EPTFollowing 2016 where I hadn't even though about Starcraft, Now I''ve been following Starcraft 2 and BW more closely although I rarely find time to play now. I'm sitting at my computer watching WCS and I'm reminded of all the good memories I had.
My previous hobbies and passions soured when i got deeper into the community and found a lot of toxicity and drama that i just didn't want to deal with. so I'm missing a main "thing" I do in my life. Maybe I'll get back to into sc2.
Anyway, to provide updates on my journey on finding fulfillment or happiness, I'd taken a mantra always giving in to peer pressure, and over the last 2 years, I've tried and experienced so many things and once again i'm at a trough of emotional stability. I am feeling a lot of emptiness.
I bought a house, got promoted at work, won some awards, bought a motorcycle, traveled to many cities on the east coast. I lost 60 pounds. Was a best man at a wedding, hung out with homeless in hawaii, went to a strip club, went to Blizzcons, went to PAX, went to HAScon. joined a rockclimbing gym. learned to count cards, went to vegas. Tried different fad diets. Got into HiFi/audiophile. Did home improvement, fixed up bathroom, furnace. got to talk at a conference. Got to be in a panel at a conference.
All of it culminates in a lot of guilt where I feel like I'm not deserving of what I have. I'm trying and setting goals for myself, meeting them and finding new things to achieve. Sometimes I'll talk to old acquaintances and they'll say they're happy to see me doing so well, but to me its an attempt to figure out what i even give a fuck about, not any sort of reflection of fulfillment
I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll need to finish this later in a another post. I got very distracted by how amazing sOs vs Zest was. I'll edit this poorly written stream of consciousness later, maybe.
