-liv/

Below you have my English translation - word by word.

Love to Kamzy and all others touched by this unbelievable tragedy

-----
"The worst day of my life"

I´m still in shock. Just got home. Prableen´s dad drove us from Sundvollen Hotel.
I´m actually still in shock. I can´t shed a single tear. I can´t believe it: Today I actually almost got killed. Hunted and killed.
What can I say? The last normal thought in my head was about the AUF´s organization of students. I had just been to a political workshop (that´s what we do at Utøya) – and was on my way up tp the AUF-shop where I was going to take a shift.

A good friend came over and informed me of the explosion that had happened in oslo. Sick! The Government-block and Youngstorget?! Of course many were concerned. The atmosphere wasn´t exactly great, many thought this to be the worst moment at Utøya this year, but then things started happening. I had a lump in my throat. The biggest one ever.

We were first summoned to an info-meeting by the leaders in order for everyone to get the same (and correct) information. This meeting was helpful and went well. Most people got hold of their family members in Oslo and checked that they were alive. I couldn´t get hold of anyone in my family for ages! When I finally got a confirmation that three of them we´re out of town and that one was at work far away from the city – then I could breath. Really. I went back to the AUF-shop.

The General Secretary Tonje Brenna came over and spoke to me. Wondered if I needed someone to talk to. Then we heard shots from down the hill. Who the fuck is fooling around now, we thought. Who didn´t think it was just a joke?

Suddenly I saw all the security guys running upwards telling us “to hide”, “run into the main building” etc. I ran to the loos just by the AUF-shop. The shots came closer. I was quite sure that this was some “joke”, but you can nevner know for sure, as today has shown us. The seconds in that loo were horrible. Slowly but surely I managed to set my mobile to silent and put it in my bra so I wouldn´t loose it. I took of my purse and put it on the floor. When I finally heard a familiar voice I came out.

But it wasn´t over. We had to run behind the NATO-loo (as it´s called) and downwards to the corner, to the right of the jetty. We fell and tripped through a lot of bushes and huge rocks. I got a lot of cuts. There were probably 15-20 persons, maybe? I was stressed out. Matti held me and calmed me.

We ran and ran. The worst was when we got to know: The shooter was dresses as a policeman. Fucking hell.

In that case, who could we trust? If we call the police – then this guy will come and check or what? But we did try to call the police! They used a damn long time. So I gave my phone to Munir and asked him to update Facebook saying that everyone with a boat on the fiord had to help us.

We ran back and forth when the shots drew nearer. Matti said we had to swim. But how would I manage that, thaaat far?

Trond Agnar suddenly appeared. He said that severeal had tried to swim, but had returned because it was too cold, too far, too difficult simply. But do you know what? I´d rather drown than be shot. Sorry. I took my shirt off, and by Matti´s encouragement started swimming. It got heavy, so I had to remove my trousers too. Soo cold.

I swam. Matti saved me. He said the right things and he did the right things. He made me swim – SO far. When we´d swam some distance Matti said: “Kamzy, don´t look back. Look towards the land on the other side and think that that´s you goal.”

“Ok” I said. We heard shots all the time, and I´m still surprised that me or Matti didn´t get hit. (But, I was told later that he stood there. That was why Matti told me to look straight ahead. He stood exactly in the spot where we´d just been hiding. My God! Nad he´d tried to shoot at us. We were hunted.

But I swam. Then boats came to rescue us. One of the boats threw lifevests and then had to drive on. Then the next boat came and got us. Even when we were in the boat I couldn´t relax. It wasn´t like a “yes, we´re saved”-spirit. He could still hit us with his machine-gun! I got down on the floor of the boat immediately. I didn´t feel safe. Not at all.

Some of the locals helped us when we arrived. They gave us towels and drove us to the Esso- gasstation where the police and ambulancepersonell were waiting. I was in shock. I couldn´t shed a single tear. Hadn´t is dawned on me?
Suganthan came over to me with my mobile and apologized for it not working any more. Dear Suganthan, I´m just happy you´re alive!

Anniken Huitfeldt (ed. profiled AP politician) called me and talked to me. I have no idea who´s phone it was, a girl came over to me and told me that Anniken wanted to speak to me. And I asked her: “What the hell took the police so long?”. She agreed. And tried to calm me, asking what happened.

