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This may seem immature, but basically its my rant. I'm a high school student, currently enrolling my junior year, and i live at home with my parents. The thing that annoys me is that the only topic my parents are willing to talk to me about is about school, my grades, and education. Not that its a bad thing, but they are over doing it by A LOT. Everytime they open their mouth is like a question like "How did you do on your test? what did u get in that chem test, the math test, the english test?" EVERYDAY!
Considering this is my junior year, the year which i take ACT/SAT's, my parents don't even allow me to do any sports anymore. I used to do cross country, sophomore year, and i was so happy that im going to be in the middle of the pack as a junior and not the slowest kid anymore... until i have been told down that i can't do cross country, cuz they want me to use the time i run to study for the standardized tests. Since i live in the middle part of USA, i take the ACT's, and they want me to take at least 1 practice test EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND.
Few weeks ago, during my 4 day weekened on labor day, a friend of mine asked me to go out to the movies, and I thought gladly yeah my folks will let me go cuz its a holiday... but nope they shot me down completely and even angry at me considering that... Basically this just became the conversation topic throughout the entire day.
My dad also likes to relate everyone of my minor 'mistakes' such as forgetting to turn on the headlights while driving, forgetting a folder at somewhere...etc. I know everyone makes those mistakes, but he uses it against me making up tons of reasons why i fail at tests, and how i can never do well because i made these errors... and i don't do that often. He relates it to as a test question and how i'd fail at math if it asked me to multiply and i forgot... And he goes on ranting about it for 15-30mins, and becomes part of his tool in his tool box in which he can use anytime he wants to criticize me.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not disrespectful to them in any way, i don't go screaming at them. I usually obey their orders actually i often obey their orders. They say i should go upstairs and study, i usually do until i just can't do it anymore, and then go on SC. They don't even know i play SC/bnet, but i dont think i can stand sitting in the office room studying all day during weekends with no social contact at all... I actually have quite alot of friends at school but i just can never hang out, and my relationships with them tend to drift further and further apart.
If you guys know me on BNET, this is actually the complete real reason why i can't play and my excuse is "i gtg soon", is because they don't allow me to play starcraft, and if i get caught they'd actually literally scream at me for like 5 hours straight, about how i can use that time to study for standardized tests, and how i don't have straight A's and H's(which is like a 97% on honors classes), and i shouldn't be on SC. They've actually broke my original starcraft CD, and i had to DL it again off a torrent... Because really i just can't imagine myself sitting there studying all day for days on during weekends...
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I believe this is the result of my dad growing up from an extremely poor area, in which he lived in like a dirt house, with my grandpa as a shepard in inner mongolia china. He was often hungry as a child, and didn't have a lot to eat. He was the only son who was able to move out of his province to beijing. Later to canada, and now to USA.
I think he really believes that studying and making big bucks is the solution to everything, and happiness. Thus he's making me to follow his route.
Its totally understandable considering the pain and suffering he's been through to be where he's at today...
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I however believe that money is only a tool that drags your feelings of happiness to an upward stage, and you'll feel that happiness for only a while until you get used to having the wealth. Think of it this way, who would be in a more positive state of mind, bill gates or a poor man who won 1000 dollars in a lottery? obviously the poor man.
I think a person who has a pay of 50,000 a year would be feeling the same as a guy with 200,000 a year. If the guy who has the 50,000 pay had his income doubled, he may be very excited and content, for probably only half a year, until he got used to having that. People of extreme wealth
are also upset by not getting the deal they usually get, and the average guy would look at the wealthy guy with disgust, and wonder wtf is wrong with him.
RIght now i'm actually worried if i'm going to be like this to my children when i grow older... I'm trying really hard to not
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I have actually never told any of this to anyone, this is the first time i've let it out....
lol, when i won the CJ shirt contest, i'm actually asking a friend to buy it for me, and mailing it to his house and then giving it to me at school once he recieves it. He's a real nice guy....
I appreciate you reading all of this, i just want some sympathy...
