EPT
Is a new life possible?
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
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Drowsy
United States4876 Posts
But to add some content, I had a life and it got destroyed once I got to college. High school was way easier to get around and get with girls. Probably it's just that my college is a stupid hippe college full of junkie degens. | ||
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ilovezil
United States4143 Posts
On December 05 2007 00:44 Snet wrote: I met a girl at class last week, she was very good looking and obviously out of my league. Silly me, after a week of fantasizing I had convinced myself that I truly had a chance with her. Today I found out her real name. No, I didn't ask her myself; when the class was doing a group assignment I walked to her desk and found her last name on a paper. You need that attitude. Without any confidence, you're doomed to fail. Seriously, just don't make your actions awkward and you should be fine. I'm not telling you to act like an ass, just make sure to show the girl you're worth her time, or rather, that she's worth YOUR time. Oh, and I hope you're not pulling a BS entry as you'd done in the past, Sn3t  | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32071 Posts
and college will def help. | ||
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
On December 05 2007 01:00 ilovezil wrote: You need that attitude. Without any confidence, you're doomed to fail. Seriously, just don't make your actions awkward and you should be fine. I'm not telling you to act like an ass, just make sure to show the girl you're worth her time, or rather, that she's worth YOUR time. Oh, and I hope you're not pulling a BS entry as you'd done in the past, Sn3t No, I'm being serious and hope I get serious help as well. The problem with that is I always prep myself before classes and feel like I'm super confident, but it just dissolves away once I get to wherever I'm going. I can't get the confidence to last. | ||
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lugggy
450 Posts
Imagine yourself graduated from university with a degree, only to find that it doesn't really land you any jobs. You have to start building that resume now. Keep working nonstop and when you're out of work volunteer. That's what makes you a "real person." | ||
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ilovezil
United States4143 Posts
A good practice would be finding a job that requires some social skills such as working at a retail store. Just practice talking to people and maintaining eye contact and speaking clearly. Other than that, I don't much about you. What's your social status? What's your height/weight? Skin problems? | ||
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ilovezil
United States4143 Posts
On December 05 2007 01:09 lugggy wrote: I think at this point you should aim for interesting things you could volunteer for, like at schools (younger kids), YMCA, camp, church type stuff. You can rebuild your social skills being "the cool one" to a bunch of middle school losers, get good experience both on paper and in reality, setting yourself up for better jobs later. Find places to volunteer, don't worry about how social they are because they almost all will be anyways. If not, get a job or two. Imagine yourself graduated from university with a degree, only to find that it doesn't really land you any jobs. You have to start building that resume now. Keep working nonstop and when you're out of work volunteer. That's what makes you a "real person." I thought he was takin courses in community college though? | ||
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
I thought he was takin courses in community college though? I am but that's alot different then regular school, there's not much socializing. People show up for an hour and leave. But I'm sure with the right approach it could be 100% better for me, I just dunno where to start. | ||
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Pika Chu
Romania2510 Posts
Also, pm me your msn, i'd like to talk to you. | ||
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Navane
Netherlands2748 Posts
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Fen
Australia1848 Posts
Im making the assumption that most of your friends are nerds. Theres nothing wrong with this, but Its important to have some friends who are not nerds. This changes your main form of communication with your friends from instant chat to actually talking, improving your social skills. It also changes your main form of recreation to something that is face to face rather than an online game. The good news is really quite good. College next year means that you will be forced into an environment with hundreds of other people who are friendless. Making good friend connections is very easy in this envrionment if you are able put yourself out there. Fen's Easy Guide to making friends When you meet someone new, try to find out as much as possible about them. Its true what people say, everyone likes to talk about themselves. Ask questions about them, and chances are theyll let you know what they are passionate about. Once youve found this, conversation becomes easy, because people LOVE talking about what they are passionate about. Just ask a question about their passion as soon as conversation starts to die. If you can get someone rambling on about their passions, they will associate you with stimulating conversation (even though you might say very little) and it'll be smooth sailing from then on. Get a job and make friends with the workstaff. This is always easy because you have something in common. Then when you get to college, make friends with girls. Not girlfriends, just