Unless I am completely occupied by something my mind ticks away, without stopping. At first it seems entertaining, a way to keep me occupied or a way to distract me from the world. However if you had a machine organize all of my thoughts into a negative or positive column, well more would be on the negative side. I don't know how to avoid this, or how to stop but one thing for certain is it is addicting, but at the same time destructive. Whether I think about myself and how to improve and get better, or I look at others and see what I can learn from them, in the end all of my positive mentality of getting better ultimately leads to my own demise.
The more I try to evaluate myself objectively, and remove the delusional barriers of myself the more I become unhappy. It is a terrifying process, and the more thinking that goes on, the more I get closer to the inevitable end of unhappiness. So the problem is over thinking, and keeping myself occupied by something that requires alot of focus usually clears all houghts. Examples include, socializing, starcraft, schoolwork etc. These things exhaust me however, and ofcourse just like any other person, I find myself on the internet lazing away without any real purpose. This process combined with my personality of what I percieve as "objective" analysis of myself is very destructive. It leads into a trap where I try to improve myself, at the expense of myself. Now I am not sure why this is, is it because there is too much stuff out there telling me what to do and who to be? I have gotten to the point where I don't care anymore, I just want to be me, I want to stop the never ending chatter in my mind. I want to believe in myself (my subconscious) and be at peace, so how do I achieve this?
judging by your handle, and the content of this post, you should stop making these posts and go out and enjoy the moment that is (assumed to be) your time in university.
taking the advice of internet randoms about what drugs may or may not help is also not the way to go. if you need that shit, go to a medical professional.
I actually had an anxiety attack while doing my physics homework yesterday because I was just over thinking everything so much that it took me like 2 hours to do a single problem and I just felt I couldn't do it by the end. It literally drove me to tears and I started screaming, hyperventilating, and shaking. Thankfully, I was at home so my parents came to aid me, however if I was at my dorm I don't know what I would have done.
I calmed down after a little while and finished the rest of my homework in like 5 minutes, which is because I stopped over thinking things, at least temporarily.
I was always the same way you described (overthinking things over and over again, expecting the impossible from myself), but at some point in my life i just stopped doing this. There was to much negativity and i needed a reset. However stopping thinking things through made me feel dull, so i started walking old paths again and am pretty happy with it so far.
I learned though that negativity often is more of a state of mind and less a status. We are thinking of ourselves as the main characters of our life, yet we lack the qualities of main characters in stories. Yet there is really nothing wrong with that but the expectations we have at ourself. One can easily spiral down when ignoring own strengths and the fact, that it could be way worse. E.g. I noticed that i had absolutely no reason to be unhappy at all, as there was really nothing that was extraordinary bad in my life. Sure i wasnt as popular as i would have liked to be, some of my family members died young, i had some difficulties with my parents etc. But that's what everybody goes through, I wasnt an orphan, i wasnt crippled or sick, i was not so poor that i had to put a lot of thinking in not starving or anything.
So currently i am pretty happy with my life. If i am down, i just need to remember myself how awesome studying is, how awesome my whole life is as a result, even if the courses are not always interesting and not every day is a sunny day. The amount of free time a student has is absurd.
On September 29 2013 10:08 biology]major wrote: Unless I am completely occupied by something my mind ticks away, without stopping. At first it seems entertaining, a way to keep me occupied or a way to distract me from the world. However if you had a machine organize all of my thoughts into a negative or positive column, well more would be on the negative side. I don't know how to avoid this, or how to stop but one thing for certain is it is addicting, but at the same time destructive. Whether I think about myself and how to improve and get better, or I look at others and see what I can learn from them, in the end all of my positive mentality of getting better ultimately leads to my own demise.
The more I try to evaluate myself objectively, and remove the delusional barriers of myself the more I become unhappy. It is a terrifying process, and the more thinking that goes on, the more I get closer to the inevitable end of unhappiness. So the problem is over thinking, and keeping myself occupied by something that requires alot of focus usually clears all houghts. Examples include, socializing, starcraft, schoolwork etc. These things exhaust me however, and ofcourse just like any other person, I find myself on the internet lazing away without any real purpose. This process combined with my personality of what I percieve as "objective" analysis of myself is very destructive. It leads into a trap where I try to improve myself, at the expense of myself. Now I am not sure why this is, is it because there is too much stuff out there telling me what to do and who to be? I have gotten to the point where I don't care anymore, I just want to be me, I want to stop the never ending chatter in my mind. I want to believe in myself (my subconscious) and be at peace, so how do I achieve this?