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Your parents are jerks, but I guess they're trying to do whats best for you
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I think I can understand your frustrations, but I also think that we need more background on your family and parents before we can even start making judgments on your situation; I mean, perhaps there's something in their background which you haven't addressed yet that is causing them to act in this overly-fervent manner when dealing with your education? No offense intended~
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On September 11 2008 08:51 Descent wrote:
I think I can understand your frustrations, but I also think that we need more background on your family and parents before we can even start making judgments on your situation; I mean, perhaps there's something in their background which you haven't addressed yet that is causing them to act in this overly-fervent manner when dealing with your education? No offense intended~
the only i know is that my dad grew from a very very poor village, and then managed to be able to use education which allowed him to move to beijing, then to canada, and then finally to USA. Thats the only background i truly know of... (which is stated in OP)
if nothing else, their asian...
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It's actually kind of sad that your dad thinks that way, because he is obviously doing it only for your benefit. He doesn't want you to have the same struggle that he did. It's understandable and to be honest there's probably not much you can do about it, because he expects that since you are young, you do not have the same experiences and insight that he does about learning.
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I can't believe I would ever say this, but you deserve that CJ shirt more than I do. Enjoy it man. Try to relax, I mean I know it's hard but as long as you know your ultimate goal, then don't stress at all about the standarized tests.
I completely understand your story and also about your parents. It's like that in most Chinese families in China so ya. It's rough but at least you have it a lot easier than actually kids your age in china. Don't take high school so seriously and try to explain to your parents that unlike them who moved to the US, you grew up here and go to school here. Because probably unlike them, you have friends in this country. You need your social network and hanging out with friends and meeting new people is key.
I could go on forever but I guess you seem to know it anyway. gl hf and if your parents dont listen to your opinion then just really look forward to college.
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I don't believe there's any solution except moving out.
They are who they are, you cannot change them.
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Yeah, I must've missed that section. Sorry. =(
Imho, I think what you mentioned about your dad is probably very related to what you're currently experiencing. Just wondering, but was your mother also raised in similar conditions? If not, perhaps you can try appealing more towards her. I don't know though, these kinds of things can be very complicated. =x
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
I can't help but feel bad for you. The stereotype is that Asian parents in the USA are typically overbearing and obsessive in regard to the issues you discuss. Sadly it is fairly common hence the stereotype. Don't rebel, don't get down on yourself.. just work with the situation. They have the best of intentions and they want you to succeed.. remember that in the end it is those thoughts that drive them to be annoying and domineering.
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meh...well arent asian parents usually extremely high on education?
Your parents sound like the typcial asian parents(no offense just what I seen from my asian friends).
Only thing I can actually say to you is..dude you listen to everything your parents say e.e..haha yes education is great. You need time to enjoy things though youre only a junior in highschool. You can still work and play. :/ forget what your parents said and go join XC. e.e..ill have to update later because im in class haha but seriously think about it.
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and yes i feel like shit now..im glad you have the shirt bro <3 wear it proud
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I went through this crap too. At the end of the day they do it because they love you, I know this might sound cheesy as shit but they just want you to succeed in life.
When i was in your position i bargained for sports because i needed a physical outlet. See if you can get them to agree to X country, i think it'll help w/ the stress.
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GS it seems that you are in a even worse than typical "Asian Parents" situation. I can't say for sure what your best option is because I don't know. But from what you've said it sounds like they are fucking crazy. I mean.... not letting you do cross country is ridiculous. You're like 16-17 so stand up to them. Have you ever cursed them out or anything?
Tell them you're dropping out of school because you want to be a garbage man or something and realize that they may want what they think is best for you, but they don't know what is best for you. Also, it is your life, not theirs so don't think you owe them anything.
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thx all, yeah basically i joined cross coutnry, and track&field was to have more social contact with others, and have an good excuse that i can put it on my college resume to tell my folks...but really i dont give a shit about putting it on my resume...
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On September 11 2008 09:05 YanGpaN wrote:
thx all, yeah basically i joined cross coutnry, and track&field was to have more social contact with others, and have an good excuse that i can put it on my college resume to tell my folks...but really i dont give a shit about putting it on my resume...
well still hol-e-shit bro hahaha dont lose touch with society!! O_O
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Just do the same thing to your parents. Constantly quiz them ...
You: "Any closer to promotion today Dad?"
Dad: "No..."
You: "Why not?"
Dad: "...."
You: "You really need to be doing everything you can to get promoted Dad.. this is IMPORTANT.. you need to prioritize.. see, you're not being promoted because you're making mistakes x,y,z"
Of course, there's always two sides of a coin. I grew up with almost zero encouragement to do well in studies, and had to rely completely on my own motivation to get myself into University and a career. Having parents that encourage you to do well is something that many kids really long for. But it seems that you recognize your parents true intentions which is a good thing. You're just going to have to sit it out I guess. Try to focus on the positives.
