So I'm a senior in high school, recently turned 17. My younger brother is 14 and a freshman. Despite that, he is already taller than me and (in my opinion) has a cuter looking face than me.
Today, like some weekdays, my brother wanted to go to the gym, so I took the car and drove him there. The thing is that my mom freaks out when I try driving at night because she think I'm going to somehow mess up driving in the dark so she came with us in the car too. For a few days the gym employees have been asking for my dad to come in and sign some official documents because my dad recently changed his credit card (or something along those lines) and he pays for me and my brother's monthly gym subscriptions.
At the front counter were two young girls (who looked about the same age as me although I had never seen them at school). There is a sign in scanner and me and my brother swiped our gym cards. The brunette girl with big brown eyes who was wearing a dark hoodie sweatshirt and too much eye makeup came up to us and reminded us again that our dad to come in and sign the papers. She looked Italian or possibly even Middle Eastern. Next to her the blonde girl with the piercing blue eyes came up and said that they had been telling us to get the papers signed for a few weeks and that our dad had to sign the papers as soon as possible. She was wearing a pink hoodie sweatshirt and first looked at my brother and then slightly glanced at my eyes occasionally. Because I'm a little insecure and because I'm shorter than my younger brother, I could get away with standing a little behind him so they didn't have to look at me.
So we went in and did our workout. Being weaklings, me and my brother usually bench press about 80 pounds (36 kg). After that I tried to go on the treadmill but seeing how crowded it was decided to sit on a bike machine from where I could watch the brunette at the front counter. My mom suddenly came in through the front door trying to find us because she thought it was getting late (it was 7:30 pm). I called my brother to go home.
While we were walking out the front door, I noticed the two girls who work there sitting on the far corner of the front counter talking to each other. I was walking behind my brother and as he left the gym, and I was holding the door ready to leave, the brunette girl looked in our direction and said "bye guys". I know for a fact that she never says bye to anyone who visits the gym as they're leaving, but most people appear to come alone, not together like me and my brother. And indeed it would be awkward if she was saying bye to one guy. Now she could just have been doing her job and being nice and courteous (more likely) or she could have felt a "connection" with either me or my brother. Now we're not the best looking guys, nor the tallest, nor have the best physiques. Or maybe she just felt like being nice because we were all in high school, but I see a lot of guys going to the gym who are in high school and she never acts like that towards them. Then I realized that she was giving us special attention because she keeps asking our dad to sign the paperwork (and maybe she felt a little bad about asking so many times literally every time we got to the gym).
So as I'm about to exit the gym, the brunette girl says "bye guys", and I kind of look up in the direction that she is sitting and talking with the blonde girl, and I kind of turn my head and smile, afraid to do anything more because my mom is watching me outside the door.
But anyway if you read this far, the point I'm trying to make is that basically whenever a pretty girl is nice to me or shows me any attention, I get preoccupied with the thought and keep playing the situation over and over again in my head, like if I made a good impression, what the girl thought, etc. I mean this is totally stupid, I don't even know her name, but I'm sure I will see her again as she is an employee at the front desk at the gym. But I guess I just shouldn't care and be myself and all that jazz. I just feel like Al Pacino's character in the movie where he plays a blind guy who is in love with a woman. I feel figuratively blind in the sense that I have no idea how to navigate the road of love and girls.
wow...this blog smells like insecure teenage blog, no offense. I used to be like that in my younger years. Unfortunately 10 years have passed by and I reminded of my own foolishness and experiences as I read your blog.
next time you are lifting weights and the girls comes over or passes by immediately make your voice a bit louder saying something like '567...568...569...'
On December 04 2014 11:20 fluffy_pylon wrote: She looked Italian or possibly even Middle Eastern.
Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick, she totally Italian or maybe some kind of Spanish!
Confidence is considered one of the sexiest traits either sex can exhibit. It's something anyone can develop - you just have to start at the right spot (just like you have to lift light weights at first). Keep working out (there's some great advice in the fitness threads here on TL).
Forget about your brother. Not only are you not the best judge of who of you is cuter, but different people (girls) will always see something different. My brother and I are very similar looking, however you'd be surprised how split girls have been about which one of us is more attractive. Actually, don't just forget about your brother - don't compare yourself to anyone else. Accepting what you can't change and realizing what you can is probably the best life advice I've ever been given.
Now, about learning to speak or be around girls... find some sort of extracurricular activity that has both guys and girls. School clubs, Church, sports, 4H whatever - anything. (Doesn't have to be something you're good at - the point isn't to impress these girls.) Learning to talk with girls you're not attracted to (or you know aren't attracted to you) helps a lot. It won't be overnight, but any extended interaction (especially where you can start with a 'scripted' environment) will get you more comfortable. As you learn to see girls as people (and people as yourself) you'll become less self-conscious and relaxed.
On December 04 2014 15:09 icystorage wrote: next time you are lifting weights and the girls comes over or passes by immediately make your voice a bit louder saying something like '567...568...569...'
Too much analysis paralysis, thinking/reflecting too much can be a bad thing.
There's nothing magical about talking to girls, it's something that you can get better at by just simply doing it. Is there anything you attend besides the gym that you're good at? You need to build up your self-esteem and meet lots of different people, finding something where you can express yourself and get praised for it helps a lot with that. Also try doing it by yourself for a while, there's nothing wrong with hanging w your brother but it seems like you hide your insecurities behind him. Learn to face the world by yourself.
Also it's completely normal for your age to be preoccupied with personal flaws. Just know that girls care a lot less about looks than personality in the long run (pretty much everyone does). Be well groomed and dress nicely and you don't have to worry about that stuff anymore.
Btw the thing you described? Its basic infatuation, your hormones acting up. Like you said you don't even know her name! Hell, to tell you the truth I've woken up from dreams where I dreamt about meeting some girl, only to be sad when I realize it was only a dream. Hate to be the guy who kills the magic but as soon as you realize that those feelings you have are just basic human instinct, the better you can deal with it imo. Rationalize it and try not making such a big deal out of it, you said it yourself that thinking this way is bad. So I'm sure you'll figure it out.
As a 30 y/o guy, who had fair share of relationships with girls my only advice to you (even if its not related to the blog): don't give a crap about girls now, never think about them, never smile back, never dream. Just ignore. They dont give a 2cents about you, its just a game, they're playing it nice to get your attention and nothing more.
Work on your education, career, body, talents and dreams. And someday girls will come around by themselves. All you have to do is to choose the right one.
EPT
