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Hey guys,
Im only writing this blog cuz im bored out of my fucking mind.
Well its been like 7 months post operation and my eyes havent stoped buzzing around like a bee. My next appt with the doctor was Aug 28 but my mom called in and begged them for an earlier appt which was a few weeks ago. They said I have 20/20 vision (they tested it with my glasses on) an the strabismus is done settling in, and the shaking is a brain problem (something iv been suspecting for a long time). He started giving a few theories, that its stress, or its some tick (he also mentioned my random neck movements). I also told him about how when I was little I used to do things like fling the TV remote in the air while watching TV, which also points to a long standing brain problem. Even now my legs twitch and my toes curl (things iv been doing since I was little). I already went to my family doc (I was told to do this by my surgeon) to get check out. Got a full check up, and a CAT scan (at my moms request) and everything showed up to be fine. I was complaining alot about my mind wandering but my mom helped me realize thats its just cuz im just sitting here doing nothing (most of it is just fantasizing about how awesome at stuff im going to be, but a bit of it is just my mind going through my life and coming to realizations about how everyone just tried to shove me away, and iv never actually had a real friend in my life, cuz no one says anything to you face, everyone just hints around, and my brain cant take spontaneous thought), so my mom asked for a psychiatrist. Funny thing is, my surgeon says thats a good idea, cuz he said that a psychiatrist would be helpful in figuring out why my body parts are shaking. Im not really depressed at all. Im just waiting for my eyes to stop shaking so I can get on with my life.
A thought popped in my head that if is a more serious problem, my eyes should have split off already, and im thinking the shaking actually helped train my brain into learning how to use my eyes, so atleast theres that. My psych appt is Oct 20, which is really fucking far away. I called them to get it earlier but they cant but they were like 1 I can keep calling every week to see if anyone cancelled and 2 I could go to an emergency room if I thought it was a crisis, which I did. Lol, they emergency room psych is just for those emo, wrist cutters. The doc was like I can stop heart attacks, internal bleeding but not your eyes from shaking. He was gonna prescribe something, but I already have Lorezapam, which he said miht help your symptoms (which its not). Hes saying a psych isnt gonna help much go to a neurologist, but my mom already got an appt for a neurologist and my surgeon is saying the neurologist isnt gonna help much cuz his thing and the neuro thing are kinda close..... I googled psychiatrist and on wikipeida I scanned the topic overlap with neurologist... so arent they the same thing lol.
This is so lame, im handicapped, physically unable to do anything about my situation. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaameeeeeeeeeeee
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Hong Kong9169 Posts
so are they thinking the shaking is psychological?
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Your body either can't produce or can't signal enough inhibitors. While the rest of the problems suggest it, the curling toes gives it away. The underpart of the foot is much stronger than the top part of the foot, and the muscles have to be "turned off" to relax.
The psychiatrist isn't going to be able to do all that much, though they will pickle your brain for a few months with random drugs. What you need is either a neurologist that works with Cerebral Palsy/movement disorders or one is a research setting. The stuff they gave you was a GABA(a) effector, but it doesn't produce more. Which is why it doesn't do all that much, except probably make you high as a kite (at times). GABA(b) agonists might help, but those can be just as nasty as what they've given you already.
The issue is a bit about your head, however. That points to more a systematic issue, however, it could be just as simple as the rest of the nervous system leaves your brain quite drained of resources and it's attempting to compensate. You see this with pain disorders that originate from the outer body, as those disorders actually change the way the brain processes thoughts due to the overload of certain segments of the brain.
Which leads me to a strange question: how do you do on long car trips? After the trip, are you flat & utterly exhausted? Or do you feel like you're still moving while the car is stopped? (Especially after a long time on the highway/motorway)
On what you can do in the mean time: realize that the Brain has a whole lot of parts, so don't assume "concentration" exists as one thing. There are things you can concentrate on for Hours without issue; other things you can't concentrate on. I'd start thinking through what you can do for long periods of time, then go about doing those things which you can, while building useful skills for the rest of your life. (I was able to learn a whole slate of management skills while in my wheel chair) You're limited, but you have to think of this as a "long game". Build into yourself traits & skills you want for the rest of your life, even if they don't do that much for you now.
