So, when my sister was born, my family was in an extremely difficult financial situation. Me and my mother were living with my grandma, my mom was single after having just broken up with my sister's father (we have different dads) and my mom was trying to get through nursing school. My wealthy Aunt and Uncle are unable to have children and offered to adopt the girl, as they've always wanted a kid. So, my sister was born and then adopted by my wealthy aunt and uncle.
I didn't see her much growing up as my family was always moving around. A few years ago we moved back to the area and now I've been visiting them every weekend staying over from Friday afternoon - Sunday morning, mostly to help them out with littler children. They adopted a boy from Mexico a while back, he's 6 now, and they also occasionally take care of a hyperactive little girl of about 8 years. They were going to become this girl's foster parents, but when the little boy (Let's call him Omar) was growing up she had fits of violence and even bit him in his crib. For the boys sake, they had to send her back to the foster home which has given my uncle intense feelings of guilt. He has her under his care as much as he can though (Let's call her Katie)
So I watch Omar and his friends from school and sometimes I watch Katie. I don't get a lot of time to spend with my sister (Let's call her Sarah) because of this. Usually from about 8-10pm I help her with her homework and we play some board game and then she goes to bed.
There are a few problems, I'll go through them.
1) My uncle/aunt. They are unbelievable hardcore evangelists. To the point where your average Christian would find them reprehensible. My uncle feels that homosexuals, feminists, and atheists are the reason for hurricanes and 9/11, that the President is a Muslim who plans on creating an army of atheist zombies. He teaches my sister that Dinosaurs are not real and that fossils were planted in the ground by Satan and that atheists are possessed by demons. So, as an atheist, this is all very upsetting to me. This would even upset me if I were a Christian who followed a belief system of love, understanding, and tolerance. How do I bring up to her a more rational perspective and begin to help unravel all the bullshit he's stuffed into her brain? I feel that she's an intelligent girl and a bit resentful of her parents in some aspects. She has a lot of respect for me and tends to listen to me over her mother (when her parents get mad at her for being too hyper/whining she usually won't stop unless I ask her to)
So if you were in a situation like this, how would you bring it up? Or at least help her get on the track where she is thinking rationally and scientifically
2) There isn't much "fun" for us to do. When the younger kids are napping, my Uncle is usually busy in his office and my Aunt is out running errands. What sort of things could I do with my sister for our enjoyment and maybe bonding a little? I don't really like board games, that's all we've been doing. My sister is about 13 and not particularly girly or tomboyish. Because of her upbringing her interests aren't the "standard" 13 yo girl interests but she's fairly normal aside form that.
As a christian, I do hate people like that. I mean it really doesn't help anyone, it just makes the people look like idiots and puts a bad image on all christians. Its a shame some people feel thats what they should do.
On January 12 2010 09:30 HuskyTheHusky wrote: Teach her SC!
lol we actually watched fantasy versus ZerO together. More like I was watching it and she sat next to me and asked some questions. She didn't understand it so it wasn't particularly interesting to her.
It's her life, bro. Let her make her own mistakes; you can't shove beliefs down someones throat. when her time comes she'll want truth in the world and create her own beliefs; what you're doing is isn't any superior than what your aunt and uncle did. Let her think for herself, as an individual.
On January 12 2010 09:21 DoctorHelvetica wrote: 2) There isn't much "fun" for us to do. When the younger kids are napping, my Uncle is usually busy in his office and my Aunt is out running errands. What sort of things could I do with my sister for our enjoyment and maybe bonding a little? I don't really like board games, that's all we've been doing. My sister is about 13 and not particularly girly or tomboyish. Because of her upbringing her interests aren't the "standard" 13 yo girl interests but she's fairly normal aside form that.
Have you tried reading books with her? That can be a bonding experience and it might broaden her horizons. You and she could find a nice shady spot somewhere outdoors to read.
Also (especially if you can drive), you can go with her to places like a cinema, museum, concert, park, beach, whatever she's interested in...
Cooking is fun if you have someone to do it with.
Being family means that you don't have to have the same interests and/or personality, you can enjoy spending time together anyway. And if you do happen to have the same interests, so much the better
On January 12 2010 09:31 Revolt wrote: It's her life, bro. Let her make her own mistakes; you can't shove beliefs down someones throat. when her time comes she'll want truth in the world and create her own beliefs; what you're doing is isn't any superior than what your aunt and uncle did. Let her think for herself, as an individual.
yeah it would be just as bad if I convinced her to think for herself and learn about the facts of science as my uncle telling her it is our holy duty to commit genocide in the middle east and kill all of the muslims who are possessed by the devil-spirit
I would say start by showing her some of the parts of the bible that contradict what ur uncle/aunt have been teaching her. Example: Jesus preaching to the prostitutes and murders. Paint this as a contrast to what ur aunt and uncle have been teaching (intolerance). Something to open her eyes to the hypocrisy.
a belif doesn't have to be a god, you know. she can believe in rationality; im a deist btw, so don't confuse me with a religious freak. i believe in natural law. people learn from their mistakes and they'll take great value in it; let her experience them for herself.