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Korea (South)11575 Posts
sucks, but do your parents give u drug tests every monday like mine did for over a year? (when i never did any drugs)
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On September 11 2008 08:54 YanGpaN wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2008 08:51 Descent wrote:
I think I can understand your frustrations, but I also think that we need more background on your family and parents before we can even start making judgments on your situation; I mean, perhaps there's something in their background which you haven't addressed yet that is causing them to act in this overly-fervent manner when dealing with your education? No offense intended~ the only i know is that my dad grew from a very very poor village, and then managed to be able to use education which allowed him to move to beijing, then to canada, and then finally to USA. Thats the only background i truly know of... (which is stated in OP) if nothing else, their asian...
I understand what you mean. Of what is happening to you also happens a lot in Singapore. Maybe its in our chinese/asian genes haha =P
Same here for my father; he had his fair share of traveling and suffering (grew up in a malaysia village -> indonesia -> singapore) Guess I am lucky : I think my parents learnt the hard way that I am 'not them' and they cannot engineer me to be their success and successor. I do not necessary have to fulfill what they missed out, wanting me to do what they did not/have not been able to do. To a certain extent, yes it is true. We have more opportunities today compared to what they had back then. It is really up to us as the individual to pick it up from there. They cannot force us to pick up their pieces!
What our parent's generation didn't quite seem to catch today is yesterday's success is tomorrow's mediocrity. Although education is the only available key to success back then, things today have changed and it is not the only key. Society today just doesn't need smart educated-by-the-book people; it need people of all sorts of talent, especially emotional development. Glad that you are picking up other activities other than studying =P
When you have a single success outside the context of education, I am sure they will open their eyes to the truth. Just don't rebel, but work out possible alternatives. If you really want to play SC like how I play NFS seriously, start balancing your own life out. Do some part time work and offer to pay for part of the bills at home. Pay for what yourself for your gaming and socializing lifestyle =P A small sum of money usually speaks loudly in these situations. When you can foot the bill for yourself, they have nothing to say. Just make sure you do reasonably well for your studies for the sake of your parents paying it for you.
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On September 11 2008 09:18 CaucasianAsian wrote:
sucks, but do your parents give u drug tests every monday like mine did for over a year? (when i never did any drugs)
lol, they don't i gained their trust for always doing what they've asked for quite a long time, so they don't ever suspect me smoking, drinking, or doing any drugs.
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I'm in a very similar situation, just a little less severe. I really feel for you though man, I just think parents don't understand how a kids mind works since everyone is different. Taking a pretest every weekend isn't going to motivate you to do well on a real once, such as sat or cat ect ect. You'll probably just think of it as another chore test that you have to do to make your parents happy. Anyway, good luck and hope the situation works out for you.
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holy shit dude. I feel so sorry for you. Your story actually made me sad. You are missing out on the best times of your life. Thats just really shitty of your parents. I dont think it would even be possible to explain to them that most of what they are telling you to do is pointless. Do your parents not understand the concepts of fun and friends? You really need those things in your teenage years. All I can really say is I hope you are able to move out soon.
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tell them how you feel and persevere. seriously, confront them about this problem and talk, it can make things easier (at least it did for me). if things still go bad, it's only two more years. u can last that long.
edit: high school is over rated. anyone saying it's the best years of your life is entitled to his own opinion but dont swayed by it. each person is different.
edit2: i'm asian and just graduated last year from high school, so i know how you feel. stay strong and keep a positive mental attitude
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United States22883 Posts
Exercise is actually pretty beneficial for your brain so even if you don't have the time to dedicate yourself to the track team, it's still a good idea to keep running. It'll give you a nice break from school pressure.
What you need to do is prove that you can balance school and fun. You seem like a pretty bright kid so there's no reason you shouldn't be able to get straight As and still have a good time. Plenty of kids I went to highschool with were able to do it (I slacked majorly in highschool, but in college I've been able to.) Your tests will be over in like Oct. right? So get good grades this semester and do well on the test. You shouldn't need to study all day to do that. Then talk to them and say "look what I've done, can you cut me some slack now?"
