|
I have been dedicating at least 1 hour a day to do some reading. If you have read my prev entries I have been working on my game ( woman) so Im going to share some good articles I have come across. Today this one got my attention big time. I saw myself reflected in this post maybe 2 years ago. even tho I have changed this massively I still have some traits I must change, anyways, here it is:
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."
I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...
Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.
Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.
They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"
More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!
Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.
This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.
You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.
  
|
This whole entry is riddled with classifications and generalizations of genders.
Your conclusion makes more sense as its own thesis. You can't be in love with others if you don't love yourself. I don't know why you need the rest of the categorical and sometimes false stuff.
|
holy generalization batman
|
|
|
Lol you really shouldn't post something about nice guys not getting girls on TL.
|
Where is this coming from? Are you trying to crucifix your nice guy? Whatever you do yoi don't need a vasectomy
|
Netherlands6192 Posts
Interesting. Mostly because, despite generalizations, some of the self proclaimed 'nice guys' I know are at least 90% this. They are full of mini guilt trips and insecurities. Full of desire for that girl to be 100% interested and invested in them and no-one else. I don't know though, everyone has little quirks, no-one is completely free of insecurities and trust issues, and it has a lot to do with how they were treated by women in the past.
But then again I also know guys who are genuinely nice, who don't deserve to be treated badly. In those cases it is usually along the lines of 'he wasn't hard enough to catch and now I am bored'. People can be cruel.
|
Sounds more like an age issue and understanding of people rather than X type of guy always fails because of X expectation of women.
There will always be flaws in that rationale because its not accurate assumption of genders or the differences of. It's more of a summary of age and even then; it's very ageist of me to claim so.
|
'Nice guy' and 'friendzone' bother me. But I'll only talk about the former.
Being a nice person is like, bare minimum. I don't see why 'nice guys' (or sometimes even 'nice girls') are so coveted. Like, hey, you're a decent human being, congratulations! Maybe instead of 'stop being the nice guy', be more than just the nice guy?
Pro-tip: If the girl says 'you're a nice guy, but...' it probably means there wasn't anything about you that was attractive. You weren't funny, you weren't into the same stuff, you are actually ugly, you didn't 'click', etc etc. I don't know a single person who has actually broken up/not liked someone because they were 'too nice'. It just sounds dumb. It was always something else. But starting it off with 'you're a nice guy/gal' is better than 'you're ugly so no' or 'I discovered you are dreadfully boring so no''.
|
umm I don't hink age matter that's much after 25+, I find that woman psychology still the same. You either can entertain them and show them something different when hitting on them than the usual hi how are you whats ur name AFC stuff or you fail.
The more I experience with the subject, I find more that we can create attraction and we can build chemistry. Yes, sometimes that happens naturally, but a lot of guys aren't naturals, so you must practice to be able to build up interest, comfort, and what woman like to think of as "chemistry"
I want to say there is nothing wrong with being a nice human, to friends family etc, but that wont get you laid...or a hot girlfriend. I guess it boils down to priorities in each guy, I don't know about you, but I deff want to sleep with every girl that catches my attention and I think its hot. ( doesn't mean no standards, or fuck anything that walks, rather fuck whatever girl I find attracted too).
And yes, the article is very general, but I feel as some other poster above said, we all know or have seen a guy that acts exactly like this, you will see that guy who has a ton of hot girl-friends, but is always in the only friend zone, why? cus hes really nice to them and hes a confident and etc like the gay friend lol.
Not every nice guy fits 100% the description, like I said for example me, I still had one of those traits, I moved back to Colombia sometime ago and I live in a rural area where a lot of people are not poor but not rich. I happen to have a very good government job, and make decent money, but I had been trying to use my status and money on my game, often by paying girls for really expensive restaurants, or taking them to beach trips all paid by me ( when I wasn't even dating them yet just kinda going out) So it one of the things I have been working on of getting rid off and becoming more natural and not flash what I have type of deal
|
No.
Being a "nice guy", you have certain interests and preferences.
Then you meet this hot girl and she is only interested in "jerks" and she ignores you.
Nice guys finish last?
Nope, its just that that type of girl is focused on superficial stuff like appereances, muscles...whatever. So thats not your interest area at all, but the "jerks" are focused on that as well, running to tan saloons and gyms.
So naturally those two are interested in each other.
