EPT1. Scouting
Forrest Gump's mother always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump's mother also never won a war, let alone a single battle. The reason is that she never really scouted well. Honestly, who ever goes out there and just purchases random junk, as long as it looks dark? Isn't that stupid? How does that relate to a buzzword blog? Well it's a point in a list, so cross it off. Don't forget the picture.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/VTfMr78.jpg)
Nasty Stuff: Fog of War
2. How's your market share?
Doesn't matter why you still read this nonsense, probably because your inner autist forces you to. But you didn't quite check if you're invested enough, or how the ROI looks for this one. It's all about $$$, if you haven't bought BitCoins or DogeCoins yet, you should probably consider it.
Is it safe? Your investement I mean. Gosh, how are you ever be successful? You are not aware of your brand. Do you have a logo yet? A logo is key. I suggest you pick something simple, but meaningful. Make it not have ComicSans in it.
Also, if you are part of a pyramid scheme, you should totally tell us more about it. I suggest you write a lengthy blog about how it will work out, how it relates to snow ball schemes, and afterwards, once you realized how crazy you sound, you should totally go out there and sponsor a Defiler Tournament to make up for it.
If push comes to shove, well, I'm told not to tell, you might as well sell cards of a card game like Yu-Gi-Oh! Don't be a loser and show why you took economy classes in the first place. To randomly list buzzwords. Buzzwords are what makes you a good capitalist.
3. Community and Networking
There's no chance for you to lead a happy life if you're not networking. You have to know your co-workers, but more importantly, you have to know the community. It comes down to trust. Personally, I go for the „ban everyone“ concept, so everyone is there in fear talking to me. But that's me, I'm German, I don't know what humor is or what manners are.
It'd be probably best if you tackle it differently. Make some witty advertisments and puns involving some stuff everyone enjoys at the moment. Like Idra bashing, but that's probably 2011 already. So... like that:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Ms2uNmB.jpg)
See? You showed community support and how invested you are in eSports ©.
4. Right Vocabulary
Remember, regardless what you write and how daft it is, be sure to sound very sophisticated. Use words like alas, hence to make your point. The worse your phrasings are, the better. Like, at least half of the visitors are non-natives, they don't understand you anyway and blame their education for it. Who cares if the reader's English prolly is best in all Petrapavovlosk, when you can tell him to „surrender his IP Adress“. Rape the language!
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/5aoHYGn.png)
avoid this at any cost
Well don't. Never ever forget to be politically correct. He/she/it might be offended. A medic isn't raped by the tentacle that gets shot up his/her/its ass, it's wrecked now, because it is. Half a glass of water is neither half full or half empty, it's oppressed by stereotypes. Make a mistake here, and you'll end up Clerks style. Also link random words, which you wouldn't click otherwise. So, accept there's stuff you can't say anymore.
5. Twitter
There's a sad tale about a Dutch professional, who got in face with an American shortly before StarCraft II. He had no followers at Twitter. You probably have never heard of him again, although even Liquipedia tried to advertise his Twitter ID. So, get your Twitter ID out there as often as possible. Brought to you by @DonGeckone.