A really nice girl who worked there got us clothes and warm drinks. I also got to call my dad. I´m so happy he handles these things calmly – even though he was worried sick.

An then we went on. Everyone had to go to Sundvollen Hotel. There we had to register and assemble.

We were amongst the first to arrive. That´s why we saw one after another arriving.. crying and screaming. I understand them so well. I just couldn´t understand, and still can´t understand why I couldn´t shed a tear. I just want to get out of this state of shock I´m in. I want to get out of here. I rode with Prableen and got home to dad who was waiting for me.
Coz I´m still in shock. Who does that? Blowing up important buildings in Oslo and killing the future politicians of the Arbeider-party (ed. AP) who are attending summercamp at Utøya. What wrong have we done?

Those who resort to violence have run out of arguments. How could he do this to my AUF-friends? It seems so surrealistic. I don´t understand. I can´t comprehend.

I recommend every one to watch Jens Stoltenberg (ed. Norwegian PM, AP politician) and Knut Storberget´s (ed. Norwegian Minister of Justice, AP politician), press conference:
http://www.vgtv.no/#!id=42403

“No one shall bomb us to silence. No one shall shoot us to silence” – this is what Jens Stoltenberg says and I total agree with him.

But first of all my thoughts go to all family and friends. This is the time to take good care of each other. Contribute and lift each other. Comfort each other. And show the warmest parts we humans have.

But I´m still in shock. And that´s the reason why I´m writing this note. I can´t bear to tell the story again and again. That was a short version of what happened. On my part. But the fear that was there all the time… I don´t think I can describe that. We were also informed constantly of who had been shot etc – I´ve left that out. It´s inconsiderate towards their family and friends. They deserve better. We don´t deserve to die. And that´s why I´m writing this. We´re just normal youth. We participate in politics. We want to make the world a better place - I missed the part where WE became the bad guys.

Thinking of every single one of you that were at Utøya today. I really hope everyone survives. You deserve better. It was important for me to share this. It is important.

Jorid Holstad Nordmelan (20) from Namsos hid for an hour and a half with 20-30 others, while the gunman was shooting outside.

With barricaded windows and doors, they hid under beds and luggage and were hoping the gunman would move on.

Among the surviviors is Jorid Holstad Nordmelan. Leader of AUF Oslo, she's among the eyewitnesses that are now telling the story of the horrific drama from the AUF-camp at Utøya.

- Norwegian People's Aid came in and said there was a policeman firing at other people. We were told to put mattresses in front of the windows and tables in front of the doors. I thought it was just standard procedure, I didn't think anything could happen in Norway, Nordmelan says.

Then the gunman started shooting at the building she was in.

- I just thought "Now we're going to die".

- I didn't think the shooting was serious.
Moments before the shooting everybody in the camp had just been to an emergency meeting in Storsalen(Large Hall), to talk about what happened in Oslo. When the meeting was over Nordmelan went down to the schoolroom, a dormitory, while speaking to her boyfriend on the phone. Then she heard shots.

- I did't think it was serious, I thought someone was firing in the air, she says.

She didn't look at her watch but she thinks it was arond 5:45

When she cam down to the dormitory were Norwegian People's Aid also were, they looked scared. She went in and not long after people ran in scared and screaming, then they were told to barricade the doors and windows.

Hid in the bedroom.

The 20 year old tells us that a girl was shot in the arm and those that were in the main room threw themselves into the bedroom, which was further away from were the shots were coming from. Normelan hid deep under one of the 3 bunk beds in the little bedroom. Another person did the same, the rest hid among luggage on the floor and inside the beds. In total they were 30 to 40 people in the room, Normalen estimates.

- The tears were running while I was lying there. Then I thought about us under the beds being the safest, because we were so far in. Then I felt guilty(bad conscience) and cried even more.

She says that everybody remained calm, but several were crying and wet themselves.

- Then suddenly we heard the shooting was far away. It was fantastic that he wasn't close by anymore.

It wasn't till then she started thinking about family and close ones. She borrowed a cell phone and sent a message that she was hiding and that they shouldn't worry.

Never stopped shooting

De stayed down in silence in the room for an hour and a half while receiving text messages and reading about the drama through online news on the phone. The shooting continued.

