Santa's Adventures on Christmas

NeuroticPsychosis

United States322 Posts

December 25 2013 07:38 GMT

Santa Claus was getting ready to deliver presents to children around the world. He consulted his watch. Almost time. As he was getting ready he wondered if he should tell his wife. Then he remembered she was out cold from all that sleep medication he slipped into her hot chocolate. He texted a random hottie he met a party a few weeks ago and they had a business meeting.

He then got his bag full of presents ready. He looked out the window and saw all the reindeer well behaving and standing in line prepared for the long mission. But Rudolph was being a lovable stud muffin.

After removing his beer goggles things were a little easier to see.

As they were ready for lift off, all of a sudden the abominable snowman came out to try and steal some presents but, he was too slow.

All he wanted was to show Santa his new Windows phone.

The sled with the reindeer had begun to fly.

One of the reindeers said they had to pee so he peed over Justin Bieber's house.

As Santa was entering chimneys in the process of trespassing personal property, he realized that all his credit cards had been hacked. Befuddled, the golly old man sat down on his laptop and tried sending them offensive messages on Twitter and Instagram.

Then they decided to go back to Justin Bieber's house.

As he was flying over Slovakia he went into a house where a woman was ready with milk and cookies. She licked his ears and then his candy cane. Then he decided to empty his sack and relax.

After that he he was feeling pretty macho so he went to the Middle East and resolved pease between the Jews and Arabs.

As a result of binge drinking during the night, he became intoxicated and suddenly found himself inside a train passed out.

Upon returning to the sled he realized he was running short on time to deliver the rest of the presents.

As they were rushing to finish the job, Santa received a video message from Kate Upton in glasses telling them that they were being targeted by missiles launched by North Korea and Somalian pirates.

But because he thought he was hallucinating, they finished giving presents and then Santa met with Putin and they laughed their asses off over stupid bullshit.

THE END