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Hi everyone,
this won't be a pretty read, I'm kind of just rambling on, but here goes:
The past:
I left home when I turned 17, moved in with my then girlfriend and started work as a bricklayer. The job was great, but the environment (co-workers, bosses, pay, the company culture, hours) all sucked, so after three years, I went back to what Americans would call high school and worked several part-time jobs on the side to make ends meet. Obviously I didn't want to move back with my parents, and I was still supporting my girlfriend, so it took me four years to finish high school, instead of three.
After that, I went to uni. Still not wanting to rely on anyone, I worked nights as a baker, started studying Latin and history, got a bis disillusioned by the latter, and switched to chemistry. That went well for two years and was probably the most satisfying academic experience for me, but it was extremely hard to keep up with the course work while working nights and weekends. Since we didn't get term real term breaks, I had to either stop eating or stop studying. So I found some excuse and quit.
I never held a job for long. I'm awesome at interviews, and I start doing really well at jobs I start, but after a while I just lose interest.
In the past ten years I have accrued two different failed academic careers, and part time jobs as a baker, a mason, a receptionist, a warehouse worker, an assistant accountant, a street musician, a tutor and a network technician. All of these jobs I enjoyed, some less, some more, but invariably I got bored after a while.
The present
For the second time in my life, I'm now a full time employee. The job is fun, the pay is pretty good, the team I work with is lovely. I'd be extremely happy if I could do the job part time, but that's not in the cards. I'm also a part time engineering student and I do about 10 hours of freelance work.
Naturally, that leaves precious little time for hobbies and outdoor activities, which is the biggest drawback. My electric guitar is collecting dust, my acoustic guitar only gets played a few hours a week, which is barely enough not to deteriorate but not enough to progress, and my social life consists only of conjugal visits from Tinder-girls and bored neighbours.
I know I could solve this by just quitting the job, living off of my freelance work and focussing on my studies, but to be honest, I enjoy the relative financial security. As someone who's been living on about 600-700 € a month for the past ten years, being able to save 50-70% of my income every month feels really good. And I do think I'm nearing the end of what I can get away with in regards to fucking up my CV. At this point I feel like I'm one prematurely quit job away from being unemployable. Employers probably expect some instability in your twenties, but since I'm pushing thirty, I doubt I can get away with that for much longer.
The future
My dream job for a while has been musician. Since I'm too old to make it as one, I don't have any long term goals. I work in IT and have just developed an interest in programming, and I reasonably enjoy my current course at uni, but I don't know how those would intersect.
Unless I just stick to the job and kill myself in five years, I don't know what to do.
I just miss the feeling of waking up in the morning, being super stoked and excited about starting to play music, learning new stuff, improving... The feeling I got with SC2, it being the last thought at night and the first thought in the morning. If I could have that kind of excitement for anything productive / profitable, I'm sure I could be happy with a career for longer.
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Work sucks, but if you can look for positives and make sure you're not stuck somewhere toxic, you can get over it.
You might have a sort of grass is greener problem, where everything seems more interesting than what you're doing right now. If you can work on thinking about how to be better at the things you have to do now, you might be able to find some joy in the work and study you have committed yourself too.
What is your plan to make going to school while working this time different from going to school while working last time, in arguably less demanding jobs? If you don't have long term goals, what's the point of school? I think those are some important questions for you to do some soul searching on.
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On April 14 2016 22:16 Chef wrote:
What is your plan to make going to school while working this time different from going to school while working last time, in arguably less demanding jobs? If you don't have long term goals, what's the point of school? I think those are some important questions for you to do some soul searching on.
That is a very good question.
I don't think you need long term goals to keep going to school. That's the part of my day I enjoy. I like learning the maths involved in my current course, and I like having guided progress through it. I like having benchmarks like exams that quantify my progress. Plus, it saves me around 500 € a semester because student's health insurance is much cheaper than the corporate health insurance plan.
Also, I want to move to Canada at some point in my life and there not having a college degree is like having leprosy.
It's the same in Ireland, but here it's a bit of a joke. My last GF has a B. Sc. and she didn't know what Pi was. A girl I dated has a BA degree in hairdressing. I tutored a computer science student for his final stats exam, which was on the same level as early high school maths in Germany.
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On April 14 2016 20:33 DickMcFanny wrote:
My dream job for a while has been musician. Since I'm too old to make it as one, I don't have any long term goals.
Why do you feel that way? (not a rhetorical question or anything)
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I just am. Being a musician is precarious enough when you have the privilege of proper training and connections, but without those it's nigh on impossible.
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if u r technically proficient being a musician does not have to be a precarious profession. my gf from my university years is at the instructor level ( royal conservatory ) in voice and piano.
between her private students, studio time, and industry contacts she has a non-stop steady stream of income and she keeps jacking up her hourly lesson rate due to lack of time.
she made over 100K the past 3 years and is on track this year to make 200K; she does not have any 1 big income source and there was no big 'lucky break'.
the only issue is that she must work in a big city with a big arts/show-biz community. she could not move to edmonton or regina and make the kind of money she is making now.
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Being a musician isn't precarious, let me tell you about this one musician I know.
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On April 16 2016 11:41 IgnE wrote:
Being a musician isn't precarious, let me tell you about this one musician I know.
Yeah, exactly.
Most people today live precariously (thanks, American "capitalism"), but someone with my work ethic in a field like music would be effectively homeless / unemployed.
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I still haven't made any progress in deciding what to do, but now I have to face a decision that I don't really want to make.
My current employer is terminating my position and converting it into a permanent one, so I can either pack my bags, or sign a permanent contract, which prohibits me from quitting for the first two YEARS (!) and includes a do-not-compete clause for the same amount of time.
So I have to decide between financial stability / security on the one hand and having enough time to enjoy life on the other.
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EPT
