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Hey Guys DJWilma here, this is basically a diary for getting myself back into SC2, and reflect on my thoughts.
Though constantly staying in touch with the scene, I had fallen out of love with playing Starcraft II. Every once in a while I would pop on to play some team games, but nothing serious. Having moved out of the parent's house, and in with a bunch of gamers, my competitive passion had re-awoken.
Through the ashes of my former glory, was the bitter taste of failure. Having ended my original competitive infection making it into Masters during WoL, and knowing my way around HotS, a valiant adventure to Diamond didn't seem unreasonable. Being shot down into Gold seemed excessive, but at least I only had one direction to travel, up. Or so I thought.
Having dealt with anger issues in the past with Starcarft, I couldn't imagine it to be so blinding this time around. Knowing my previous skill cap, I didn't find as much satisfaction in my victories at this level, but the rage had grown so something just within my control.
Being simply outplayed is no issue. Making mistakes, messing up a hot-key, army out of position, forgetting to simply go back and macro, essentially throwing the game, brings out my demons. My room mates have suggested, "just don't get so worked up," since they rarely get upset over a loss.
Smashing my fists on the keyboard is always the initial action, just to let some of that frustration purge from my system. I attempt to hold it back when people are around, but the need for release is unbearable. The pleasing image of throwing the monitor across the room just makes the need for an outburst even greater. Sending replies to the player to end his existence aides in the calming of the anger's itch. All these destructive measures are simply to sooth the beast.
In an attempt to reduce the rage aspect of my play, I went to change my mindset. Internalize it all, and keep a steady state of mind. Having prevented myself from getting angry, a chilling wave of self-worthlessness would ensue. Losing all drive for anything. The concept of deducing all mistakes onto myself would cause such depression, the only option would be to go lay down, and forget the world.
Choosing to allow the outbursts to occur just to keep my competitive spirit alive, you shouldn't expect kind words if you found yourself on the other side of a ladder match. Just remember no hard feelings (especially if you're told to end yourself).
 
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Some things that help me with emotions:
1. Having something that is real. Like I have a daughter and when I sometimes get emotional in a game I just have to think to myself "Dude, seriously, this isn't real, you have a wonderful child, you have a nice job, this stuff on the monitor can't be really bringing you down, can it? It's just imaginary creatures murdering each other in space, come on, that's not a problem.".
2. Thinking in the way of "Whenever I win a game it's because my opponent made more mistakes than me, whenever I lose a game it's because I made more mistakes. It's not luck, it's just that - making more mistakes.". But he proxied me oracles or all-inned me with (random crap) here. So? You failed at scouting his strategy. It's ultimately your own fault. Remember when you DID scout a cheese and then crushed him? Were you overjoyed and brimming with pride? Or did you just brush it off with "Aah, crappy cheeser, gtfo my game!" and then moved on? You are not supposed to win every game although you might you are, you are not. So I just try to made as few mistakes as possible and this leads to no anger at all. For me at least. Try it out, see how that goes for you.
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You're going to lose some games and there's not much you can do about that. Making your goal about winning and losing is just asking to be frustrated and disappointed. Instead, you should focus on improving different things in your play one at a time.
And losing might still make you feel bad, but there isn't much you can do about that either - you have to accept that no matter how hard you fight, you can't win every game. There are lots of things that can make you feel that way, and the emotion will pass before too long.
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Just out of curiosity: do you rage about anything else in life? or is it limited to Starcraft?
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On August 09 2014 02:27 Kalingingsong wrote:
Just out of curiosity: do you rage about anything else in life? or is it limited to Starcraft?
Starcraft has a strange way of bringing out the worst (and sometimes best) in people.
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On August 09 2014 03:09 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2014 02:27 Kalingingsong wrote:
Just out of curiosity: do you rage about anything else in life? or is it limited to Starcraft? Starcraft has a strange way of bringing out the worst (and sometimes best) in people.
I'm actually a rather happy person, Starcraft brings this weird evil out in me.
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getting mad at video games is something that you will generally just grow out of as you get older from my experience. not trying to sound condescending btw. age just brings a lot of perspective and mellows you out competitively.
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I think Starcraft upsets a lot of people because it gives you a glance at your limitations, in comparison to someone else. It never feels good knowing someone else is better than you. In real life, you don't have to deal with that realization so often.
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On August 09 2014 03:09 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2014 02:27 Kalingingsong wrote:
Just out of curiosity: do you rage about anything else in life? or is it limited to Starcraft? Starcraft has a strange way of bringing out the worst (and sometimes best) in people.
Are you saying what we see on this forum is the best of you?
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EPT