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I hate to be steryotypical, because i consider yangpan a friend so to start off i will say that sounds horrible, and if i got put in that situation, from the one i'm in now i would go insane.
But I think the reason a lot of Asian people play starcraft judging by this thread and my own reasons for playing starcraft, I think it would be for Escapism.
On a side note, as soon as you move out then you can start partying!!
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I read the first part of your post, then I looked up at which country you are from, and then I understood and no longer needed to read the rest of your post. Asian parents ftw. 
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I feel really bad for ya' :\
I guess I'm lucky that my parents trusted me enough to study by myself and do good in school by myself.
You should try to teach your parents about how one needs a balanced life to live healthy( a good social life and to have fun).
I'm surprised you haven't melted down from studying so much :O
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Though I have Asian parents, they were surprisingly supportive of whatever I did throughout high school. Anyway, I'm not going to try to give any advice because so many others have already commented, though I will say that I'm impressed that you can see your parents' side and that you've made an effort to understand their intents.
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Sounds exactly how my parents used to react when I was in high school. I just grit my teeth and plowed through it and when I made it to college they backed off a lot. Also, if your parents keep probing you about school, just take the initiative and tell them about it first. It becomes a lot more tolerable that way.
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Man, kinda sucks.. but here is the only thing that you can do right now is "perseverance and determination" that you will finish your studies then after that, just put your mind to "fuck it, immadowattaIwant." But this type of strategy takes alot of years.. maybe about 5-8 years depending on what university or college/course. Well I am just pointing out that you could at least kiss their asses for the mean time but on the other hand, try sneaking out and go play sc somewhere else.
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Wow man, I hate parents who put academics above EVERYTHING else, it's not even necessary. You DON'T need 24/7 just to get "perfect" 2400s/800s on SATs. I seriously regret choosing academics over XC/T&F my Junior year and seeing someone who doesn't even have a choice makes me feel worse.
I suggest slowly weening your parents off these absurd ideas. The more you get to do things out of the norm the more they'll get used to it (hopefully). Seems like this concept worked with my parents.
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I had parents exactly the same way you describe yours, a copy I'd say. To the point where they would literally punish me for gettin a 99 on a test. But now that I'm almost 20 it's like they don't care anymore. It'll wear off I assure you.
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
My parents were exactly the same way until they learned that academics isn't everything. After they went to a few college visits with me and asked admissions officers what they were looking for, my parents were rather surprised when they found out that it was more than just academics. I think my mom almost went into shock when she heard "A 2400 on your SATs doesn't mean we'll accept you". Extracurriculars are a very important aspect of college applications.
Your parents probably grew up during the same time mine did in China, where getting to college takes ridiculous amounts of hard work and studying. Back then it was simply your college examination scores, no other aspects. And once you got into college, you were basically guaranteed a job. But the US is different, because scores aren't everything here. Here in the US, they teach you to be a more complete person, developing skills in areas other than your major. Looking back, my parents always tell me that I have luxuries they could only dream of, such as getting to learn how to play an instrument and other stuff.
There's more to life than just studying and working your ass off. Social aspects are important, because well if you can't communicate and relate stuff with your peers and colleagues, your skills are useless no matter how great they are. Notice how most asians in their 30s and 40s usually work programmer jobs. Their skill level no doubt is skyhigh, but they're unable to ascend the ranks because of social ineptness, partially due to language skills but also people skills.
Anyways, this is just a clash of old times vs new times. Your parents are still living in the past in rural China, while you're living your adolescence in the United States. I see where they're coming from, but in order to get past this, you're gonna have to spend some time telling them that the conditions just aren't the same. You must acknowledge all the hard work that your parents went through to get here, but at the same time you must let them understand that in order to succeed here in the US, it takes more than just studying all day all night.
Good luck on your ACTs and your junior year. Get through this one and next year will be great!
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I feel really bad for you.  I wish I could even just hang out with you because you seem like a genuinely nice guy, mature enough (even as a junior) to consider why your father would act this way and being sympathetic about it.
It seems to me that you're turning out to be a good person, so they must be doing something right (albeit at the cost of your social life, which may have other ramifications for you later in life).
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Russian Federation4333 Posts
Seeing how your parents struggled I can totally understand why they are so uptight. I think you need to rebell, at lest a little. Look if you are getting straight A's in school, you should get rewarded with more free time. Did they restrict you from doing track because your grades decreased or because they thought your grades would decrease. Explain to them that you are still getting good grades and are on your academic track and that extra curriculars are not hindering you in any way. This is a valid point and you need to stand by it, if you are in fact on track.
