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..or, the lack thereof.
I have changed as a person. I noticed that in a situation where I got in a fight with some friends over a dumb reason. The situation was that we were playing Heroes, and I was pissed because we were clearly losing the game. I stopped talking in Teamspeak, even put down my headset. When my friends started texting me in-game, I wouldn't reply, and I'd only ping on the minimap as a form of communication.
When the game was over, I got in a fight with one of my friends over this, and I really, really got mad and went over the top. So next day, I called him and simply said "hey man, I was an idiot, I'm sorry."
Two years ago, I wouldn't have done this. I would have stayed mad, not being able to say that it was my fault, that I was the one being wrong. I'm glad that changed.
However, the whole situation raised another thought in my head. I'm not the best of all gamers, but I'd say I'm above average in some genres. I was a Master player in WoL, still top diamond without great effort in HotS. My inital Hero League ranking put me to rank 13. In CS:GO, I easily reached double ak's without putting too much effort in. But whenever I reach a certain rank, I'm afraid to put the effort in to go further. To climb up higher. I have no idea why that is.
I win a game, easily, and I don't want to play another one, because I fear to lose. So I thought "well, Dragon Age it is", and went to some non-competitive, partially offline games. And I instantly missed playing with my mates in teamspeak.
This is a really weird situation. Has any of you guys experienced similar things?
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theres really only one possible explanation and its that playing mafia has started to turn you into a superhuman being
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oh that might be the truth but im bad at mafia
no wait im not
or am i
i am
i guess
this is close to a yokokano quality post
it is
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+ Show Spoiler +I'm afraid to put the effort in to go further. To climb up higher. I have no idea why that is.
I have similiar problem/afraid. I dont want to know my end goal, I dont want to know my max capacity. But not only in computer games, even in reality I look my results from my exams after 6+ months and many many other stuff.
But I am never mad, angry or whatever when I dont have good results. You wont see any difference in me if I wrote 1.0 (A+) or 5 (E) in my exams. I passed? ok, next step. I didnt passed? ok next step. But If I know I only one step away to end, I prefer to quit it than finish it.
Another problem is that I am bad at first try in any test/challenge (most people from business/work only cares about first try) and they write off/litter me. I am always the best when someone/they cares about 2nd chance, even if I have to do it without training/preparation.
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Could also be that you're investing too much of your ego into the fact that you are good at things. The more you climb, the harder things get, the more likely it is that this picture you made of you will crumble because of failure.
I had the exact same issue with starcraft, which I stopped playing 1v1 because of this.
Years later, I sometimes start feeling the same with my real life. I've been on a steep path upward this last year, and the more I climb, the more I face failure.
This used to be scary, now it's just a matter of trying again and keeping the overall direction.
I think what triggered that change of reaction was realizing that I am not my skills, but if I feel deep down that I can be very good at some things (I assume you do), then I owe myself to give it my best shot. Dunno if that's very clear ^^
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Could also be that you're investing too much of your ego into the fact that you are good at things. The more you climb, the harder things get, the more likely it is that this picture you made of you will crumble because of failure.
This, yes. Among the guys I play with, I am, most of the time, the very best. But it's not hard to be the best if you're playing with silvers, right?
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True, but I think what's important is how this mechanism works for you, not as much how it applies to video games.
Again, shooting in the dark here, but it could be that you're an "underachiever" in real life and it kinda frustrates you, so you cristalize this on your video games skills rather than facing the fact that you could apply your talents to something meaningful to you. Could also be that video games are that thing, I dunno, but it's interesting to take a step back and just observe yourself in similar situations with different context. With time patterns will emerge and you will get a better understanding about how you function and how to move forward.
Even if people tell you "I've been through the exact same thing, here's how to cope with it" - so pretty much what I'm doing - in the end each person's journey is his own, and it's up to you to find your "true north" and navigate toward it.
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Perhaps there is just a large skill disparity between you and your friends? When that happens and you're facing people of their level, the games are fun and easy and you'll carry them up. But soon you'll be matched against people where their overall skill is higher than your buddies (but lower than your personal skill) and you'll feel like you SHOULD be winning these games based on their poorer play. But due to your teammates not being as good, they're losing you the game and you cant help but mentally assign blame.
I find that where there is a large skill gap in friendgroups, its best to just take it really really easy and not invest yourself mentally in those games (esp if you are the best player by far) or else as a competitive person, it wears down on you. Even though you apologized after, perhaps the best is to recognize why you get mad and prevent it from happening in the first place?
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EPT