Stop wallowing in selfpity and focus on women that actually have something in common with you.
|
This is all 100% right lol
Anyone who claim this blog isn't at lieast 90% accurate is nice guy in denial tbh
|
You can still be a nice guy lol. I think there are 2 different ways you can recieve the title. Just do whatever you can, be as nice as you want just as long as you are secure with your self and your goals. Being the nice guy isnt the issue.
|
Word up OP.
I used to be a nice guy ( but secure) and I kept getting friendzoned.
Then I tried to go the other route and be a bit of a douche and suddenly I had much better success. "Forgetting" dates and keep talking about other girls and shit like that can get you pretty far which is sad
|
what? aren't we all somewhat superficial? especially man?
are you trying to tell me that you sit there and masturbate about a fat nerdy girl thinking " what a nice girl, very beautiful personality ohh man im going to cum" fuck no, as a guy you like hot chicks as well, ok they don't have to be super models with fake tits and big ass, but still hot girls.
|
I don't think you should generalize "nice guys" in a way that ALL "nice guys" are this way. I'm a very merciful, nice, and understanding guy but I'm not insecure. I'm also 24, and my fiance is 25, so your generalization is therefore invalid. This is a list for insecure guys, which again can not be condensed in a simple generalization. You make it sound like a woman causes a lot of a guy's low self-esteem, which is only partially true. It's not a woman's fault at all actually that you are so self-absorbed. A guy's self-confidence, self-esteem, and insecurity can vary on a host of things, ranging from childhood experiences, social life, and other aspects (parent-child relationships, drugs, eating/sleeping/exercising habits, etc). That's why there are tons of classes and years of schooling in counseling.
|
isn't saying something like "dont be a nice guy, hot girls dont like nice guys" inherently insecure?
|
Nice guy entitlement is a good way to spend your next hour of reading (joke). Also happened upon something called sloot entitlement and realized this nice guy vector is hilarious. As someone who used to believe in this crap as a teenager, I can tell you straight up:
It's mind poison. It's self-fulfilling prophecy.
|
I find it interesting that people are actually arguing this. WP, OP.
|
Netherlands6192 Posts
On November 16 2013 04:14 pellejohnson wrote:
Word up OP.
I used to be a nice guy ( but secure) and I kept getting friendzoned.
Then I tried to go the other route and be a bit of a douche and suddenly I had much better success. "Forgetting" dates and keep talking about other girls and shit like that can get you pretty far which is sad
Because it is a challenge of course.
|
Always amusing how people conflate "nice guy" with "wannabe playboy with a passive/awkward approach".
|
Nice guys finish last is a term thought up by people who see their romantic interest picked up by someone else and automatically assume the person is a jerk, he's probably not.
Anyway good luck being a jerk to people OP, let me know how that works out.
|
Again, people you are taking this out of context.
The topic is about "game" and the art of seduction. so the term nice guy applies to this subject only. Im not advocating to go be a jerk to your mom, brothers or family members or friends. Im talking specifically about behavior with woman you have interest in sleeping with/ dating/ etc only.
if you truly just want to be friends with a female, go for it be the nice guy , bff best buddy gay friend etc, but know that wont ever get you laid with said female.
and I speak for me mostly, but I think a lot of guys might agree with me , I don't want to just be friends with girls. the long friendships I have had with females, all started with me having somewhat sexual attraction to them, which either went somewhere, or it didn't but in the process the chick was really cool and became a woman bro friend, type of deal
|
On November 16 2013 08:04 mAKiTO wrote:
Again, people you are taking this out of context.
The topic is about "game" and the art of seduction. so the term nice guy applies to this subject only. Im not advocating to go be a jerk to your mom, brothers or family members or friends. Im talking specifically about behavior with woman you have interest in sleeping with/ dating/ etc only.
if you truly just want to be friends with a female, go for it be the nice guy , bff best buddy gay friend etc, but know that wont ever get you laid with said female.
and I speak for me mostly, but I think a lot of guys might agree with me , I don't want to just be friends with girls. the long friendships I have had with females, all started with me having somewhat sexual attraction to them, which either went somewhere, or it didn't but in the process the chick was really cool and became a woman bro friend, type of deal
You became sexually attracted to all the girls you've encountered in a friendship? That's why you don't have ANY lady friends? I understand, as a man, that our minds are sexual and that it's easy to fall into that way of thinking, but have some self-control dude... not every female you meet has to be more than a friend. It sounds like you try and chase every girl you allow in your friend circle.
|
well, mostly Im not really a type of person that goes out of his way to meet new friends. especially females( for just being friends wise). so yeah I guess kinda, Im not really interested in being friends with a chick that's not attracting, unless some different circumstance happens, like co workers where you deal with each other all day, or back in the day with university having to do team projects etc...
