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The worst possible situation imaginable. I'm not going to provide much of a back-story just the simple cold-hearted facts.
I went out to a club this weekend, with the aim of getting closer to a certain girl I was interested in.
Unfortunately I got quite drunk and can barely remember much apart from dancing like a maniac and drinking these cheap alcopops, some beer, and some random shots of tequila and vodka.
Anyway I managed to be invited to her flat. Problem was, she had a couple of flat-mates. So naturally, I started talking to them, you know, to show how nice I am, with the hope that they would get bored and fuck off and I end up with the girl on my own.
Well, after just a bit of chatting (not sure exactly how long) I felt really, really ill. The whole room started spinning, I got a terrible stomach ache and felt I really had to go to the toilet not only for vomiting but also for taking a shit. It was a horrendous feeling. I think I got messed up by the dumb taxi driver who was taking the curves like a madman and making me really dizzy.
So I asked where the toilet was and made a run for it.
And here is where disaster occurred.
As I pulled my trousers down (pants) diarrhea sprayed all over the toilet bowl, inside and on the plastic. At the same time I felt this pressure in my chest and vomit started spewing. I tried to hang on for dear life. Thankfully the sink was really close to the toilet so I stretched out and vomited in the sink while spraying diarrhea all over the toilet and floor.
But the agony of vomiting made me also pee (probably all those beers). At this point I didn't give a shit. I was in such a state I just peed all over the floor.
And then she walked in as I didn't even close or lock the door.
I'll leave you with what she saw:
http://imgur.com/iBE3S8U
After cleaning up, I was in too much a state (or so I heard) that they called a taxi for me and sent me home.
She didn't call me on Sunday or today. Regards.
 
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That photo made me laugh so hard, I'm sorry to hear that tho so like best of luck in the future.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
And this is why you learn exactly how much to drink and have the discipline never to go over the limit
also I'm glad I didn't read this before lunch
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Well, I think we learned a valuable lesson that night didn't we?
1. A club is a shit place to get to know anyone. (No pun intended).
2. Drunkenly engaging roommates does not sexual success make.
3. Mind rates of consumption if your goal lies beyond a hookup.
That being said, I am sorry for the state of things because as far as mornings after goes, I have had some rough ones.
+ Show Spoiler +
Time heals all wounds, plumbing may be a different story. Make sure you at least apologize, if nothing else. I know a married couple whose first night together involved her pissing the bed and vomiting in a frisbee. Can't let abject shame get in the way of social respect. Offer to clean it up as well.
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Probably why you don't ever want to drink more than whoever you're going after.
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On June 03 2014 11:40 docvoc wrote:
Probably why you don't ever want to drink more than whoever you're going after.
That doesn't sound predatory at all XD
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Think of it as a mental handicap. Wait..that didn't come out right..
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5 stars for the painting, would click again
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have you tried to call her? Just play it like it wasn't a big deal and ask her somewhere to "make her up" for it.
Also, I've vomitted and pass out tons of times, but I've never evacuated 2 way/3way. That's a story for your grand kids :D
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Looks like you had an unfortunate evening, sir.
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LOL opened the flood gates. Puking, pissing and shitting at the same time?
The feeling of relief must be greater then during an orgasm + you got an epic story =D
win-win?
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I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time.
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On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time.
Ditto. Not only that, but I know I've read this EXACT story somewhere else on a different forum years ago. It's like the butt shaving one where the dude decides he's going to shave his ass only to realize his butt cheeks get stuck together now because he doesn't have any hair to prevent the sweat from staying or some shit like that.
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Bro I feel for you...better luck in the future. What an experience though.
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konadora
Singapore66364 Posts
how is it possible to puke and shit and pee at the same time wtf lol
i swear i read this story somewhere tho
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this thread reminds me of this other story that i think was posted on the body building forum a long time ago. it involved a similar story except the guy shat in a bath tub because he had an erection and diahhrea at the same time. if this story sounds familiar to anyone can you post it?
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On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time.
Peeing and shitting simultaneously isn't hard and i've had first hand experience doing the puke shit combo. A trifecta's certainly possible
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Real or not that picture was hilarious.
Hahaha you even color coded the hot and cold water facets
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i like the picture, the eyes are great :D
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2nd Worst City in CA8938 Posts
Well if it makes you feel any better...
5/5 for a hilarious drinking story.
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Have the girl and her roommates leaked the story yet?
5/5 for mspaint
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Mspaint is always a winner. And I'll never get the stupidity of people drinking that far over their limit. You know that your body is constantly giving you clues of how much it can handle, right ?
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You can always be glad nobody recorded it... coming from experience.
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scarred for life
u should call around hers and do something nice for all the shit you put them through. Take them all out for food.
