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Northern Ireland26005 Posts
On March 05 2020 02:45 9-BiT wrote:
People are so terrified of being alone that they trick themselves into thinking polyamory will somehow fill the void in their soul. It's fucking pathetic really, learn to be happy by yourself instead of trying to find someone to leach emotional security off of.
I would have thought if you’re having issues with self-esteem in this domain then poly would be many times worse anyway?
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most people don't agree on exactly what self esteem is... and what self esteem is not.
it is impossibe to hit a target one can not see.
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On March 05 2020 02:45 9-BiT wrote:
People are so terrified of being alone that they trick themselves into thinking polyamory will somehow fill the void in their soul. It's fucking pathetic really, learn to be happy by yourself instead of trying to find someone to leach emotional security off of.
Very young children who do not receive enough physical touch from their parents have an emotional void that almost nothing will fulfill. You can do things to a child under 4 that can ruin them for the rest of their lives. So I think you have to be careful with lumping all the "afraid of being alone" people into 1 giant bucket.
For some it is just standard loneliness. For others it is the symptom of much deeper issues that cut to the core of their very humanity. Calling it "fucking pathetic really" is out of line. It depends on the person. If I got heavily into polyamoury.. labelling my actions "fucking pathetic really" probably fits. However, I had a proper childhood. For people who've lived through some disgusting horrifying early childhood experiences .. they are not "fucking pathetic really" if they happen to get into polyamoury. They are struggling to fill a void that will never go away. Its sad to see man.
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Honestly, other than perhaps a visceral disgust towards polyamory, what really is so bad about it? I think there is not very much evidence suggesting that it is a good thing or a bad thing.
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Nothing is really wrong with it, it's basically hard mode is all. Most people already struggle to be fair, affectionate and honest with one person, so one would expect that to be more difficult as more people are involved. New dynamics arise when each partner now has multiple points of romantic contact, but a balance still needs to be maintained since people's individual needs don't go away.
People tend to get a bit snide about polyamory in general when they see a case of it not working out, but honestly, when most relationships fail, poly or not, they fail on the back of the same principles. If people choose to open a relationship, that's their business, and not something to judge them for.
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winlessplayer, the first three lines of your OP are all the advice you need. If you want to stop feeling bad about it stop engaging with it. You will stop feeling so lonely within a month.
Take an analogous situation where a person is tired of wasting their money on stuff they don't need, but they browse Amazon too much, they watch too many review videos for products, and they keep visiting message boards about products.
I don't think it will magically make you not feel lonely at all, but it might give you more opportunities to feel happy doing things you do like if you stop doing things that make you feel like crap. No one is making you do these things, no one wants you to do these things... it's comparatively a pretty easy problem to solve and it might help you see a real problem that you've been avoiding through made up problems, and then you might be able to work on the real problem.
On March 07 2020 05:32 Anc13nt wrote:
Honestly, other than perhaps a visceral disgust towards polyamory, what really is so bad about it? I think there is not very much evidence suggesting that it is a good thing or a bad thing.
If you love two people, doesn't it hurt to make one jealous of the other?
I don't know if it's so much worse, a lot of people stick it out in monogomous relationships that aren't good for them until they wake up 10 years or 20 years later realising their partner never really thinks about their feelings. I think it's rare in general for people to really care about anyone other than themselves, and being in a polyamorous relationship just increases the odds that one of you is going to be a toxic shitlord and fuck it up for everyone. I honestly think the main driving force behind polyamory, and maybe the only real benefit, is that if the cost of living is too high to live alone you can split the bills, and it's better to split the bills with people who are, at least in principle, supposed to try to get along with you because you're in a relationship. Genuinely I think if everyone had enough money to support themselves and live well we'd see a huge decline in living together in general. It's hard living with other people, but everything is getting very expensive and it sucks to be room mates with someone who might end up finding a partner and leaving you to find a new room mate for a place you can't afford on your own.
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Polyamory is not a natural response to rent being high. That's what you get a roommate for. Opening a relationship with polyamory is akin to being gender non-binary. It's a decision people are reaching of their own, as they desire, and as archaic gender roles and relationship norms are being broken down. The stigma to being in any relationship that isn't one man and one woman procreating is evaporating, and people are exploring those possibilities as they question if those old norms were really working for them. Splitting rent can be a perk, but the people in the open relationship don't always all live together. Often there is a primary, or anchor, partner, between paramours, and that defines their living situation. There is no strict correlation to be found in the economic angle.
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Northern Ireland26005 Posts
On March 10 2020 21:56 NewSunshine wrote:
Polyamory is not a natural response to rent being high. That's what you get a roommate for. Opening a relationship with polyamory is akin to being gender non-binary. It's a decision people are reaching of their own, as they desire, and as archaic gender roles and relationship norms are being broken down. The stigma to being in any relationship that isn't one man and one woman procreating is evaporating, and people are exploring those possibilities as they question if those old norms were really working for them. Splitting rent can be a perk, but the people in the open relationship don't always all live together. Often there is a primary, or anchor, partner, between paramours, and that defines their living situation. There is no strict correlation to be found in the economic angle.
Indeed, although I’m a tad skeptical as to how many have actually cast off the ‘shackles’ of monogamous culture and how many want to fuck around/how many are just placating such individuals due to low self-esteem or not wanting to be alone.
It’s not for me personally but I can certainly see why it may appeal to some and have no objections or anything, I’ve just known a few monogamously minded folks who got burned pretty badly mentally when they tried polyamory for the ‘wrong reasons’ I vaguely outlined.
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EPT
