EPTI'm amazed what some authors can do with the language. They can take a bag of steak sauce, and make you want steak. Really crave steak.
I think I'm as involved with language, and craftsmanship, as I was with BW. Back when I was good at BW I bet I played part time. Maybe 20 hours a week. I've been practicing Kung Fu and lifting weights behind everything else. But it doesn't really get me where I'd like to go. I tell myself I want to be a really occupied person. Someone without much free time. Not like someone without a moment to spare, but nevertheless involved. Interested in keeping a punctual persona so that people around me get good vibes.
I don't know when it was that I decided I'd never be good at anything. It's even true that I believe when I know the evidence is contrary. It was probably around 25 where I felt on top of the world, and around 30 where I decided it was all an illusion. There are so many unfamiliar things at 25, that anyone could be great at anything. Now it's all a question of persistence. But for one reason or another, I always chose something that's impossible to persist at. Something really discouraging.
Like writing for one. It's hard to write because there's so much time to yourself. Being left to yourself is one of those great tragedies. Even when we're playing Starcaft, we're not alone. It's a subtle actuality when you're writing just between you and your computer. There's no chance to enjoy the process. What I mean is that you'll seldom go back and like reading what you wrote. And what if you do? I know I wrote my first manuscript at around 3,000 words per day, which seems like a lot. So what if you're just extremely superficial. It can be impossible to enjoy anything and that's that.
