EPTRecently though and probably for the last 2 years of playing starcraft I've gradually lost my energy to play it. I felt like I needed a purpose to play a game beyond wanting to have fun with it, which I arguably wasn't and at times I still question if I am having fun. It's not the same type of fun I get from playing a game like Mario Kart or something like that. The fun I derive from the game comes from this satisfaction or relief from winning a game, because every game you put so much effort into in order to win, a joy that comes from analysis and improvement.
I feel like I've fallen into a slump recently. I don't know where I'm headed in life and I'm not sure if I'm even enjoying myself anymore with anything that I do. I always have my ups and downs on the rocky slope traversing life. I also wasted a lot of my time wasting other people's time and I just feel really bad. I should probably find a better use of my time.
For maybe two months I played Team Fortress 2. This was the first and only time since I came across StarCraft in late 2011 did I diverge into playing another game for so long. The computer I had at the time wasn't so great so I could only play on this one server called tf2_fort. It had few textures and you would place objects on your team's side of the field to create the ultimate fort. It was really fun making sniper watch towers and mazes so you could hide whatever you needed. I recently got access to a newer computer and I decided to revisit Tf2. My favorite server was locked for some reason so I was kind of bummed out about that but I was able to play on whichever server I wanted to, textures and all included. For some reason it just felt boring though and I uninstalled the game soon after. I remember this one time I was playing on a server with all computers. I had absolutely no idea and I continued playing for a good two hours because the computers would have automated messages and original usernames. I felt like I had just wasted my time completely.
I'm still not sure what I should do. I tried playing some League of Legends but that wasn't fun for me either. I started this blog optimistically but now I'm just having doubts. All of my burdens are pulling me down to earth. What was my resolve to continue playing? I have none.
). God, I gotta get into it again. 
