EPT
this is a solemn tale of a poster gone too far. we've all seen it time and time again
"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious volume of current proleague score
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping, were my posts to be a door
''Tis some idiot,' I muttered, 'quoting posts, oh such a bore'
'Only this, and nothing more'
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each seperate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had thought to borrow
From my posts surcease of sorrow - sorrow of the proleague score
For the cursed and wretched team that struck my heros to the floor
Nameless here forevermore
And the quick, surprising quote of the words I had just wrote
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic anger never felt before
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
''Tis some idiot spouting nonsense of my posts of proleague score -
Some fat idiot spouting nonsense of my posts of proleague score
This it is, and nothing more'
Presently my will grew stronger, hesitating then no longer
'Bitch,' Said I, 'or Faggot, truly your posting I abhor;
As my business I was minding, and so quickly you came crying
Like a woman you came sobbing, at my posts of proleague score,
That I scarce should say but 'Fuck You'' - here to show this guy what for
Quote I, and I quote more
Smugly at the website peering, long I sat there waiting, leering
Doubting he had ever seen a post like this before
But the silence was unbroken, and refreshing gave no token
Just quote, of quote, of posting of the ghastly proleague score
And I thought I'd won the battle, poster versus quoting whore
Merely this, and nothing more
Back into my chair, I leaning, a smile upon my face still beaming
Soon again I hit F5 and saw that he had posted more
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is what the mark of a dumbass is;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;
'Tis a flame, and nothing more!'
Quickly now I scrolled the pages, when, with many scornful rages
In there stepped a stately moderator, his name dressed in red decor
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with sure and steady hands, quoted my post of proleague score
Posted a post, and quoth he my post, born of rage for proleague score
With strong intent to warn
His action caused a changing, from my witty posts to raging
By the shocking degredation of the insolence it bore,
'Though thy name be red and brazen,' I said, 'thou be hardly amazing
Fat and slovenly your fingers, quoting posts and quoting more!
Will you lurch back to your cave, may I post of proleague score?'
Quoth the moderator, 'Nevermore'
Much I marvelled this ungainly chump to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning, little potency it bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was stopped from seeing and commenting on this board
How perverse, remarks implying I'm unwelcome on this board
So enraging, 'Nevermore'
But the moderator, so lonely, he and I were posting only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour
Nothing further then he uttered, not a feather he had fluttered
To myself I scarcely muttered, 'Other men have posted more'
'On the morrow, will you leave me, as you've left others before?'
Then the mod said, 'Nevermore'
Startled by the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
'Doubtless,' said I, 'what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster til his posts one burden bore -
Til the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of posting 'Nevermore'
But the moderator still beguiling all my sadness into smiling
Straight I wheeled my cushioned seat, centered this post I abhor
Then, upon the cushion sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous posting war
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous posting war
Could mean by ending, 'Nevermore'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no buttons was I pressing
To the moderator's posts who tore my heart and soul and core
This and more I sat divining, with my hind at ease reclining
On the cushion's nylon lining, that the screen's light gloated o'er,
T'was I who posted griping, with the screen's light gloating o'er
I shall post, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphims whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
'Bitch,' I cried, 'thy face is ugly - like a mottled asshole, ugly
Respite - respite and nepenthe, ne'er bar me to post more
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, let me post of proleague score!'
Quoth the moderator, 'Nevermore'
'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil - prophet still, if man or devil! -
Whether temper sent you blindly, or by message send sublimely,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this message board enchanted,
On this home by flamers haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Has then Hades frozen over, or may I yet post more?'
Quoth the moderator, 'Nevermore'
'Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if man or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow fest'ring, that your words are rife with jesting;
Tell this soul who fears to err that you'd planned your words before,
And by grace of kinder posting, I'll continue to post more?'
Quoth the moderator, 'Nevermore'
'Be that our word of parting, fucking cunt!' I shrieked upstarting -
'Get thee back into thy boyfriend, like a thirty-five cent whore!
Let my wretched pleas be mangled, bound by martyrdom I'm tangled,
Leave your actions as a stain upon this cursed message board!
Take your knife from out my heart, take my posts from off this board!'
Quoth the moderator, 'But of course'
And the moderator unrelenting, spent his time my posts correcting
On the colored gray and blue of that nightmarish message board
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming
And the screen-light o'er him streaming casts his shadow on the floor
And my fingers that were crafting hateful posts of proleague score
Shall be posting - Nevermore!"
