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On losing

Blogs > shostakovich
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
shostakovich
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
Brazil1429 Posts
July 20 2014 23:55 GMT
#1
[image loading]
Image taken from the official Dota 2 Twitter.

Losing hurts, much more than anyone can imagine.

And the pain begins while still inside the game, right after the "gg".

While we're leaving the PCs, it seems that life refuses to go on.

Despite the movement around us, there's something like a instant blockade on memory and perception. I can't see or remember anything but memories of the game we just lost. Right now, I feel like a rag.

I wash my face to, hopefully, remove the installed unpleasantness, but the cold water doesn't produce meaningful transformations.

Slowly, silences becomes supreme.

I remember past events of extreme happiness and joy, but the contrast worsens even more my humor.

I reflect about the incongruences that the everyday offer us with uncomfortable frequency. Insane and obsessed evaluations. In one day we're Olympian Gods and Eros is always on our side. But on the next day we've become evil and disposable.

It's a strange invasion that provoke, hurts and kill us every second.

As I go home, I try to forget the recent facts. It's impossible.

That gank we tried could've been executed differently. It would leave us in a great position in the game. But I sigh: It's impossible to change what's already done.

I return to reality. I'm in my home, finally in home.

My home is supposed to protect me. I look for company and find nothing. Solitude is probably the only company I have right now. I crash on the sofa and drink something that will enwrap and return be the bliss of ignorance. The liquid goes down my throat painfully, with no other effect.

That draft. If we had adjusted our draft differently, we would have more chances. Maybe we could've avoided the loss. And I would not be like this.

Sweet dreams.

I try to find a music to calm me down, but all it does is to make me even more sad.

That play on the early game was perfect, but the enemy escaped with almost no life. He should have died there, and we would've gained a massive advantage that would secure us the mid game.

I'm devastated. Even with all the effort, committing myself until the ultimate consequences, I feel like a void. It's as if someone had stolen me my consciousness. I can't articulate even one logical reasoning. A cerebral void has installed itself in an absolute way.

I try to read a book but I can't reach it's ideas. Nothing can reach me.

I decide to try sleeping. Slowly I move to the bed. I lay down. I close my eyes, but the images don't move away even for a single second. They corrode me from inside. I see, as if it was happening right now, that fateful team fight that happened when the game was still undecided. Our reading is clear, our initiation is precise and we manage to get a solid in. But, at that very moment, a deafening sound of the telephone ringing wakes me up.

I try to recover the team fight that stayed on the broken dreams, but it never existed. Only in my crazy desire to modify what happened.

I try to sleep once again. It's impossible.

This will be one infinite night of defeat. Until the next victory.
Apom
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
France655 Posts
July 21 2014 00:32 GMT
#2
Worthy of five stars, sir.
slop
Profile Joined March 2012
United States7 Posts
July 21 2014 00:32 GMT
#3
Sweet dreams
╔══════╗ ╚══════════════════╝
IcED Bk
Profile Joined December 2012
Canada245 Posts
July 21 2014 00:38 GMT
#4
5* This was well written, really describes the mental and emotional feelings when you work so hard for something. GG
Advanced Dota 2 player and HoTs Diamond player and HS Player (almost legend ;P)
KaiserJohan
Profile Joined May 2010
Sweden1808 Posts
July 21 2014 00:41 GMT
#5
I feel for them.

PS. Shostakovich eh?
+ Show Spoiler +
England will fight to the last American
Gako
Profile Joined July 2011
Canada22 Posts
July 21 2014 01:10 GMT
#6
Aww I didn't get a million dollars for playing the game I love. Aww my life is so hard. Aww Aww Aww.

User was warned for this post
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-07-21 01:16:02
July 21 2014 01:15 GMT
#7
edit.
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Oddball28
Profile Joined May 2013
Denmark2121 Posts
July 21 2014 01:15 GMT
#8
Thank you for writing this. Beautiful. Reading this... thinking about LaNm... literally in tears.
LaNm, Iceiceice, Mushi, BurNIng and MMY - DK 2013/2014 - What a ride it was...
gulati
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States2241 Posts
July 21 2014 01:21 GMT
#9
one man's pain is the next man's pleasure.

tears of defeat translate to tears of victory. press onward, or fall & bleed with the rest.
C r u m b l i n g
Alaster
Profile Joined April 2013
Bulgaria31 Posts
July 21 2014 01:35 GMT
#10
RoTk giving the last hope.
If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then that person is a piece of shit.
brachester
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Australia1786 Posts
July 21 2014 01:36 GMT
#11
Performance wise, ti4 was largely underwhelming for DK. But considering the history, contribution of the players in the scene and the talents they have, they're the one deserve to win the most. It's really unfortunate for LaNm (maybe Burning and possibly MMY) as this is their last tournament
I hate all this singing
SpiZe
Profile Joined December 2010
Canada3640 Posts
July 21 2014 01:38 GMT
#12
On July 21 2014 08:55 shostakovich wrote:
This will be one infinite night of defeat. Until the next victory.


But for Lanm, there will be no next victory
Oakenshield
Profile Joined January 2013
United States347 Posts
July 21 2014 01:42 GMT
#13
Did a player from TI4 write this? It reads more like a Google translated fan-fiction.
Hexo_
Profile Joined May 2014
Croatia59 Posts
July 21 2014 01:45 GMT
#14
Easily the gayest shit I've read this year.

It's so arrogant to be ungrateful on 4th place. It's not enough, DK is "entitled" for the #1, they "deserve" it. If they didn't expect to get to the main event, this would have been a great success. No, instead they have to slit their wrists for losing, after reading this shit and donating their money to Save The Children foundation.