Most of the females I have met in the last 2 years, has been because I approached them with the intention of either dating, sleeping with her or something along those lines. not because I was like oh this chick probably has a good personality I would like to be friends with her
|
I just need to find me a jerk guy who will treat me like shit... but all the guys I keep meeting are just so damn nice, it's disappointing. Come on, grow some balls and call me the c-word or something. Make me pay for dinner. Smash a vase over my head. Lock me out of my own house in the cold as a practical joke. Go all Chris Brown on me if I talk to a guy other than yourself, but be sure to cheat on me at least once a week and say "If you were prettier, I wouldn't have to cheat."
That is all I truly want. Why is this so hard for men to get?
|
Netherlands6192 Posts
On November 16 2013 08:15 mAKiTO wrote:
well, mostly Im not really a type of person that goes out of his way to meet new friends. especially females( for just being friends wise). so yeah I guess kinda, Im not really interested in being friends with a chick that's not attracting, unless some different circumstance happens, like co workers where you deal with each other all day, or back in the day with university having to do team projects etc...
Most of the females I have met in the last 2 years, has been because I approached them with the intention of either dating, sleeping with her or something along those lines. not because I was like oh this chick probably has a good personality I would like to be friends with her
Your honesty is refreshing. I know people like you who wouldn't admit it.
|
On November 16 2013 08:16 ninazerg wrote:
I just need to find me a jerk guy who will treat me like shit... but all the guys I keep meeting are just so damn nice, it's disappointing. Come on, grow some balls and call me the c-word or something. Make me pay for dinner. Smash a vase over my head. Lock me out of my own house in the cold as a practical joke. Go all Chris Brown on me if I talk to a guy other than yourself, but be sure to cheat on me at least once a week and say "If you were prettier, I wouldn't have to cheat."
That is all I truly want. Why is this so hard for men to get?
Go burn in purgatory you dirty catholic!
|
Guys please help me I don't understand. Not every girl wants sleep with every guy so why should guys be less picky
|
haha its totally true. And being a "good person" or even a "good guy" is very different from a "nice guy". That's why OP called it "nice guy (tm)".
"Nice guys" are full of it. You can be a stand up kind of guy without abasing yourself, without putting someone on a pedestal. Why would anyone like/respect you if you don't like/respect yourself? If you do things like wait for the chick a half hour and she says sorry and you're like oh, don't worry about it, it REEKS of desperation and low self esteem. No one is saying throw a fit over things like that but a frown, a "girl, seriously? Uncool." shows you at least value your time and you're not afraid to show that you don't appreciate being disrespected like that. Just one example.
There's a lot of guys out there who are genuinely nice that I know who won't treat women like they're their overlords, and they have much better success with them.
|
The only guy I've ever met who I know for sure considers himself a nice guy that can't get girls because of douche-bags is an obese braggart (with no real accomplishments to brag about) who sucks at talking to girls.
To be honest OP I agree with you.
|
Does this really need to be clarified again? There are no new points here, nothing groundbreaking that's been brought to the table. If you've ever had trouble meeting/keeping women, and researched why, you have no doubt come across the "nice guy" tagline before.
Next time let's talk about what it means when a girl says, "I really like spending time with you".
|
Just to clarify, you're talking about the archetypical "nice guy" and not actual nice people, right?
|
On November 16 2013 10:10 Fumanchu wrote:
Does this really need to be clarified again? There are no new points here, nothing groundbreaking that's been brought to the table. If you've ever had trouble meeting/keeping women, and researched why, you have no doubt come across the "nice guy" tagline before.
Yeah, this blog feels like mixed copypasta of all those "'nice guy' is a euphemism for boring" rants that have been around for over a decade now.
|
OP was a painful read...
I'm a super nice guy and I haven't had any of the issues that are brought up in this thread. The idea that you should "stop being a nice guy" amuses me. Just be a douche, it ensures you'll catch a douchette.
Good work boi you da man.
|
OP was a painful read...
I'm a super nice guy and I haven't had any of the issues that are brought up in this thread. The idea that you should "stop being a nice guy" amuses me. Just be a douche, it ensures you'll catch a douchette. Good work boi you da man!
Don't stop being nice. You just need to be at least mildly interesting.
|
On November 16 2013 12:33 Djzapz wrote:
OP was a painful read...
