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Once again I manage to stumble some epic humor, but today it takes a turn, these are not nerd jokes.
(seriously some guys feel bad for getting the jokes I post, sorry for that)
Zen Sarcasm
Words to live by...
THESE ARE GREAT Sayings
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
 
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These are pretty good. Thanks!
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This blog has successfully amused me, thankyou sir. 
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"12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
its funny that I actually do believe this to be true
well i suppose i believe many of them to be true hehe
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i like this blog!
very amusing (:
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funny! one cup of appreciation from nttea
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Some were pretty funny, thank you!
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Man, these are so awesome, thanks for sharing!
5/5
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
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8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
This was the best one. Awesome ^^
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Only one quibble - totally not Zen.
Totally awesome anyway.
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On June 03 2009 21:25 VIB wrote:
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
This was the best one. Awesome ^^
haha that one owns
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Good thing you guys liked it..:D
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17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
This is gold.
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10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
that the funniest one, but the rest of them were good too.
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4. "Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
this is why i quit my day job.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
I have heard this before. I have always said this to myself when someone asks me to borrow money. its like if you think that the sum is worth more than the person to you then don't give it to them.
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XD very good jokes they all sound like real lessons in a wierd way 
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On June 04 2009 01:31 omninmo wrote:
4. "Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
this is why i quit my day job.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
I have heard this before. I have always said this to myself when someone asks me to borrow money. its like if you think that the sum is worth more than the person to you then don't give it to them.
A lot of these are good, but I like the way Sonny spits the whole $20 never see them again line in Bronx Tale.
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On June 03 2009 18:45 SilverSkyLark wrote:
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
lol I've always liked that one, nice list, ty.
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EPT