Lastly, forgive the people you've known most of your life. The eye issue, on top of the concentration issue, makes it far hard to look you in the face. It's highly frustrating, but they're responding instinctively and simply don't know how to respond to you. Also, a good trick, talk to people at a 3/4 angle. It helps them not be able to key off the "there's something wrong with him" look your face can take on, at times. It's also an authority posture, so people will like you better when you add in that skill. (Humans read more communication by body position & facial expression than they do by words.)
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i can barely read so plz forgive me I cant reply properly (i need to thought cuz im going nuts and need something to do)
On August 03 2014 02:06 itsjustatank wrote:
so are they thinking the shaking is psychological?
thats a theory..... even though im just sitting here pumped about what I can do with proper eyes
On August 03 2014 02:18 Taf the Ghost wrote:
Your body either can't produce or can't signal enough inhibitors. While the rest of the problems suggest it, the curling toes gives it away. The underpart of the foot is much stronger than the top part of the foot, and the muscles have to be "turned off" to relax.
The psychiatrist isn't going to be able to do all that much, though they will pickle your brain for a few months with random drugs. What you need is either a neurologist that works with Cerebral Palsy/movement disorders or one is a research setting. The stuff they gave you was a GABA(a) effector, but it doesn't produce more. Which is why it doesn't do all that much, except probably make you high as a kite (at times). GABA(b) agonists might help, but those can be just as nasty as what they've given you already.
The issue is a bit about your head, however. That points to more a systematic issue, however, it could be just as simple as the rest of the nervous system leaves your brain quite drained of resources and it's attempting to compensate. You see this with pain disorders that originate from the outer body, as those disorders actually change the way the brain processes thoughts due to the overload of certain segments of the brain.
Which leads me to a strange question: how do you do on long car trips? After the trip, are you flat & utterly exhausted? Or do you feel like you're still moving while the car is stopped? (Especially after a long time on the highway/motorway)
On what you can do in the mean time: realize that the Brain has a whole lot of parts, so don't assume "concentration" exists as one thing. There are things you can concentrate on for Hours without issue; other things you can't concentrate on. I'd start thinking through what you can do for long periods of time, then go about doing those things which you can, while building useful skills for the rest of your life. (I was able to learn a whole slate of management skills while in my wheel chair) You're limited, but you have to think of this as a "long game". Build into yourself traits & skills you want for the rest of your life, even if they don't do that much for you now.
Lastly, forgive the people you've known most of your life. The eye issue, on top of the concentration issue, makes it far hard to look you in the face. It's highly frustrating, but they're responding instinctively and simply don't know how to respond to you. Also, a good trick, talk to people at a 3/4 angle. It helps them not be able to key off the "there's something wrong with him" look your face can take on, at times. It's also an authority posture, so people will like you better when you add in that skill. (Humans read more communication by body position & facial expression than they do by words.)
My mom asked for the Lorezapam just for sleeping purposes, and the emergency doc was like it might help with my other stuff and that really do anything there either (Except the first day where i slept for 12 hours, but I woke up alot to go to the bathroom)
Most of the time my feet shake, I dont think my toes curl all the time.
for the car idk, but I always have to listen to music and eat fennel seeds or else I puke, iv had motion sickness since I was kid.
oh yeah no with people it was what I said that bothered them. Since my mom really pushed me hard in school, I got A's so I think i was arrogant or something I cant remember bu tI defintely rubbed poeple the wrong way. No one cared about the lazy eye.
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I feel for you. I don't have a shaking problem but I can understand the strabismus side of things. It sucks when you realize that it is probably a genetic defect present at birth (something in my brain), and then when you think about your crazy family - most families are pretty crazy, but in this context it presents itself as a genetic problem more than anything else, addictions, alcoholism, etc. etc.... Just a really rough way to go through life.
Is it possible for you to try the Brock string?
Lots of eye exercises on this site:
http://www.wavtc.com/?page_id=1766
^ Wow, that link took me a while to find. I had it saved on my computer. I also recommend saving the page (right click - save as - web page) in case the site ever goes down so you can be sure you have it later.
Edit: Here also is a page with stuff to buy for anti-suppression activities. Haven't tried any of them yet. I'll probably go see a vision therapist first and see if they have anything to recommend.
http://www.oepf.org/products/category/anti-suppression-activities
Edit2: If the meds aren't helping, I suggest you stop taking them. I am increasingly wary of all chemical meds these days - just listen to the commercials. The side effects take longer to tell than the 10 seconds they have to sell the product. "Using this pill may result in internal bleeding, kidney failure, brain damage, heart attack, stroke, tightening of the arteries, and sudden death. But don't worry, you'll be happier!"
