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Currently I'm in grade 11, and all these high school years, or maybe ever since the day I was born and began to communicate with people, I realized that I'm a person who really just can't make any real friends. But then again what is the definition of a friend..
So I will start at the beginning when I was in kindergarten. I was just a typical guy, you know..who plays everyday and doesn't give a rat's ass about the world, and I was mischievous and a jackass, so i didn't have a lot of friends. That is understandable, cuz being a jackass in kindergarten is pretty hard, and occasionally, like the devil that I'm, i would tease people, especially girls, and make them cry. I had a lot of bad habits, including swearing and cursing and yelling, and selfish. Soo... when i finished kindergarten, as far as I can remember, I didn't have any friends at all. But i thought that was ok, cuz i was moving somewhere else and got into an elementary school in a new area.
So then elementary school started, and once again I didn't give a rat's ass about the world. But as far as my personality and my rudeness went, I was improving. So i thought to myself, screw kindergarten, nobody remembers shit about it anyways, they were too young (but then again so was I, but I remembered..weird ><), but elementary school is the place where friendship have to be made, so I decided to improve myself and not be a jackass anymore. I had a bit of an anger problem, soo elementary school didn't go as well as I would have expected it to be. But occasionally i pick up one or two people here and there, like..form a jackass alliance. It's wayy easier for a jackass to make jackass friends than nice people.
Here goes grade 7 to 8. For me, most of the time, I was happy and carefree. I became nicer, and met some people (I'm not going to call them friends yet cuz i dont know what friends are), and it was all good. I thought : thank God i finally found some people to hang out with. But i was wrong. In class, we would talk, just like how a crowd of strangers can occasionally communicate with one another. However, other than going to school, there was the after-school life, where real friends hang outt and have fun, and enjoy life. Well on one side I didn't have that kind of lifestyle: first i didn't have any friends, i still dunno why. And second, because i have a strict family and curfew, i wasn't allowed to go out often, soo those two years went by, and they sucked. To my surprise (sarcasm), nobody ever mentioned to me: "Hey, you wanna hang out with us?". Nobody ever said that to me, and during that time I was under the illusion that as long as I can talk and laugh with people, they are my friends. But slowly I came to realize that talking and laughing are just one side of the friendship equation, and the other part is being there for your friends and share your dreams and have fun. I never did experience that side. So for a short while i decided to screw it, live my life the way it is, accept what i have, stop fucking complaining, andd see where my life leads me.
As time went past, I grew up, and through the people around me, I learned many valuable lessons about life, about respect, about love, and how I can be a good person and live my life to its fullest. Yet, because i never had any friends, I disregarded friendship or companionship in my life. In addition, my parents were busy working to support the family, so most of the time I spent my leisure time alone, thinking, working hard at school, and trying to be as happy as possible. However, when i went to high school (grade 9), I became familiar with one emotion that will become my companion for the many years to come: loneliness. In high school, I felt forlorn and excluded, and i can always see a bunch of people with their friends, hanging out during the weekend, or playing sports and having fun. I swore to myself: nobody can live his/her life alone, and sooner or later, my mentality is going to collapse. SO therefore, it was the time for a shift: I became nicer and more social. I worked very hard for academical purposes, and helped a lot of people. But most importantly, I learned how to smile, and how to appreciate the things I have in life. As this continued, I made several "friends", and I felt that I was no longer alone.
Sometimes I would comfort my friends, joke around at school with them, spend time with them at school. But whenever I leave school, I lose all contact with them, and yet i dunno why. As this progressed, I realized that i was alone once again. They would hang out, have fun, but they never invited me. I tried to become the leader by organizing things to do, but every time they would either say they are busy or they are too lazy. Eventually, i gave up.
Friends..what are friends..what makes people your friends? What does friendship mean? Does friendship involve excluding me all the time? Was there something wrong with my personality that makes people dislike me? I had good grades, i learned to smile and care and to appreciate, I am athletic, and yet why don't I have friends? Is my expectation for my "friends" too high? Do i always have to live my life alone? These are the questions that I think about everyday, and although on the surface I continue to smile and care, deep inside, I realized, that no matter what I do, I am always alone. I have no one to depend on, no one to share my happiness with. I'm just a boy, who dreams of friends, and yet my shadow is the only one that always sit beside me, self-comforting, and striving for something that I can never accomplish. If the world is the same before i was born, and the same when i am here, then the world will be the same when I'm gone.
 
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Russian Federation4235 Posts
Yes you always have to live your life alone. Welcome to adulthood.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
How the hell can someone be such a failure in kindergarten and elementary school? Making friends is as easy as sharing your crayon box with the snot nosed kid next to you.
Maybe you're trying to make friends with the wrong people or something. It sounds to me the people you want to hang out with are just being nice to you, which explains them never asking you to do things out of school.
Don't over think it, take it one day at a time and just be as pleasant and interesting as possible. I can't honestly remember how I made any of my friends, it just happens from being myself (common bullshit advice, I know).
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Friendship..... companionship, you'll need it, sooner or later. Being an only child I know this, I have very little friends but in the end, I wouldn't trade them for anyone else in the world. They're great. We have fun. We make fun of each other, we piss each other off. In time, you'll know who your friends with. Once you go to college, a lot of your friends will split and break apart while others will still be there for you.