friends. Im assuming that your not a stud with the ladies due to the fact that you had to find out that girls name off a piece of paper when she wasnt looking. Just making friends with girls with no agenda, and hanging around them a lot will help your become more confident around them. Also your girl-friends will be invaluble in helping you change your image. | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Step 2) You have to realize your own self worth and make your sense of self worth distinct from people's opinions and values to the extent that you can. Take me for example: at 24, I can get women easily (not bragging, and I do treat women very well), but I drive a Ford Festiva (look it up if you need to, it was 5000 bucks new... a super tiny hatchback!) and tend to bicycle far more than drive. I wear generic off name black jeans and off name black T shirts, and cheap black shoes. I have maybe 16 myspace friends, and no one comments on my page. I work 25 hours a week and don't make much money. I shower once a week (LOL!) and use no deoderant (LOL!!!!) I live with my Mom. What I suggest is that where you fall short of standards, use that to your advantage by incorporating it into some kind of self-deprecating humor. I often joke about how ghetto I am. For instance, I'll joke about my pimp car, and when a girl finally sees it, she laughs. Or I'll joke about how my tiny car is not a reflection of my penis size. Another thing is that I have a strong confidence in my lifestyle (you may notice I post a bit here about simple living.) I live a "poor" lifestyle because I believe in it. So when it comes up in conversation, I don't make excuses for myself, I talk about my lifestyle with pride, and make it clear that I intend to go even further than I have thus far. I do it in a friendly way, and try to be informative/cool about it, but I don't make excuses for myself. 3) Last of all, with women, I tend to just emphasize humor until some kind of serious, connected discussion can happen. I tend to tease girls a lot, in a way that is obviously harmless and friendly. I make fun of them. I act like I am their boss or leader, and they are in danger of messing up. I sometimes talk to them as if I am an old fashioned man, ie "Woman, you best do them dishes!" If you do this, a lot of women will think it's fun, and some of them will fight back with their own humor. In that case, I often play along with it somehow, either acting afraid of them or just escalating the "conflict." This is just flirtation stuff. The key is that you flirt and joke and speak in a way that is logically consistent with who you are. Think of how you are when you are in a great mood, and try to borrow those characteristics for your dealings with women. As to changing your life, I recommend you go for it, but not to fit some standard. Make changes to realize your potential. Pick up an interest. Give up TV (This is such a good idea, Snet!) A job might be cool, but I never worked till I was 22 (but then again, I didn't have a GF till my first job - I met her there.) Exercise, get into shape, and take care of yourself. Think about what is very interesting to you, and dig into it deeply. When you are driven and full of passion, it makes you interesting and attractive. Realize that even if you are single, you are still whole, and still wonderful. You must get to a place where you realize that even if you are alone, you are OK and you can be happy. When you reach this mindset, it will be much easier to get with women. Hope it helps! Good luck brotha! Nick / Inky | ||
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ilovezil
United States4143 Posts
On December 05 2007 01:18 Snet wrote: I'm 135lb and 5'09. Not really fit but I'm not fat or anything. I can get 2-3 pimples randomly but it's never anything serious. I am but that's alot different then regular school, there's not much socializing. People show up for an hour and leave. But I'm sure with the right approach it could be 100% better for me, I just dunno where to start. What I recommend is that you stay on your campus and take interest in whatever activities you can find there. Get to know people, talk to them, and just work on how to be social. | ||
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SixSongs
Poland1455 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Next semester my schedule will force me to stay 2 hours in between classes on campus. I've never really stayed at the school after class, so I'm hoping it will give me opportunities to meet some people who are stuck between classes as well. She looks very young. Like 11, 12? Probably the way the picture was taken, her myspace says 19. | ||
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ilovezil
United States4143 Posts
On December 05 2007 01:37 Snet wrote: Thanks Fen & Inky, I will definately take your advice. Next semester my schedule will force me to stay 2 hours in between classes on campus. I've never really stayed at the school after class, so I'm hoping it will give me opportunities to meet some people who are stuck between classes as well. Probably the way the picture was taken, her myspace says 19. Now's a better time than later. | ||
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grobo
Japan6199 Posts
I swear girls get 200friends insta-added as soon as they register at any community with a PM function. | ||
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omgbnetsux
United States3749 Posts