I mean seriously, how much worse can it get? I suppose you could shit the bed
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On June 03 2014 17:21 Monsen wrote:
Mspaint is always a winner. And I'll never get the stupidity of people drinking that far over their limit. You know that your body is constantly giving you clues of how much it can handle, right ?
You do realise alchohol dramatically affects judgement and the closer you get to your 'limit' the more likely you're going to slip up and exceed it? These clues you speak of are pretty delayed, especially if you're shotting after beers. You can go way over your limit and feel fine for a while then everything goes to shit.
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On June 03 2014 13:47 hoby2000 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time. Ditto. Not only that, but I know I've read this EXACT story somewhere else on a different forum years ago. It's like the butt shaving one where the dude decides he's going to shave his ass only to realize his butt cheeks get stuck together now because he doesn't have any hair to prevent the sweat from staying or some shit like that.
Yes this sounds familiar, I remember that story having him shit in the bathtub while he was over for dinner with her friends and the whole walking in on him thing. Obvious awkwardness and mess ensues. Some shit like that.
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Ah! A good 'ol Poo-chuck! I did this at my 18th (I'm 28 now) It's only rarely it is brought up, turns out I lived it down. But for some years after I would get referred to as poo-chuck, whenever there was any social drinking going on...
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what a story, I almost feel bad but this story is just to funny lol.
best of luck with her!
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Just own it and send her that mspaint photo in a text asking her out. haha
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This is why i prefer to stay sober when going to the club with the intent of sex. It is much easier to hit up chicks when you are clear of mind, and there is usually less vomit/diarrhea involved.
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On June 04 2014 00:22 a_flayer wrote:
This is why i prefer to stay sober when going to the club with the intent of sex. It is much easier to hit up chicks when you are clear of mind, and there is usually less vomit/diarrhea involved.
Maybe they're into poopsex?
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On June 03 2014 15:15 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time. Peeing and shitting simultaneously isn't hard and i've had first hand experience doing the puke shit combo. A trifecta's certainly possible
Yeah, after you've experienced two at the same time the 3rd doesnt really seem out of the realms of possibility.
It also sucks.
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On June 04 2014 00:46 Capped wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2014 15:15 Scarecrow wrote:On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time. Peeing and shitting simultaneously isn't hard and i've had first hand experience doing the puke shit combo. A trifecta's certainly possible Yeah, after you've experienced two at the same time the 3rd doesnt really seem out of the realms of possibility. It also sucks.
I fear I may be revealing too much about myself when I say this, but a girl at one point told me that when she sits down on a toilet, she just lets it all go since it all goes down the same way. It's not like men where we have to take a moment to make a concious decision between sitting down to poop or just standing and peeing. I wonder if all women have this "care-free" approach to their toilet habits.
I just know I will regret posting this.
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Has this ever happened to anyone smoking weed? hahah. alcohol ftw.
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On June 04 2014 01:30 a_flayer wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2014 00:46 Capped wrote:On June 03 2014 15:15 Scarecrow wrote:On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time. Peeing and shitting simultaneously isn't hard and i've had first hand experience doing the puke shit combo. A trifecta's certainly possible Yeah, after you've experienced two at the same time the 3rd doesnt really seem out of the realms of possibility. It also sucks. I fear I may be revealing too much about myself when I say this, but a girl at one point told me that when she sits down on a toilet, she just lets it all go since it all goes down the same way. It's not like men where we have to take a moment to make a concious decision between sitting down to poop or just standing and peeing. I wonder if all women have this "care-free" approach to their toilet habits. I just know I will regret posting this.
You're not revealing too much because everyone knows womens public bathrooms are the nightmare of the worlds.
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Netherlands6192 Posts
On June 04 2014 04:44 KissBlade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2014 01:30 a_flayer wrote:On June 04 2014 00:46 Capped wrote:On June 03 2014 15:15 Scarecrow wrote:On June 03 2014 13:27 Lokian wrote:
I call BS on this story. Nobody can pee, puke and shit at the same time. Peeing and shitting simultaneously isn't hard and i've had first hand experience doing the puke shit combo. A trifecta's certainly possible Yeah, after you've experienced two at the same time the 3rd doesnt really seem out of the realms of possibility. It also sucks. I fear I may be revealing too much about myself when I say this, but a girl at one point told me that when she sits down on a toilet, she just lets it all go since it all goes down the same way. It's not like men where we have to take a moment to make a concious decision between sitting down to poop or just standing and peeing. I wonder if all women have this "care-free" approach to their toilet habits. I just know I will regret posting this. You're not revealing too much because everyone knows womens public bathrooms are the nightmare of the worlds.
True story. I also don't get why plastic toilet seats get stolen and toilet rolls get thrown INTO the toilets in there.
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Hey, at least you'll have something hilarious to tell people in the future.
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also at least you didnt puke in her toilet and leave diarrhea over her floor.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/K46QDKR.jpg)