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It's okay, you have SC. It doesn't stand for Substitute Companionship for nothing ya' know.
On another note. Why does your blog entry trigger a gay dating advert in Google Ads? Maybe theres some sort of...
..ahem, Seriously, don't go all emo. (There are too many already  ) You'll just descend into destructive cycle of moaping/self-pitying/loss of confidence. A lot of people experience something like what you're going through sometime. So don't worry. Just keep making an extra effort whenever you meet new people. You're in school, so it may be hard to shake off any loner image you have and breaking into existing groups. But don't lose heart. Try broadening the number of people who you come into contact with. Join a sport team, get a job, etc.
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actually, yeah. look into getting a job.
you'll have less time to think about how much things suck, while getting payed to do it. and obviously you can meet people from outside of school.
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A friend is another human that is your either a companion or an alliance. If he were to get attacked by anything, you would help him out and vice versa. Friends are made as an act of survival and the same goes for communities and groups. Strength in numbers is the way humans were designed originally to overcome obstacles. This is what friend or companion meant back in cave man times, and has evolved since. Even though what we now believe to be a friend is much different from our origins, the roots are still the same. This is also why humans experiance loneliness, or feel really bad when they are excluded from the group, it is an act of survival. Now realize that making friends is a skill that we all have from birth, if you do not, you are not a human. Imagine what the coolest most socially active person would look like, how he would act, what he would say. Now adapt your characteristics to be like that person, simple. Also, go to your school and observe how high social status people act there, see how they interact, and become like them. After you accomplish this, you will become instantaneously popular at your school and have people waiting in line to be your friend.
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Stop feeling so sorry for yourself.
Look at yourself in the mirror. How do you dress? What does that say about your personality? When you walk, how do you walk? Is your head down all the time? Are you trying to avoid eye contact with people all the time? Do you have this mean look on your face that says "if you talk to me, I'll fucking kill you"? All these say a lot about you, and your personality. Think about them long and hard. You have to realize what YOU are doing wrong. It's not that people don't like you, as a person, they don't like the person that you're putting forward.
You're coming off as low value to other people, and people don't want to spend their time on low value people, unless they are also low value. Do things to make yourself seem higher value to other people. Walk taller, dress better (if you're like I was in highschool, and you sound EXACTLY like me from HS, you probably dress like shit) don't walk around with a nasty look on your face, etc. When was the last time you were talking to those people and asked them if you could go with them? You're probably NOT TRYING to get into interactions with these people. Instead, you walk around with this attitude that people suck, and that no one "understands" you, blah blah.
I did that shit in HS, too, except I had a few friends. All my friends were what would normally be classified as "losers". If you can talk to the people in your class, then you're well on your way to doing shit with them. Find out about a party, go to it, and DO NOT be the guy that stands in the corner not talking to people.
Try this, next time you're in school, walk around with a smile on your face. Pay attention to your posture as you walk down the hall--do NOT let your shoulders slump down. Walk with your shoulders back, almost pushing your chest out a bit (don't overdo that, you look like an idiot when you do). Look at the coolest kids in your school, and pay attention to their body language, model yourself after it.
As far as things go for when you're talking to people, do a few things. First of all, THINK about what you're saying. Don't just blurt out stupid shit, or mean shit, think about what you're saying. Secondly, have something INTERESTING to say. Don't get all preachy with people, no one likes that. If you're politically minded, don't get overly political with people, not many will respond well to that initially. Talk about interesting things. I don't know what's interesting to the people you want to talk to, so find out. In the end, just fucking be cool. If people aren't asking you to do stuff, invite yourself. If they say no, move on, and find new people. Do that until you find some people to hang with, then start hanging with other people you meet through them, etc, etc. It's hard to do, but it's possible. I knew guys that were TOTAL losers in middle school, and they just turned it around in HS. Hell, most of the people in your class probably don't even know who you are, and that's a definite advantage for you.
Play the game with people. The game is not only played with women, it's played with all people. All social interactions will follow similar trends.
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I just thought of something else, and it's really the EASIEST way to make friends in HS. Join clubs, and/or sports. First of all--in my experience, and in the experience of friends I know that went to other high schools--sports teams are a pretty tight group of people. If you're on the team, you're one of them, and that will give you a lot of the social value you crave.
Clubs are awesome, too. Sure, you may not want to spend time at school, but that's how you're going to make friends. Join clubs and get some social value from them. Even if it's not the coolest of clubs, you'll at least make some friends.
By the way, the whole thing about not seeing these people outside of school (Again, this is from my experience, and of the people I know now), a lot of the people who seem really cool with each other in school never see each other outside of it. I used to be cool with a lot of people in HS that I never did shit with outside of it. The cool people I knew in HS didn't do shit with 90% of the people they talked to. Most people will have a smaller (comparatively) group of friends that they regularly hang out with, and they only see the larger group at social functions (like parties, which you should be going to).
So, unless you're one of the kids that everyone picks on, you can change your social life within a matter of months. If you ARE one of those kids, just remember that college is like a second shot at life. My best friend was pretty much in the same boat as I was, as far as popularity goes, in HS. He is unbelievably popular in college, because he changed his views on social interactions.
It all starts with you.
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Making friends is a skill like a lot of other social activities, if you work hard enough at it you will make friends.
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EPT