I'm a super nice guy and I haven't had any of the issues that are brought up in this thread. The idea that you should "stop being a nice guy" amuses me. Just be a douche, it ensures you'll catch a douchette. Good work boi you da man!
Don't stop being nice. You just need to be at least mildly interesting.
The problem is one of communication, I think. A "nice guy," the phrase, has come to mean something other than a guy who has a pleasant disposition. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but the guys complaining about being too nice that can't find girls are the topic of discussion here, as far as I can tell.
|
On November 16 2013 12:58 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote +On November 16 2013 12:33 Djzapz wrote:
OP was a painful read...
I'm a super nice guy and I haven't had any of the issues that are brought up in this thread. The idea that you should "stop being a nice guy" amuses me. Just be a douche, it ensures you'll catch a douchette. Good work boi you da man!
Don't stop being nice. You just need to be at least mildly interesting. The problem is one of communication, I think. A "nice guy," the phrase, has come to mean something other than a guy who has a pleasant disposition. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but the guys complaining about being too nice that can't find girls are the topic of discussion here, as far as I can tell.
Very meta.
|
United States15275 Posts
On November 16 2013 12:33 Djzapz wrote:
OP was a painful read...
I'm a super nice guy and I haven't had any of the issues that are brought up in this thread. The idea that you should "stop being a nice guy" amuses me. Just be a douche, it ensures you'll catch a douchette. Good work boi you da man!
Don't stop being nice. You just need to be at least mildly interesting.
"Nice Guy" being the stereotype of a nice person who lacks self-confidence, initiative and personal guidelines. They cetainly exist but you can be a nice person and not have any of those traits.
|
haha this thread is so confusing -____-
Honestly I think the label for what you're describing should be something along the lines of a "loser" to avoid confusions.
On November 16 2013 08:16 ninazerg wrote:
I just need to find me a jerk guy who will treat me like shit... but all the guys I keep meeting are just so damn nice, it's disappointing. Come on, grow some balls and call me the c-word or something. Make me pay for dinner. Smash a vase over my head. Lock me out of my own house in the cold as a practical joke. Go all Chris Brown on me if I talk to a guy other than yourself, but be sure to cheat on me at least once a week and say "If you were prettier, I wouldn't have to cheat."
That is all I truly want. Why is this so hard for men to get?
and hilarious at the same time hahaha
On November 16 2013 14:17 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On November 16 2013 12:58 Chocolate wrote:On November 16 2013 12:33 Djzapz wrote:
OP was a painful read...
I'm a super nice guy and I haven't had any of the issues that are brought up in this thread. The idea that you should "stop being a nice guy" amuses me. Just be a douche, it ensures you'll catch a douchette. Good work boi you da man!
Don't stop being nice. You just need to be at least mildly interesting. The problem is one of communication, I think. A "nice guy," the phrase, has come to mean something other than a guy who has a pleasant disposition. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but the guys complaining about being too nice that can't find girls are the topic of discussion here, as far as I can tell. Very meta.
made me giggle
|
On November 16 2013 08:15 mAKiTO wrote:
well, mostly Im not really a type of person that goes out of his way to meet new friends. especially females( for just being friends wise). so yeah I guess kinda, Im not really interested in being friends with a chick that's not attracting, unless some different circumstance happens, like co workers where you deal with each other all day, or back in the day with university having to do team projects etc...
Most of the females I have met in the last 2 years, has been because I approached them with the intention of either dating, sleeping with her or something along those lines. not because I was like oh this chick probably has a good personality I would like to be friends with her
Step 1) Find good looking smart chick with cool personality.
Step 2) Become friends with her. (Why not?)
Step 3) Let her introduce you to all her similarly good looking smart friends with cool personalities.
Step 3) ???
Sure, instead you can also cold approach every single fucking day but that's like reinventing the wheel for no apparent reason. Build a social circle and use the value you created in it for every person you bring into it. The whole "go out and just approach women" is kinda cute when you start out (and useful when you see someone you really would like to meet) but besides that it's just amateurish to rely on long term.
|
And here was me thinking INSECURITY IS SEXY. Thanks for clearing that up.
|
Makito is pretty close to the mark imho, all the haters here are either offended (naturally) because you are talking about them, or they are just playing devil's advocate or whatever.
If you listen to this episode of loveline June 2nd 2003, at the 41st~ minute in there is a good call on the misconception of nice guys, or that nice guys have. http://www.lovelinetapes.com/shows/?id=1173&h=NDljYjgxNTE
Give it a listen, even if you think Makito is wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
