EPT(If I offend anybody, imp sorry)
I'm 17, Live in Queanbeyan Australia (5 minutes from the ACT). Year 12 student at the moment, looking forward to the end of school. I have some hopes to go to university but I’m not optimistic about that.
Anyways. Something sitting heavily on my heart right now is the... infatuation I have for 2 girls. Please note imp completely novice in relation to women, thus why this is bugging me. The two girls are pretty much best friends, and are both adorable. Big breasts, cute eyes, irresistible personalities (to me at least). They are similar in these ways, yet I guess are fundamentally different in terms of morals and standards.
So the real part of my troubling story starts here. Had a party at my house this Saturday night. lots of fun, only friends (woot), lots of grog, enjoyable overall. Both girls which I like were there. I get such, mixed messages from both of them. Half the time I think there interested in me, the other half that they are both completely indifferent (Why do women act like that). I guess for future reference I’ll name them, so one is Pie, and the other is Loli (pie named because came to my house the previous night and made me apple pie, Loli because well… she’s really Lolita styled I guess).
Right from the minute loli walked through the door, she was.. all over me I guess. Constantly with her arms around me, hugging, on top of me, whatever. this is before drinking. After drinking (are all women Cadburys? Christ…) roughly 2-3 shots of vodka, she was comfortably drunk. And so even more of her being ‘into’ me. I think cool!. She makes numerous references to the sex that we are later going to have, I keep playing along. When it comes down to it (her in her fishnets/cute lingerie) in my room, embracing me, closing the door, and saying take me, she goes to kiss me. I shy away from it (almost complete rebuking). Second time, I do the same. As a brief interlude, I’d like to describe my situation more. Being overweight, I feel incredibly uncomfortable with my clothes off. Im also a virgin. Second, she was under the influence, and I honestly thought to myself “Do I want to take advantage of her?” I answered no. was that the right decision? I thought it was at the time, and now I semi regret it (only because of what happens later).
I walk away from the situation trying to recollect myself. Cool cool. What really makes me unhappy rebuking her offer of sex down is because, as she got even more drunk, she gets well, sluttier. And so my asshole friend (someone I consider as a very close friend sadly) takes advantage of her. The only way to describe how I feel would be incredibly disappointed. In myself, her and my friend. My friend did this despite fully knowing that I genuinely liked her. Whatever.
Now some opinions. Was my decision the right one? I keep trying to convince myself it is (if I did take advantage of her my respect for myself would go down. Really, I honestly feel that way). But I keep thinking “what if I didn’t”.
Is it even worth trying to be a “nice” guy? Is it just me or do women just fucking get off on being abused by some fucking asshole? A sexist thing to say but sometimes I actually believe it. I don’t get it, and never will.
Second girl experience being with Pie. So later on I chuck on “wish you were here”. I go and lie down and think about what just happened. Pie walks along (obviously drunk) and lies down on top of me. We stay like this for shine on you crazy diamond, talking talking about anything really. By this time I was depressed by the whole loli ordeal that I had drunk a lot more. And so I hold no responsibility for what I actually say. Now as stupid as it is, I believe passionetly in the ideals of romantic love. Fidelity, trust, all very important to me. i realise how stupid that is. Have a cigar starts playing, we get up and start drunkenly waltzing to the music. We do this to the end of the album. Im waxing lyrically about various things, and I scantly remember stating “I’d be happy if I could just hold you in my arms tonight, will you do that? “ basically I think I made myself look fucking stupid, but as I was drunk I don’t truly care. Thing ends, she goes cold again, and im left being bored and depressed for the rest of the night by these experiences.
Im so sick of getting such mixed messages from both. Women confuse me and I don’t know how to react to this kinda thing. Oh well.
On go, I have started playing recently (2 weeks ago). Im about 25 kyu and enjoying it a whole heap. Brilliant game ^_^. Are there any players on tl?
Well I hope I can get some advice on this, but I atleast feel better now that I have poorly dripped my issue into a written format.
If anybody reads this, and gives me some wisdom, they have my thanks.
(p.s fuck msword)