So that's my reasoning behind not taking the pills - if they are not in fact helping you.
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On August 03 2014 07:12 hp.Shell wrote:I feel for you. I don't have a shaking problem but I can understand the strabismus side of things. It sucks when you realize that it is probably a genetic defect present at birth (something in my brain), and then when you think about your crazy family - most families are pretty crazy, but in this context it presents itself as a genetic problem more than anything else, addictions, alcoholism, etc. etc.... Just a really rough way to go through life. Is it possible for you to try the Brock string? Lots of eye exercises on this site: http://www.wavtc.com/?page_id=1766^ Wow, that link took me a while to find. I had it saved on my computer. I also recommend saving the page (right click - save as - web page) in case the site ever goes down so you can be sure you have it later. Edit: Here also is a page with stuff to buy for anti-suppression activities. Haven't tried any of them yet. I'll probably go see a vision therapist first and see if they have anything to recommend. http://www.oepf.org/products/category/anti-suppression-activitiesEdit2: If the meds aren't helping, I suggest you stop taking them. I am increasingly wary of all chemical meds these days - just listen to the commercials. The side effects take longer to tell than the 10 seconds they have to sell the product. "Using this pill may result in internal bleeding, kidney failure, brain damage, heart attack, stroke, tightening of the arteries, and sudden death. But don't worry, you'll be happier!" So that's my reasoning behind not taking the pills - if they are not in fact helping you.
ok so from what iv read heres my reply
my eyes arent splitting at all, so thats nota problem.
the meds are just sleeping pills, im just gonna take them another week then stop. and the dosage is really small. My mom said she has taken them a few times before so its not that bad
and then the suppression stuff, I just saw prices so I cant afford that lol
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On August 03 2014 11:35 WikidSik wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2014 07:12 hp.Shell wrote:I feel for you. I don't have a shaking problem but I can understand the strabismus side of things. It sucks when you realize that it is probably a genetic defect present at birth (something in my brain), and then when you think about your crazy family - most families are pretty crazy, but in this context it presents itself as a genetic problem more than anything else, addictions, alcoholism, etc. etc.... Just a really rough way to go through life. Is it possible for you to try the Brock string? Lots of eye exercises on this site: http://www.wavtc.com/?page_id=1766^ Wow, that link took me a while to find. I had it saved on my computer. I also recommend saving the page (right click - save as - web page) in case the site ever goes down so you can be sure you have it later. Edit: Here also is a page with stuff to buy for anti-suppression activities. Haven't tried any of them yet. I'll probably go see a vision therapist first and see if they have anything to recommend. http://www.oepf.org/products/category/anti-suppression-activitiesEdit2: If the meds aren't helping, I suggest you stop taking them. I am increasingly wary of all chemical meds these days - just listen to the commercials. The side effects take longer to tell than the 10 seconds they have to sell the product. "Using this pill may result in internal bleeding, kidney failure, brain damage, heart attack, stroke, tightening of the arteries, and sudden death. But don't worry, you'll be happier!" So that's my reasoning behind not taking the pills - if they are not in fact helping you. the meds are just sleeping pills, im just gonna take them another week then stop. and the dosage is really small. My mom said she has taken them a few times before so its not that bad
Lorazepam is by no means "just a sleeping pill".
From wikipedia:
"Lorazepam (trademarked as Ativan or Orfidal) is a high-potency, intermediate-duration, 3-hydroxy benzodiazepine drug, often used to treat anxiety disorders. Lorazepam has all six intrinsic benzodiazepine effects: anxiolysis, anterograde amnesia, sedation/hypnosis, anti-seizure, antiemesis (anti-nausea/vomiting) and muscle relaxation."
Just a few of those little fuckers and a moderate amount of alcohol made me have a complete black-out for about 6 hours. The next day I woke up on the floor and had my roommate tell me how I've been running against doors, trying to jump out of the window and talking gibberish for hours...
Not to mention that lorazepam is quite addictive and withdrawal symptoms can occur even after short-term usage...
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EPT