And yes, its way easier for girls to be comment whores on MySpace. | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Some attitude stuff: you are really new to the world of dating and romance. Nothing wrong with this - even at age 21 and 22 I was really new to it (and I'm still reasonably new, but a lot more sure of myself.) But the point is, you are gonna have some... interesting... experiences. You'll mess up, you'll probably show lack of experience and confidence, and a lot of girls you like very well might not work out for you (like this one you are presently set on.) Don't take this as negative - it's not! I mean to encourage you. And, it is entirely possible that you'll hit a home run on your first try. But that's not what happened for me at all. In your position, I asked out maybe 10 girls before I got a girlfriend. And, silly me, I had a few girls interested in me (some really interested in me) and I couldn't tell until after they stopped being interested in me! With some women, I know I came off as hopelessly insecure or unsure of myself, and with others I came off as just silly or pathetic. What you have to do is "sack up," and just start talking to women. And start being more out-going in general. As a genuine introvert, I can tell you it is possible to become pretty outgoing with people. It just takes time and effort. Give yourself years to make changes. It could happen much faster, but give yourself permission to take al ong time. You'll probably have a GF a lot sooner than I did, but to become more like the kind of Snet you'd like to be, it will take time. That;s just how it is. No shame in that! Just delight in every small change. I remember when I was 19 and just started college, it was difficult to look a pretty girl in the eye (I did it anyway, but it was hard!) I remember when I just had no way to tell if chemistry was happening or not. I remember at 19, I didn't even know how to invite a girl out to coffee (I was afraid of how to order coffee cuz I never did it myself - this is why having friends is good, it gets you used to such situations.) Every month you'll get better and better, just try to love yourself even right now, when you aren't necessarily where you hope to be. But anyway, to boil it down: just be prepared to try and fail with many women. Realize that there are millions of great women out there, and that romance, particularly your first romance, will probably come when you aren't expecting it. Also, think of it this way: every failure helps you learn something, and it makes you stronger. You'll get to where being rejected by women is a very minor thing, like losing a game of BW or something, at most. | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Just be social everywhere you go, and if you have good interactions, invite the girl to coffee (or something along those lines.) | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32071 Posts
On December 05 2007 01:47 omgbnetsux wrote: College is the perfect time to "reinvent" yourself as well, so don't mind-fuck yourself in to thinking you're in a hopeless situation (not that you are - you seem proactive, which is a good thing). And yes, its way easier for girls to be comment whores on MySpace. And you look like a real big loser if you're one of those dudes ****NEW PIX COMMENT ME YO!!****** | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Oh, as I am into sociology and psychology and whatnot, I thought I'd tell you all this: the average American has only 2 close confidants. The majority of a typical person's phone calls take place with just 4 other people. America is huge on image. People want to feel popular and connected, but the fact is, most people are not as plugged in as the myspace page would make you think. Besides, how could anyone REALLY have 300 friends? I have maybe 5 or 6 friends and I'm struggling to keep up with them. | ||
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XCetron
5226 Posts
so never discuss about teamliquid or the SC world with her. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32071 Posts
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
On December 05 2007 02:59 Hawk wrote: lol i wouldnt even think of telling girls about teamliquid. most dont think i play video games much outside of madden. This is the correct approach. Videogames are to women as garlic is to vampires. Bring up the games AFTER you snag the woman. | ||
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exalted
United States3612 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Here are things I am thinking about: 1) Learning the guitar. I have one from a few years ago, I used to take lessons for school but I stopped. Right now I have 0 skill in it, like its brand new to me so the idea of learning seems impossible. I would need help on where to start. 2) Working out can be a hobby I guess 3) I need something outside the house, something I can do everyday. This is what I really need your help on. I know there are sports, but thats really unlikely to be honest, I don't see myself ever going to the gym or something and trying to play basketball with people there. Any ideas of other things? | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Beyond that, I say go for the guitar. If it appeals to you, definitely try it. But the hobby thing is something you have to think about a lot for yourself, because only you know what you like, or what seems interesting. It may be a situation where you have to try things and figure out what works for you. In my life, cooking has become something of a hobby. It's a skill you can use with the babes. You might try going out to libraries or bookstores (on your bicycle!), where you can hang out and enjoy reading books, and also perhaps strike up a conversation with someone (I never really do this, but it could work.) Going out with friends is a good idea, if you have friends to go out with. (I understand if you don't - I didn't either at your age.) Take classes on art, yoga, gardening, etc. (Great way to meet women, too.) I and many others are happy to help you with guitar. | ||
