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I’ve never been one to be in touch with my emotions. Things like happiness and sadness are stuff I’d rather just not deal with. I wouldn’t go so far as to say i’m normal, and I think the way I see the world is different then most people. It’s by no means a bad thing, but for me it's easier to predict others actions and emotions more so than my own. I don’t know why, maybe it's growing up in a house where you’re constantly surrounded by people. Quietly observing.
Personally, I think one of the strengths of my character is the fluidity in which it changes. To be the most “optimal” me in any situation. The person that I am is dictated by who I’m with. While this is true to some degree for a lot of people, I believe that is true to an enormous degree, and that very few people are as conscious of it as I am.
Writing serves as a medium for me to get in touch with my thoughts and to see my current self. I would like to make this a weekly practice, as rereading my writing during certain times in my life has been helpful.
Through writing I hope to grasp something solid in my ever changing personality. To understand what it means to be me, and not to be the me that is put forth to please someone else.
-hachiman
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TLADT24920 Posts
Welcome to TL! Be true to yourself is something that I live by. Of course, there are some exceptions to that rule 
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thanks, I guess you could consider myself a BigFan of yours. Hue.
I believe that I should be true to myself, but myself changes based on who i'm with. So how do I choose which self to be true to?
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On June 08 2015 10:39 Hachiman wrote:
thanks, I guess you could consider myself a BigFan of yours. Hue.
I believe that I should be true to myself, but myself changes based on who i'm with. So how do I choose which self to be true to?
Many people are different depending on who they are around. Having different persona's based on who you interact with is pretty normal. I know I act differently if I'm talking to my mom compared to my friends or someone I don't know. If possible try to figure out which persona you identify with more, or which persona you would prefer to be what defines you.
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The idea of self that you are criticizing, I think, is the Cartesian self - the solid, permanent, core YOU that exists across all times and circumstances. But a lot of people, both modern and ancient, reject this idea.
For modern researchers, this is a hot topic:
"The “self” is surely one of the most heavily researched areas in social and personality psychology, even if the debate continues as to whether a self truly exists."
http://www.oxfordbibliographies.com/view/document/obo-9780199828340/obo-9780199828340-0093.xml
And central to ancient Buddhist philosophy is the idea of "dependent arising" or "dependent origination", which is connected to the Taoist teaching that there is no "this" without a "that", or that we understand things in contrast to one another, not independently.
Anyway, it's an interesting observation and if you wanted to ponder more about it, there are a couple thousand years of dialogue to catch up on. Enjoy!
edit: about your self exploration: for facts about the way the brain / perception works, I trust only science. For practices to help shape behaviour, habits, attitudes or emotions, I'd suggest Secular Buddhism - and the main tip would probably be not to try to disassociate (because you cannot be disassociated - you can at best be differently associated, as to an idea of yourself, but naturally that idea is not entirely self-generated, since no idea is or could be...and if it was? If it has no association to the world? Then it would be irrelevant and meaningless), but to notice your associations and engage with them creatively. Apply some decision-making to some of yourself, in other words. Also notice how other people are reacting to you, and notice the influence your association to them has on them. Etc...
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Thanks for the interesting insight into your thinking. I would say I'm a more emotional person and recently I learnt the awesome power of controlling my emotions through decisions. It's a decision I love to make.
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United Kingdom36161 Posts
I came hoping to read something about ketamine. Alas.
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I don’t know why, maybe it's growing up in a house where you’re constantly surrounded by people. Quietly observing.
Maybe you're not observing yourself enough?
On June 08 2015 10:14 BigFan wrote:Welcome to TL! Be true to yourself is something that I live by. Of course, there are some exceptions to that rule
Yea exceptions such as times where bigfan has to got sugar coat things to make himself look better.
everybody knows bigfan is a fantastic bedroom politician waiting to break out in the real world. I recall seeing a sig about bigfan running for president
hahahaha
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On June 08 2015 22:23 marvellosity wrote:
I came hoping to read something about ketamine. Alas.
What do you want to know? 
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Gl with your writing. You should do that whenever you can, seems helpful
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EPT