On January 12 2010 09:35 Revolt wrote: a belif doesn't have to be a god, you know. she can believe in rationality; im a deist btw, so don't confuse me with a religious freak. i believe in natural law. people learn from their mistakes and they'll take great value in it; let her experience them for herself.
I can't stand by comfortably and watch my sister get indoctrinated into wacky extremist bullshit. She's been taught never to question the bible, never to read anything that isn't by a christian author, they don't even eat at restaraunts not owned by christian owners.
If there is something I can do to break a piece off of the cage she's been put in, I will. She needs some positive outside experience.
1) My uncle/aunt. They are unbelievable hardcore evangelists. To the point where your average Christian would find them reprehensible. My uncle feels that homosexuals, feminists, and atheists are the reason for hurricanes and 9/11, that the President is a Muslim who plans on creating an army of atheist zombies. He teaches my sister that Dinosaurs are not real and that fossils were planted in the ground by Satan and that atheists are possessed by demons.
I hope he's not like this
That's so....disheartening. Well since she does listen and respect you, try teaching her a less paranoid anti everyone way of life, letting her choose what she believes in her own right, given in unbiased circumstances(just derail her from that hardcore evangelist stuff and let her choose how she wants to be). and as Husky said have bonding time playing SC or just watch some TV shows?
1) My uncle/aunt. They are unbelievable hardcore evangelists. To the point where your average Christian would find them reprehensible. My uncle feels that homosexuals, feminists, and atheists are the reason for hurricanes and 9/11, that the President is a Muslim who plans on creating an army of atheist zombies. He teaches my sister that Dinosaurs are not real and that fossils were planted in the ground by Satan and that atheists are possessed by demons.
That's so....disheartening. Well since she does listen and respect you, try teaching her a less paranoid anti everyone way of life, letting her choose what she believes in her own right, given in unbiased circumstances(just derail her from that hardcore evangelist stuff and let her choose how she wants to be). and as Husky said have bonding time playing SC or just watch some TV shows?
He feels that way about Pokemon and Harry Potter. he was disgusted when I was 12 and had some yugioh cards and told me not to show my sister that "sorcery"
I won't lie, I'd very much like to convince her Christianity is a farce, however I've decided that if I do anything it would be leading her toward a skeptical/critical way of thinking and teaching her not to blindly accept whatever her uncle/pastor/teacher says.
Children being taught that science/biology is a satanic lie is some pretty scary shit and I will try my best to undo that. However, what I want advice on is not what to say but how to say it, or rather how to bring it up.
I can't just waltz into her room and be like "HEY, DID U KNOW ATHEISM IS PRETTY COOL AND UR "DAD" IS FULLOF SHIT LOL"
On January 12 2010 09:31 Revolt wrote: It's her life, bro. Let her make her own mistakes; you can't shove beliefs down someones throat. when her time comes she'll want truth in the world and create her own beliefs; what you're doing is isn't any superior than what your aunt and uncle did. Let her think for herself, as an individual.
Uhm, they're pretty much stopping her from doing that by indoctrinating her with bullshit lies. A belief is a belief, but there's still a difference between believing things that are completely absurd, based on nothing but hate and prejudice, etc. and believing things that are based on evidence.
As teenagers get older they tend to pull away from parents' views and explore a bit, especially if the parents have really strong views. If you do too much and cause trouble between her and your uncle you may end up in a situation where you aren't welcome in the home. Just staying in here life and being ready to offer an alternative perspective when she has questions.
As far as activities... maybe get her a head start on a poker career?
On January 12 2010 09:30 HuskyTheHusky wrote: Teach her SC!
best idea in this thread (except maybe cooking thats hella fun w/multiple ppl)
She wants to be a chef, but her dad won't "allow" it since Chef's don't make enough money. He owns a lucrative construction company that operates in Florida and Texas and despises the poor and anyone who pursues a career because of their love/passion.
When I told him I was interested in the career of a Professor (some professors have 6 figure salaries) he told me I might as well go to art school and that education jobs are for the weak and unmotivated. So he wants her to do business or something where she'll be making lots of money, since besides Jesus that's all that matters to him.
I told her she should do what she wants first and think about money second and that if she is successful as a chef she could get involved in the business aspect of owning a restaurant.
So that's actually a really good suggestion, I don't know anything about cooking. Maybe I'll ask her to teach me how to cook stuff.
Wow ive never met people like that but ive heard about them. Such a contrast to my family where they are highly christian but are so moderate and understanding. I would say to just tell her to think for herself and to not take everything they say as truths. If you get too involved you could end up getting banished from visiting (sounds like your aunt/uncle are the type to do that). Just work with her here and there on things and try to give her a way to broader knowlage that she can explore so she doesn't have only one source of information. Just tread carefully coming on too strong would just create this polar relationship where she has them saying one thing and you another which would create a lot of confusion.
EPT