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BuGzlToOnl
United States5918 Posts
 I read through most of the things people advised and don't have much to add, but community college is easy because its usually only 2 years, that means half the kids in there are new and looking to make friends. Just relax, best place to make new friends is in the lobby or library. If you need a pick up line talk about school work, assignments, projects, teachers, grades, ect. Then move slowly towards other things ask her questions where she's from, try to think of funny stories, stuff like that. Once you grow comfortable with her, let it be at friends for a while, then once you think the time is right pop the question if you want. High school didn't mean anything for me, but college is such as laid back place people are overall. GL though, remember don't be afraid if you crash and burn don't worry about it just take it as a learning experience. | ||
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AiurZ
United States429 Posts
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TesisMech
Peru688 Posts
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Folca
2235 Posts
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dcttr66
United States555 Posts
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
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Falcynn
United States3597 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
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Meta
United States6225 Posts
try drugs. that's my advice.. i was in your exact same shoes when i started highschool, and was like that up until junior year (minus the expulsion ordeal). then i started getting more into music, especially the underground/local scene. then i tried drugs. then i got laid. i forgot to add.. then i stopped using drugs. and now i'm in college, and have great grades, and a life. also, going to college isn't going to magically make you cool or get you girls.. it will just introduce you to a lot more opportunities. you still have to make the effort, but chances to expend that effort will be all around. | ||
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Night[Mare
Mexico4793 Posts
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QuanticHawk
United States32071 Posts
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OverTheUnder
United States2929 Posts
*fap fap fap* + Show Spoiler + | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
I strongly disagree with Meta on drugs. I think there might be a place for careful experimentation with drugs, but using them to complete you, to help you socially, etc, is a recipe for problems. You don't ever need drugs. Anyone who tells you that you need drugs (I realize Meta didn't say THAT, exactly) is not giving you good advice. I've done plenty of drugs, and have had wonderful experiences with them, and I can also say drugs caused a lot of problems in my life. When all is said and done, my life greatly improved when I gave them up. | ||
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Meta
United States6225 Posts
I meant it as a different way of saying "loosen up." I've seen a lot of my friends fucked up by drugs. Moral: don't do that if you're stupid. I've done a lot of drugs, but have never used them as an escape or anything stupid like that. But you seem like a smart guy, so figure it out yourself. | ||
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Binky1842
United States2599 Posts
I had a class with a girl I had gone to high school with, we never said anything to each other in high school, but I sat next to her in a class in community college, and I did just that. Our conversations started out with small talk, but then when I went out to dinner one night she was our waitress. The next class meeting we met, it was like we knew each other forever, we got a long great afterwards and now have a strong friendship years after this happened. That's one example. However, I grew up with girls, and I feel completely comfortable when I'm in a situation where its just me and her. But' I'll leave you with this. Girls want two things in a guy. When you have those honest, no bullshit talks with a girl, they most of the time will all say the same thing. First is, he's got to be funny, second is he needs to be a companion, you know, be there for her. It's beyond just starting a conversation, but in the end, that's where you'll need to be. | ||
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
On December 05 2007 12:23 OverTheUnder wrote: just curious, can you post a current pic of yourself? might help;x *fap fap fap* + Show Spoiler + http://www.myspace.com/snetmonch It's kinda weird but the only one I have online  | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
I like Binky's post, just above. Very down to Earth and honest. A lot of getting with women is just talking to em. If you can be humorous, that is a massive bonus (and I know you have that in you.) You don't have to be a standup comedian; just being able to make humorous observations or take a fun approach to things is usually enough. When talking to women, just kind of feel out how engaged you both are in the conversation. If it seems like you are both really interested in what you each have to say, and she is really getting into it, this is an indication of "chemistry." IT means your chances are good. If, on the other hand, she is talking to you, but the subject constantly changes, or it feels like it's not really going anywhere, then there could be a serious lack of chemistry. It's no one's fault. Chemistry is either there or not. | ||
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