I have a friend who has complete freedom over his parents. He tells me he "tamed" them. The main reason he was able to do that is because he had decent grades at school and he told his parents that since he had good grades why should they limit his rights? He was always defiant and in the end the parents got tired of trying to control him. Now they buy him alcohol (hes only 18) and let him go anywhere since he has his own car.
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I feel sad for Gladstone but I've known this for such a long time since I play with him more then anyone. Its actually really sad the situation he is.
On a side note he plays a lot for someone who hides it. I think last ICCup he played 500 games or something and I'm impressed he has been able to hide it that much and really happy.
I've played lots of games with him and almost 30% of the time he has to leave or gtg cause his parents woke up or came back from their walk outside. It can be really depressing being in that situation.
This almost makes me want to blog about my family and how they treated me cause its almost the complete opposite but in a bad way too.
I can't wait till GS is in College and away from his parents. Gladstone, PM me the times you are online. I mean the usual times on the weekend [Friday - Sunday] that you are on [i.e parents out/sleeping/walking] so we can play some games.
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Asian parents need to calm the fuck down.
On September 11 2008 09:18 CaucasianAsian wrote:
sucks, but do your parents give u drug tests every monday like mine did for over a year? (when i never did any drugs)
Fuckkkkked up.
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Welcome to an Asian household... ;p
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money solves a looot of problems and will gain you reputation even if you don't do anything for it / don't deserve it. so yeah.. in a way they only do the best for you (in their materialistic world view). but that's of course not all there is to it. they want your long term security and think only of the future but there are also wise sayings such as "carpe diem" which are true and should be followed by everyone but collide with their idea of what you should become.
it's a pity... everyone needs a certain freedom to develop and if parents just want you to focus 100% on studying 24/7 it may give you a better chance later on to get a job but you'll lack something. and I at least think you can reach much higher standards if you can fully develop your personality rather than mainstream your brain with pure knowledge only.
you stress the point that money is not everything and doesn't necessarily makes you happier than other ppl who may have fewer of it. that's right i guess and the real important things you often can not buy with money (love, affection, friendship) but one should also not fall below a certain level of security and living standard, otherwise there ARE problems.
yeah.. you are right in your thinking and you have my sympathy  i cannot really give you good advice though.. my parents were rather liberal as far as these things are concerned but i also know of friends who had a similar situation as you and were later able to prevail over the excessive demands of their parents.
see what you can do
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Wow and I thought my parents were bad O_O
I was gonna say what Roffles said regarding the fact that extracurriculars and being a well rounded student is just as important as your grades when getting into colleges. Your parents are probably pushing you so hard academically because they want you to get into a good college. In that case, what you could do is like show that you share their hopes and that you also really want to get into a good college (I'm guessing you do?) but in order to do so, you'd need to have the extracurricular activities and so on. Not sure how you're gonna convince them of that, but maybe do the same as roffle's parents and get your own parents to talk to college admission people or career advisor people that are involved in the admission process.
If you do manage to convince them that you'll need more than just really good grades, explain to them that you would still study the same amount, but that you'll manage your time really well so you can study and do other stuff too like track.
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thanks for the feed backs ;o.... i'm been looking forwards to college for along time now. Basically i see what i have to go through now till to college as a choir.
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Don't join choir!
And don't think of it as a chore. Its the Journey not the destination!
HS is easy/fun. You're a junior?
Junior = SAT/ACT. Nothing else going on in Junior year. Even if you have honor classes, if you don't have sports, you have pleeeeeenty of time to do it and plenty of time to just screw around. In fact, I go by the philosophy that you are more productive when you are busy.
(however, your grades this year matter the most)
Senior Year = College. And its pretty fucking intense the first semester. Especially if your classes are vamping up their workload as well. But after the 2nd semester, its pure nothing. Unless you also have Full course load of AP//IB tests, its a bit painful. But thing is, since you're asian, you aren't going to have extreme senioritis, you are still going to get a A in math and physics, etc. So you should be prepped for the tests either way. Plus, there is no pressure. Whether you do good or bad, colleges don't see it unless you are heading for Top IVY league. You could get a 2 on Calc BC and the only thing you lose is 70 bucks.
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EPT
