Depression and Ex's - Page 3

On May 31 2008 12:40 iNCuBuS_ wrote:


Thank you for the spoilered advice. That is what I want. Just to be friends with her and treat her like she deserves to be treated. If we dont end up together, then so be it. Some days I wake up and Im fine. Some days I wake up and Im sick to my stomach. We both have a lot of growing up to do, and I know I have to change a lot of shit in my life. I posted this more to get help with myself and to tell you whats been going on than to get advice about her. I have my mind set on at least trying to contact her again someday down the line, but for the time being, I have to focus on me. Thats the hard part. I know to move on I have to let her go, I guess Im just not ready. I dont know what it takes to be ready. Ive already met a new girl who is fun to hang out with, but shes definitely not the same. Im going to continue to try and meet new girls. Who knows? Maybe one of them will end up replacing my ex. I dont know what will happen down the line, and thats what is keeping me back.

Just out of curiosity - the ex that you are friends with now, did you initially contact her after your long silence or did she contact you? Some people are saying to wait to see if she contacts me someday, but others are saying it would be ok to contact her down the road when Im better.

The main thing that is fucking me up is not knowing how she is going to feel down the road. I know I have no control over it and shouldnt worry about it, but currently I cant help it.

On May 31 2008 13:18 conCentrate9 wrote:


This is the key right here and you already know it! No one wants to be in a relationship where they are the only thing in their lover's lives. If you can better your life without her, just imagine how great it would be once you DO get back together. But of course you have to start living a confident single man's life, which you seem to be progressing toward. Don't tell her that you've been improving, show her that you have improved. (don't send her any messages anymore... at least for now.) You will have a moment where you'll know that you've changed for the better and then you can let her know that. Keep doing what your doing basically, strive for that 'fine feeling' when you wake up instead of the sickness (I've been there). W/e, you'll be alright <_<. =)

On May 31 2008 13:21 Rayzorblade wrote:


Perhaps one of the most poignant things I've read in this thread. Take that to heart.

I'm sorry if I was a little harsh Incubus (chalk it up to being tipsy-nearing-drunk), but I don't think my advice would be any different were I sober (take it back: I'd probably beat-around-the-bush a lot more, which would do you or I no good).

You know, I have issues too. We all do. We all have our own sob stories. Before I go to bed at night I often squirm and wring my hands about my mortality - I am terrified of death. The idea that I am in the here and now and that the world is "only in my head" - that I will never have another "here and now"; it all terrifies me to the point of panic and tears. Sometimes at night I burst into tears, whispering, "Dear God," "oh God," "oh God," "help me," when in reality I decided a long time ago that I was unsure IF there was EVEN a God. I have these kind of thoughts all the time, despite having a beautiful fiance, a good job, a good brain, good health, and a great body (yes, I can admit to these selfless appraisals without a single caveat). But at the end of the day: I feel empty and terrified of the uncertainty of death. However, doesn't make my life less fulfilling and I don't wallow in the fact that yes, one day everyone I love and cherish will die - and I will too. Should I be consumed with pity over it? No - I should cherish my life all the more, because it is the only one I have.

The fact of the matter is that there are children in sub-Sahara Africa, only toddlers, who haven't eaten in over two weeks. They are fly-ridden, clutching their bloated little bellies, and stuffing their mouth full of sand.

And YOU think YOU have it bad?

Everything is only the "worst-thing-in-the-world" when it's happening to us. I know. I've been there. We all have. The difference between you and I (and a billion other people in the world) is that we recognize that we could have it a lot worse.

On May 31 2008 13:24 Rayzorblade wrote:
I'm sorry, I went on a bit of a rant there. What I wanted to ask was:

Why do you want - someday - to be friends with this girl? What is in it for you? Do you really think that someday you will be okay with seeing her living happily ever after with someone else? Or do you only want to remain friends in order to rekindle some romance in the future? (Don't kid yourself by telling yourself that, you only do harm. I know - I've done it!).

Please ask yourself what you REALLY WANT if you are going to maintain a friendship with this girl. Frankly, I think it will only do harm. (At least until you REALLY let go).

On May 31 2008 13:54 ahrara_ wrote:

i don't remember that well honestly. it was a long time before i got in touch with her again... i think i left a message and she replied like a week later. but the difference in my character between when i stopped talking to her and when we picked up again was like night and day, and i knew if i still suffered from the same insecurities and depression i could never have made the relationship work again. until you find yourself in a state of comparative security, stay away from her, for your sake. give it months, years even.