I'm really sorry to hear that, that's awful. I want to affirm something though, while this sucks, you are a good person it seems like. That's rare. I don't know you, and I can't understand your pain, but, from what you've written here, you seem like the kinda guy with at least a shot at happiness. First shot didn't work, shot number two will.

V3ndx

Peru42 Posts

December 25 2013 05:25 GMT

#25

I'm sorry to hear that, it sucks, though you may have chosen what it's best for your kid in this situation. Just let the time do its work, stay strong and go on!

QuanticHawk

United States32130 Posts

December 25 2013 06:17 GMT

#26

That sucks dude, sorry.

But you 100% should get a lawyer. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make it nasty. It just means they will see to it that you don't get bent over. Leaving the house when your partner cheated and won't even go to counseling is that. Depending where you live, leaving the house willingly can also dramatically change things. Her cheating can also drastically change who is at fault, depending on laws in your area..

Basically, this is all shit that you can't just google and do it on your own. A lawyer is only a pitbull if you let him off the leash. Until then, it's someone to make sure your interests are protected. I've watched a couple of people go down the exact same 'I don't wanna make it hard or nasty' route. They all got fucked hard in the end. Don't be silly. Drink up, and call a lawyer in the morning. Don't move out until you speak with one

Topin

Peru10108 Posts

December 25 2013 15:40 GMT

#27

fuck man

keep strong. just try to do the best for your kid. and do as hawk says, get a lawyer

MarlieChurphy

United States2065 Posts

December 27 2013 00:28 GMT

#28

On December 25 2013 08:05 LonelyIslands wrote:

Show nested quote +

This is true. I feel somewhat better about this. I made sure that it wasn't me. Maybe it's the alcohol, my only friend this xmas eve, or maybe its the truth. I feel better about this.

I Was looking through the comments to find this one. I wonder what makes it more ok for us. Is it just that leftover primal brain that wants us to make sure we have ownership of our seed providers to make sure it is our seed and no one elses? Or is because we don't feel our manhood is threatened because it is totally out of our control that she just doesn't like men (no blame on you).

Cowpieguy

United States97 Posts

December 27 2013 04:53 GMT

#29

I wanted to share something from a professional psychologist, named John Gray. You may have heard of the book he wrote called "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus." Well, he wrote several other books, one about how to deal with loss of a loved one, either through death or divorce or something like that. The part I want to share is where he talks about how to deal with the grief and eventually move on. He says there are four emotions we need to feel, and that we need to feel them many times over an extended period of time. These four emotions are:

1. Anger. John Gray says this could be anger at God if you believe in God for letting this happen, or at specific people, for example the person you are divorcing.
2. Sorrow. This is sorrow over not having the future happiness you expected to have with this relationship.
3. Sadness. Very similar to sorrow, but this is being sad when you think about the happy times you had in the past.
4. Fear. This is fear of never finding love again, of never being happy again, that your life is ruined and you will never get over this.

I wanted to share this because I think people tend to suppress these emotions. In this case, you said you want to handle it amicably, and that is good, but I would encourage you not to suppress anger when you feel it, and I'm sure you will. This doesn't mean that you have to do bad things to your former wife, but I would suggest finding ways to feel and experience that anger in order to purge it. If you suppress it, I think it will just make things worse.

I would suggest reading the book that these ideas are from. It is called: "Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One" by John Gray. You might be able to get it from the library.

I hope this helps a little bit.

FractalsOnFire

Australia1756 Posts

December 27 2013 06:20 GMT

#30

On December 25 2013 15:17 QuanticHawk wrote:
That sucks dude, sorry.

But you 100% should get a lawyer. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make it nasty. It just means they will see to it that you don't get bent over. Leaving the house when your partner cheated and won't even go to counseling is that. Depending where you live, leaving the house willingly can also dramatically change things. Her cheating can also drastically change who is at fault, depending on laws in your area..

Basically, this is all shit that you can't just google and do it on your own. A lawyer is only a pitbull if you let him off the leash. Until then, it's someone to make sure your interests are protected. I've watched a couple of people go down the exact same 'I don't wanna make it hard or nasty' route. They all got fucked hard in the end. Don't be silly. Drink up, and call a lawyer in the morning. Don't move out until you speak with one

This

And don't fucking move out jesus man.

QuanticHawk

United States32130 Posts

December 27 2013 07:43 GMT

#31

so what happened op??

icydergosu

528 Posts

December 27 2013 16:56 GMT

#32

How much did this venture cost you overall financially?

wchigo

China71 Posts

December 29 2013 17:49 GMT

#33

That's terrible and though it matters little, I would like to say how sorry I am to hear that you are going through such a shitty time in your life. I've had my own experience with a divorce (my parents got divorced when I was still a kid and I ended up having to help my mom take care of my younger sister... oh, and the fights they would have, it was pretty bad) and of course it's no good for anyone, but with your attitude and how well I would say you're handling it I'm sure your kid will be fine, even if he won't understand what's going on at first.

I would like to agree with all those who advised you to find a lawyer, if for nothing more than to protect yourself against any possible future litigation, and wish you all the best. You seem like a stand-up guy and I'm sure you'll be back on your feet in no time.

Bswhunter

Australia954 Posts

December 30 2013 12:26 GMT

#34

This is a fucking girl blog

LonelyIslands

Canada590 Posts

December 31 2013 23:01 GMT

#35

What happened? I took my kid and step-son for the week to my parents. We were both working and it was the best solution as they love having them visit anyway. I left Christmas day and I head back with them in the morning. I've commuted 2 hours to and from work from my parents during this time and tonight is my last night shift for this rotation. Almost all of my belongings are packed and I will be getting the key to my new place tomorrow on my way back into town. I will be moving all the little things with my car and the big things with a truck tomorrow.

A lot of people have said that I shouldn't move out, but financially I wouldn't have been able to keep the house myself. Her girlfriend and her will be able to, so I see not why it should leave the Childrens lives. I will be seeking out a lawyer for consultation and we will be going to mediation to get the custody agreement legalized. The holidays were exceptionally hard to deal with. I believe I have experienced those emotions like a roller coaster the last few weeks.

I did go on a date, and although it was soon, it felt good. At first it was weird because I couldn't stop thinking about my ex wife. She's a very nice girl though, very understanding and a lot different than my wife was. While my wife was very career orientated, this girl is very family orientated and I find it a breath of fresh air. I am taking things extremely slow and seeing how it pans out.

Things are very amicable between my wife and I, we are good friends and talk regularly. I think that everything is going well on this front. Sure we argue about things, but it works out in the end. I was pretty upset about having to get rid of my truck but the car has proven to be pretty fun to drive and a lot easier on gas, obviously.

QuanticHawk

United States32130 Posts

January 03 2014 03:37 GMT

#36

THe not leaving thing was not so much for losing your property as much as it was for potentially impacitng your custody. Moving out could, depending where you live, legally give the impression that you dont give a fuck.

Again, a reason for a lawyer. I dont know how this shit works where you are. I just know that it varies greatly depending on where you live and it's worth having an expert vs googling for yourself

Hope it goes well.