Recently, mainly after talking with kupon3ss a few times, I've come to realise I am in fact a huge asshole, an enormous douchebag, and a complete dick. My behaviour is overly aggressive and bad mannered, especially with in game, and especially when I'm playing badly. By nature I'm an extremely competitive person, I try as hard as I can to excel at everything I do even if I know I can never be the best out of whoever I'm competing with.
It's especially in the TLIHs that my attitude downright sucks. I realise that I'm an extremely bad player, and while I don't mind ribbing for it from people I've known for a while, when random people who are new to TL that I've never even spoken to tell me I'm bad, I get very frustrated. Usually I don't insult them outright, but in the game itself I tilt extremely hard, and will ask my team to GG far too much. This is something I intend to fix. I make the experience unenjoyable for 9 other players just because I'm too on edge to ever relax and enjoy the game, which is completely against the purpose of TLIHs. I've met a lot of people who are extremely kind, caring and fun to be around in the Dota community and it would blow to alienate them just because I care too much about a random game with a skill level between some of the better players in America and me.
A second thing I've noticed about myself is that I try far too hard to be funny. I have been thinking about this a lot, and realised I'm extremely insecure. I worry that if I don't manage to constantly entertain the people who I've become friends with, they will drift away from me and find someone more interesting to be around. The easiest way for me to attempt to be funny is through Dota, as that is what I spend a lot of time doing. Sometimes my attempts to be funny get taken way too far, and end up screwing up the game for everyone else and making it a complete stomp in the other team's favour, which isn't fun for anyone. This is another thing I will change. I am just going to relax about 'online friendships' and just try to be a more chill person in general.
I'd like to thank kupo for pointing some of this stuff to me, as while at first I thought he was being unfairly harsh, I now see he was being truly fair.
I don't know what you're like in dota, but on the forums you are fine. It's actually quite hilarious the stuff you post due to your age. Please don't change on the forums at least.
Though I also had the same thought as tank above, I think it's mostly because I didn't really believe that.
I've said this about you before, but I think you're one of the most grounded and stable younger members of the community I've come across. You're growing up and you'll change too, it's good to be aware of things you feel you want to address. Just don't beat yourself up too much about it.
Well kollin I like playing with you, regardless mostly because I am even worse than you and also because I love your hilarious, painstakingly typed out comments.
Hello Kollin. I don't know you very well. I enjoy playing dota with you a lot. The way you describe yourself is not how I feel you are. I think you're a nice, funny guy. If you want to just chill out and have some fun playing dota then you're always welcome to play some dota with me. Sorry if there has ever been negative vibes when we've played, I think you're a cool dude.
Just try have fun and be positive, everything else will fall into place.
Don't worry so much and try not to think about what Torenhire posted! :D
Don't worry, you aren't as bad as several other people I remember from tlih, and you realized your problem and apologized. You're not nearly as bad as some of the others. Also Pm me some time, cause I need someone at me level to practice 1v1's with.
On October 12 2013 08:32 Jaaaaasper wrote: Yes and? + Show Spoiler +
Don't worry, you aren't as bad as several other people I remember from tlih, and you realized your problem and apologized. You're not nearly as bad as some of the others. Also Pm me some time, cause I need someone at me level to practice 1v1's with.
WELL jasp, looks like we meet again. You should play with me too :3 Just, I am worse than you. And pretty much anyone. Ever. In the history of DotA,
On October 12 2013 08:32 Jaaaaasper wrote: Yes and? + Show Spoiler +
Don't worry, you aren't as bad as several other people I remember from tlih, and you realized your problem and apologized. You're not nearly as bad as some of the others. Also Pm me some time, cause I need someone at me level to practice 1v1's with.
WELL jasp, looks like we meet again. You should play with me too :3 Just, I am worse than you. And pretty much anyone. Ever. In the history of DotA,
Nahh if you didn't have a full second delay on any server in the world I think you'd be okay. Gotta figure out the dota equivalent of a 6 pool, no micro needed.
This thread needs a Day9 talk about feelings and how feelings are okay to have.
Perspective is also nice, and recognizing that when tensions are high any criticism is amplified, but remembering how to relax and still have fun with a lost game is an important skill of DotA.
I mean, it's hard when you're a support and literally the only safe spots on the map are nestled between any set of rax, or following your carry like a dog on a leash... but that's when you grab a pile of smokes and play hide-and-go-seek with the enemy team :D
Wow you suck... oh wait, didn't we all think this way when we were 14? That doubt? That desperation to belong? That self-loathing, coupled with an ironic sprinkle of arrogance? W-- What's that? Just me then? Carry on.
A lot of people don't understand that blogging this stuff helps a lot with changing it. Even if the said above is not actually true, you can still work hard at not being those things, but remember someone will always think you're an asshole, and one of your friends is simply only going to find you funny at certain times.
Also, I always come to these life realizations when someone says something completely innocent or is just being an ass to me, but they end up speaking some truth I had known was always there, but could never admit.
Also, this:
On October 12 2013 08:07 thundertoss wrote: The real test is whether you become more or less of an asshole when you get better at dota.
On October 12 2013 08:32 Jaaaaasper wrote: Yes and? + Show Spoiler +
Don't worry, you aren't as bad as several other people I remember from tlih, and you realized your problem and apologized. You're not nearly as bad as some of the others. Also Pm me some time, cause I need someone at me level to practice 1v1's with.
WELL jasp, looks like we meet again. You should play with me too :3 Just, I am worse than you. And pretty much anyone. Ever. In the history of DotA,
On October 12 2013 11:21 shiroiusagi wrote: I don't think you're an asshole at all kollin you're just young. I think there are others who are worse than you.
Q __ Q
Hey kollin, as I'm pretty close to your age I can probably relate to you best. I know this is going to sound super-fagged out, but I understand how you're feeling. I think behaving like this is just one of the things that happens when we're as young as we are. The most important thing is to control how you react to being like this (that is if such behavior is out of your control), and how you think about your character. I think you're doing pretty well since you're doing some introspective thinking, as exemplified by this blog. It's all part of being a ~teen~, soon enough you'll find yourself a contrarian and a misanthrope! All cool though, just remember to take it easy and take a step back every so often in order to re-evaluate yourself You're a cool dude, youngbro.
contrary to azera, i dont think people closest to your age are those who are most easily rateable. you're easily better than most 20 year olds. that goes for posters in this thread. specifically mdj and lichter
I dont know you so i cant judge you, but there's the saying that realizing one's mistake is the step needed to changing it. If you are an asshole or not, trying to be nicer always makes playing for everyone more fun.
Besides: all of us have bad days where we rage and wish to throw sth at the enemy or more often at a teammate through the internet. Most of us dont play better when we rage. Every dota-player who isn't pro and is realistic knows he sucks. It's not just your age. But that's totally fine.
On October 12 2013 09:14 MountainDewJunkie wrote: Wow you suck... oh wait, didn't we all think this way when we were 14? That doubt? That desperation to belong? That self-loathing, coupled with an ironic sprinkle of arrogance? W-- What's that? Just me then? Carry on.
EPT
mostly because I am even worse than you and also because I love your hilarious, painstakingly typed out comments.
I think there are others who are worse than you.
