EPTI love life, i love to act like a little kitten and have been bullied most of my live. I don't intent to make this a blog just whining about stuff but instead just want to share MY life becouse that is something I haven't done before.
starcraft made me who I am today, In a way that it almost totally devoured me for the good of bad i don't know, for me it is even quite painful to think about how much it costed me. althou in a sense that is what life is about anyway. falling and standing up and repeating this for ifinity.
It is exetly quite hard for me to just write down and express who I really am on teamliquid somehow. I geuss becouse it just gives the illusion of becoming vulnerable to the thing that you tried to litterly force your self into since a little kid, this thing that your so desperate for to work becouse thats all that you have left. of your self, pride and fear come into play. for the glory that you might escape your own fear for some time. to then prove your self again to the endless masses who might have the same problem. that is my life, and it might not ever change, but that is the reality I am currently facing today and can do nothing but to accept that it is there now. The desparete struggle of changing it into something that is more like me is so long and started many years ago. but there is nothing i can do to escape it, the fear of one self is the enemy of each little warrior how big and strong he might seem.
if live was diffrent, would i be here? would i even exist to begin with, and what if all is just one giant matrix to amuse an enteral consciousness to escape the most feared eternal loneliness of just you.
I find it sad in which society has formed into today, of all the great evolution we gone through the only thing that remained of its origin is fear and the despiration to get out of it. I hope that one day this might change in my life, in the only thing i have but yet try to escape, the only thing that is loved but gets rejected becouse of it.
I can try hard to change it, but today i will stand still and watch, i will watch and see how the world around me unfolds. and maby that will lead me to stand here still for eternity for the thing that is beloved and feared. the thing that humans can't understand nor will find
but so is live for me, and i stand here, waiting for something to come, what i don't know but that doesn't matter, cuzz now i wait.