Losing is beautiful, if we substract the money and emotions, all that's left is strategy and losing reveals us the flaws in our strategy. You can learn a book from a loss, but only a paragraph from a win. That is, if you don't want to kill yourself after reading what OP had to say about losing.
top kek ... >implying
teddyoojo
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
Germany22369 Posts
July 21 2014 01:51 GMT
#15
On July 21 2014 10:45 Hexo_ wrote:
Easily the gayest shit I've read this year.

It's so arrogant to be ungrateful on 4th place. It's not enough, DK is "entitled" for the #1, they "deserve" it. If they didn't expect to get to the main event, this would have been a great success. No, instead they have to slit their wrists for losing, after reading this shit and donating their money to Save The Children foundation.

Losing is beautiful, if we substract the money and emotions, all that's left is strategy and losing reveals us the flaws in our strategy. You can learn a book from a loss, but only a paragraph from a win. That is, if you don't want to kill yourself after reading what OP had to say about losing.

u clearly were never good at anything ever
Esports historian since 2000. Creator of 'The Universe' and 'The best scrambled Eggs 2013'. Host of 'Star Wars Marathon 2015'. Thinker of 'teddyoojo's Thoughts'. Earths and Moons leading CS:GO expert. Lord of the Rings.
shostakovich
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
Brazil1429 Posts
July 21 2014 02:02 GMT
#16
Just to make it clear for everyone, this post is about losing, not DK losing. It could be any picture there.
Hexo_
Profile Joined May 2014
Croatia59 Posts
July 21 2014 02:26 GMT
#17
On July 21 2014 10:51 teddyoojo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 21 2014 10:45 Hexo_ wrote:
Easily the gayest shit I've read this year.

It's so arrogant to be ungrateful on 4th place. It's not enough, DK is "entitled" for the #1, they "deserve" it. If they didn't expect to get to the main event, this would have been a great success. No, instead they have to slit their wrists for losing, after reading this shit and donating their money to Save The Children foundation.

Losing is beautiful, if we substract the money and emotions, all that's left is strategy and losing reveals us the flaws in our strategy. You can learn a book from a loss, but only a paragraph from a win. That is, if you don't want to kill yourself after reading what OP had to say about losing.

u clearly were never good at anything ever


So Mr. Psychoanalyst, by your logic I'd have to be really fucked up every time I lose or I'm not good enough? Maybe I was good, maybe, just maybe I had an injury that made all my hours worth shit. I'd say that's a pretty fucking big loss, beaten by life itself. Did I end up writing poetry? Nope, I educated myself about sports psychology long before my time to forcefully retire came. I had an issue dealing with playing bad, not necessarily losing. I acted upon it and I fixed it. Simple.
top kek ... >implying
shostakovich
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
Brazil1429 Posts
July 21 2014 03:11 GMT
#18
On July 21 2014 11:26 Hexo_ wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 21 2014 10:51 teddyoojo wrote:
On July 21 2014 10:45 Hexo_ wrote:
Easily the gayest shit I've read this year.

It's so arrogant to be ungrateful on 4th place. It's not enough, DK is "entitled" for the #1, they "deserve" it. If they didn't expect to get to the main event, this would have been a great success. No, instead they have to slit their wrists for losing, after reading this shit and donating their money to Save The Children foundation.

Losing is beautiful, if we substract the money and emotions, all that's left is strategy and losing reveals us the flaws in our strategy. You can learn a book from a loss, but only a paragraph from a win. That is, if you don't want to kill yourself after reading what OP had to say about losing.

u clearly were never good at anything ever


So Mr. Psychoanalyst, by your logic I'd have to be really fucked up every time I lose or I'm not good enough? Maybe I was good, maybe, just maybe I had an injury that made all my hours worth shit. I'd say that's a pretty fucking big loss, beaten by life itself. Did I end up writing poetry? Nope, I educated myself about sports psychology long before my time to forcefully retire came. I had an issue dealing with playing bad, not necessarily losing. I acted upon it and I fixed it. Simple.

No one is telling you how to feel after losing, dude.

Losing is indeed beautiful, but it doesn't mean it's not painful.
synapse
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
China13814 Posts
July 21 2014 03:27 GMT
#19
rOtK inherits the will of Burning
:)
Nightlark
Profile Joined June 2014
United States55 Posts
July 21 2014 04:07 GMT
#20
On July 21 2014 10:45 Hexo_ wrote:
Easily the gayest shit I've read this year.

It's so arrogant to be ungrateful on 4th place. It's not enough, DK is "entitled" for the #1, they "deserve" it. If they didn't expect to get to the main event, this would have been a great success. No, instead they have to slit their wrists for losing, after reading this shit and donating their money to Save The Children foundation.

Losing is beautiful, if we substract the money and emotions, all that's left is strategy and losing reveals us the flaws in our strategy. You can learn a book from a loss, but only a paragraph from a win. That is, if you don't want to kill yourself after reading what OP had to say about losing.


I don't think "ungrateful" is the right word here. This iteration of DK was created to pursue to dream of getting first at TI, and they had to skill to do so. They knew that, knew that they could take the Aegis, but in the end, they fell short.

They're disappointed.

It's what they've worked so hard for over the past year, and for two of the players (maybe more, MMY might also consider leaving), this TI would be the last DotA tournament they'd play in their lives. Yes, losing exposes flaws. It can teach us. But it doesn't mean that it can't hurt, that it can't wound you so deeply that it'll always haunt you.
心中,眼中,梦中的冠军 - DK.BurNing | DK.Mushi | DK.iceiceice | DK.LaNm | DK.MMY
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