- He just kept shooting. He never shot just one time when he shot. He fired at least 8-10 times. I heard later that he had been shooting people and then walked over to them and shot them in the head afterwards. He was there to kill.

It wasn't before the shooting was far away they thought about calling the police, to make sure they had been told. They told the police they thought there were several shooters, because there were so many shots spread around the island.

Ten minutes later they heard sirenes and the shooting stopped. They thought the rescue had arrived and they would be safe. Then they heard yelling outside the window.

"Hi, hi, This is the police", he yelled. Then started firing again.

She don't know if it was the police or the perpetrator that yelled, because he pretended to be police.

- We hoped that he had missed a lot but then we saw them.

After a while the police entered the building and told everybody to keep their hands above theire heads, as they thought there might be more shooters.

- At first we were really scared. Because we knew he looked like a policeman. Then when we saw they were more we started cheering.

They were quickly told to be quiet, as the police were still looking for more shooters and said there was still danger. They sat in the main room with the police for another hour before they could leave.

Then they got terrible news from friends and acquaintances that there might be a bomb on the island.

It wasn't untill then I got really scared. Shooting you can escape, but there is no escape from a bomb.

The police eventually got them out and moved to the ferry. It wasn't long before they started to run. Dead bodies were spread around them among injured people receving first aid.

- It wasn't untill then we realised how bad it had been. We were hoping he had missed a lot. Everybody started crying when we realised what we had been a part of.

I didn't quite get to the end, sorry, I have to go.
I'm posting it anyway without any proofreading, it was almost finished.

Thorbjørn Veriede hade samlats med sina kompisar när den uniformerade mannen plötsligt dök upp och lockade till sig ungdomarna.

– Det är säkert att komma ut. Du kommer att räddas. Jag är polis, sa han.

Sedan avfyrade han skott efter skott.

– Vi var 30-40 då han började skjuta. När han var färdig stod fem-sex upp igen, säger Thorbjørn Veriede till VG.

Han har hemska minnesbilder av gärningsmannen som lugnt sköt de flesta av offren två gånger, som för att förvissa sig om att de var döda.
"Helt förfärligt"

– Han såg ut som han inte brydde sig om situationen, säger Vereide till VG.

När det till sist kom en räddningsbåt vågade han först inte hoppa ombord. Han hade svårt att lita på människorna efter att ha blivit beskjuten av en falsk polis.

Nu hoppas han få träffa några av de överlevande ungdomarna och tala om det som hänt.

– Det är helt förfärligt. Jag har pratat med några kompisar på hotellet och de säger att de såg sin bästa vän bli skjuten i huvudet framför dem.

Thorbjørn (22): - we were 30-40 when he started shooting, when he was finished 5-6 stood left(alive).

Thorbjørn tells that Anders Breiveid first shooted, then told people it was safe, before he started shooting again

- it is safe to come out. You will be saved, I am police.
That was what Anders Behring Breivik yeller after first firing several shots. Thorbjørn were among them that approached the fake police officer.

We were a gang of 30-40 when he started to shoot. When he was done 5-6 stood left (alive).

He also tells he saw a shoot hit the stonewall close to him, before he manged to escape. They hid in a cave by the water.

-There was hard damaged people around us, but we didn't dare to leave the cave out of fear to be discovered, says Vereide clearly affected by what happened.

During the interview the 22 year is shacking, has a shakky voice and with tears in his eyes. Still he wants to tell his story.

-I have never lost someone I know before. Then it's quite dramatic to lose 85 good friends, he adds.

He draws horrible images of the killer who was very calm, while he shot several victims twice, to make sure they are dead.

-It looked like he didnt care about the situation, says Vereide

Vestlendingen(norwegian from vest-Norway) told he considered swimming, but didn't want to leave his friend, who had panic.

Eventually a boat arrived, but the 22 year old had a hard time trusting people, after being shot at by a fake officer.

-First I thought I had to go trough the boat owner stuff.

Now he has friends he hope to se, many he still has not seen, that is waiting for.

-It is horrible, I have talked with friends at the hotel which says they saw their best friend being shot in the head right in front of them.

Police increased the death numbers to 85 Saturday

32 year old Ander Behring Breivik is suspected for both Utøya shooting & the bomb at the goverment in Oslo