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Elvin_vn
Vietnam2038 Posts
Ok so we all know that: love => desire => expectation => pressure => disappointment => less love love => safety => stable => boring => less love love => commitment => less freedom => pressure => less love How do you maintain love? Commitment? Responsibility? Please, someone who experienced this before?  | ||
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omgbnetsux
United States3749 Posts
In my rather jaded opinion, love shouldn't require "maintenance" in a mature, mutual love relationship. | ||
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conCentrate9
United States438 Posts
love => communication => understanding => more love. Communication is not talking about issues as they arise, as every couple does that, but you have to truly understand what the other person wants out of the relationship and if they want all that you do, they will strive through adversity just as hard as you want to. But 5 years? That's a handful of unmarried people. | ||
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Aurious
Canada1772 Posts
Love does need to be maintained. love => desire => expectation => pressure => disappointment => less love love => safety => stable => boring => less love love => commitment => less freedom => pressure => less love Not true, you can never truly love someone off the start. Just keep a little distance from each other while, never lying to each other. That is the only way. | ||
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SK.Testie
Canada11084 Posts
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berated-
United States1134 Posts
On April 09 2008 10:34 omgbnetsux wrote: Longterm is over 5 years now? Jesus. In my rather jaded opinion, love shouldn't require "maintenance" in a mature, mutual love relationship. Boy do you have a lot to learn. Love always takes work. Relationships always take work. There is no other way around it. My fiancee and I have been together 5 years now. We are getting married in August and we have had to fight and struggle the entire way. We argued, we disagreed, and through it all we found out how to make it work. Now we realize that we won't always agree and that thats okay. We do have to agree that we will continue to work. I've heard it before but I really think its true that the key to a good love life is a good friendship. The magical love that is there at the beginning of the relationship won't always be there, but, when it goes if you are still happy to be around the person then you know its for real. As for the original question, how do you maintain love, you have to work for it. Its no other than any other goal or desire, it just requires work. I might sound like a broken record, but, its true. Sorry for the rambling. | ||
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useLess
United States4781 Posts
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Elvin_vn
Vietnam2038 Posts
On April 09 2008 10:54 berated- wrote: Boy do you have a lot to learn. Love always takes work. Relationships always take work. There is no other way around it. My fiancee and I have been together 5 years now. We are getting in August and we have had to fight and struggle the entire way. We argued, we disagreed, and through it all we found out how to make it work. Now we realize that we won't always agree and that thats okay. We do have to agree that we will continue to work. I've heard it before but I really think its true that the key to a good love life is a good friendship. The magical love that is there at the beginning of the relationship won't always be there, but, when it goes if you are still happy to be around the person then you know its for real. As for the original question, how do you maintain love, you have to work for it. Its no other than any other goal or desire, it just requires work. I might sound like a broken record, but, its true. Sorry for the rambling. Thank you, I feel better  WE tried hard and failed. "Shit happens." That's all I always said to motivate myself after my breakup | ||
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berated-
United States1134 Posts
On April 09 2008 10:58 Elvin_vn wrote: Thank you, I feel better WE tried hard and failed. "Shit happens." That's all I always said to motivate myself after my breakup Yah, sometimes things just don't work out. It isn't bad, its just how it goes. Hopefully you have learned from your relationship and will only allow for it to help you in your future relationships. Best of luck :D | ||
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Elvin_vn
Vietnam2038 Posts
On April 09 2008 10:57 useLess wrote: Communication and trust are pretty big factors. Mis-communication was what made my relationship failed. I've learned a hard lesson. To all who said: Mature love doesn't require "maintainance", think again | ||
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conCentrate9
United States438 Posts
On April 09 2008 11:00 berated- wrote: Yah, sometimes things just don't work out. It isn't bad, its just how it goes. Hopefully you have learned from your relationship and will only allow for it to help you in your future relationships. Best of luck :D And that's really the best advice in most relationship situations. | ||
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Elvin_vn
Vietnam2038 Posts
On April 09 2008 10:46 MYM.Testie wrote: Have (or buy) a big dick, lots of money, and treat her like garbage while very rarely showing her that you care for her. I think it works only if you don't love her. then you're just wasting your time with the wrong person. | ||
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vnlegend
United States1389 Posts
Love is designed from our biology for the survival of our species, and others. When you first meet, everything is fascinating and passionate. This is to encourage procreation. After this period of time, passionate love fades away and is replaced by something more similar to caring to help raise children. Of course the modern world has changed all this with birth control and social customs, but we are still essentially animals. Discuss. | ||
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Night[Mare
Mexico4793 Posts
On April 09 2008 10:46 MYM.Testie wrote: Have (or buy) a big dick, lots of money, and treat her like garbage while very rarely showing her that you care for her. win | ||
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Motiva
United States1774 Posts
Aside from that... Work Communicate Work Work work work work | ||
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MTF
United States1739 Posts
But, I've still got more to say. :p You will not find two people in this world who are constantly exciting, who have the same views across the board as you do, and who you can spend endless amounts of time together without variation before getting bored with. You will, however, find people who are much more inclined towards these things, and that, along with open communication and friendship, really build a base where you can work through future problems together. Feelings fade in and out; the only way to keep it that way is to keep the comfortable feelings you've always had while also bringing in new conversation/activities you can share together going. Make sure you fully explain what you mean when you're sitting down and really talking together about things; if someone is truly interested in you, there's little better aphrodisiac for feelings of connection than hearing the full force behind an emotion/idea and knowing that you're being completely opened up to. Do romantic things on occasion and something spontaneously fun every once in awhile, even if it doesn't come naturally to you; it'll open up doors to more expression between you, even if you can't pull it off fully without bungling it up. :p Also, as for the less freedom -> pressure bit...Make time for yourself as an individual. Both of you. So long as you do that, this shouldn't be an issue. A relationship can survive in such an environment where it's constantly couples time, but it isn't healthy and it isn't always fun. Letting each other have that bit of independence and free time let's two things happen: - You both get a break from your usual routines, and from each others constant presence. - You let the other person know that you trust them away from you. I know it's rather cliched, but it's been quite true in my experience; love is wonderfully easy at first, and then it becomes too easy and there starts the massive pile of work, which I feel is actually just fully getting to know one another after the fuzzy effects of initial attraction wear off. But, hey...at least it's work that you can enjoy.  | ||
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oneofthem
Cayman Islands24199 Posts
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Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
And besides that, communication is the key, of course. | ||
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