EPTIn late middle school/early high school, I knew I was definitely not straight and came out as gay since it seemed like the most rational explanation to me at the time, especially after my breakup with my girlfriend. However, something did not sit well with me with the gay identity. For one, I realized after two years that I was definitely bisexual but more importantly, something about being a guy did not sit well with me.
When I was 15, I was browsing some visual kei and I came across two videos that just brought a feel that I could not explain. I had my eye on two of the guys, the first being Ayame from Manterou Opera and Rookie Fiddler (lame name I know) from A(エース) I watched them over and over again and realized that I wanted to be like them, not in Final Fantasy-esque costumes, but to look feminine, in fact, take it a step further and be treated like a girl.
So with this in mind, I wanted to try on female clothing, get my eyebrows done, skincare, and makeup. Problem is, I had no one to talk to about this. So for about two years, I had to keep this secret which just destroyed me, and was probably the biggest contributor to my suicide attempts.
I then went to college for one year, tried to get therapy, but could not since I had no money. I eventually came out to my sister at Denny's. I asked her for help but there was little she could do since she was a medical student with no money.
Eventually, I had to drop out of college due to a lack of funds and came to Los Angeles to work as a sushi chef. With all the money coming in and a safe area to express who I am, I naturally started looking into hormones. Thankfully, I did not have to go through a real life experience but it took a few months due to bureaucracy to get on the medication.
Unfortunately, I broke up with who is now my ex-boyfriend who moved onto a real girl (3rd time it happened) which crushed me and I have to deal with sexual harassment on a daily basis at the restaurant, but overall, I am much happier with my life and optimistic for the future given the changes in such a short amount of time.
Timeline
Playing the DS with my sister
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/iN0Rs9r.jpg)
13 Years Old
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/jCTt06d.jpg)
16 Years Old
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/l0zK3Q6.jpg)
20 Years Old Pre-Hormones
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/DMWKGkw.jpg)
20 Years Old 2 months on Hormones
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/nQWqHLd.jpg)
3 Months
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/gjuajFq.jpg)
4 Months
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/cxYvPa0.jpg)