I have the same problem, the bad news is, there is no cure. It is a fundamental part of your personality, and it will never go away.
Your options are therefore limited. Either channel that energy into something useful/interesting or distract your subconscious mind. Alternatively medicate (obviously see a doctor/mental health specialist if you even consider this route).
Personally, I find working on something creative and of particular interest to you is the single best solution. It can be exhausting yes, but if you really enjoy what you are doing it's the good kind of exhaustion, the kind where you feel like you've spent alot of effort into something worthwhile, and that you could wake up after a good nights sleep and continue doing it because you love doing it that much.
Of course, this is unrealistic that you could be using ALL your time doing that, we do have lives to live after all, so it may be prudent to also find something that can distract you. For me that's classical music, specifically simple piano music (eg not concertos, just a solo piano piece). The key being that I listen to stuff I not only like, but am very familiar with, with other music I find myself subconsciously trying to isolate the melody, trying to find additional meaning behind the lyrics etc. With simple classical piano pieces they are familiar, there are no lyrics for me to analyse, and since I don't have to foggiest clue how to play piano, so not really much of anything there my subconscious can try and 'work out'.
Obviously, it's probably going to be something different for you that satisfies those criteria, but I find it helps to have something that can distract you, without the distraction itself being potentially exhausting, and is easily enough tuned out when you need to focus on doing something else. Basically something enjoy on a non-intellectual level.
I find having these coping mechanisms are crucially important, in dealing with what most people would consider an overractive mind. Admittedly, despite these mechanisms I still find that it is increasingly difficult to not let it get to me, but I am going through a frustrating period of my life, and anxiety disorders do run fairly heavily through one side of my family.
Hopefully merely having coping disorders will be enough for you. Otherwise, do not be afraid to seek the help of mental health professionals as sometimes this can a sign of OCD or anxiety spectrum disorders, which they may be better able to give you coping mechanisms/therapies for.
On September 29 2013 10:08 biology]major wrote: Unless I am completely occupied by something my mind ticks away, without stopping. At first it seems entertaining, a way to keep me occupied or a way to distract me from the world. However if you had a machine organize all of my thoughts into a negative or positive column, well more would be on the negative side. I don't know how to avoid this, or how to stop but one thing for certain is it is addicting, but at the same time destructive. Whether I think about myself and how to improve and get better, or I look at others and see what I can learn from them, in the end all of my positive mentality of getting better ultimately leads to my own demise.
The more I try to evaluate myself objectively, and remove the delusional barriers of myself the more I become unhappy. It is a terrifying process, and the more thinking that goes on, the more I get closer to the inevitable end of unhappiness. So the problem is over thinking, and keeping myself occupied by something that requires alot of focus usually clears all houghts. Examples include, socializing, starcraft, schoolwork etc. These things exhaust me however, and ofcourse just like any other person, I find myself on the internet lazing away without any real purpose. This process combined with my personality of what I percieve as "objective" analysis of myself is very destructive. It leads into a trap where I try to improve myself, at the expense of myself. Now I am not sure why this is, is it because there is too much stuff out there telling me what to do and who to be? I have gotten to the point where I don't care anymore, I just want to be me, I want to stop the never ending chatter in my mind. I want to believe in myself (my subconscious) and be at peace, so how do I achieve this?
I have the same problem, the bad news is, there is no cure. It is a fundamental part of your personality, and it will never go away.
Your options are therefore limited. Either channel that energy into something useful/interesting or distract your subconscious mind. Alternatively medicate (obviously see a doctor/mental health specialist if you even consider this route). .
Sorry my friend, but this is simply not true. Sure there are inherited factors, for example if your parents have OCD or anxiety disorder. When you are born and are a kid you inherently have the skill to completely relax and go with enjoyment. You can relearn this skill by meditation, it's pretty much the best thing out there i.m.o. that doesn't cost you money. When you grow up you start taking your thoughts and reflect them to your wellbeing, overall state and happiness, this skill is useless.
I've seen a research that people with severe anxiety managed to reduce it with meditation to almost completely absent, even to the point where they live a more fulfilling life than "normal people". The thing is that you will have to find your own way of meditation, and not let it take you down if it doesn't work the 5th time around, it's close to an art, which you can perfect.
The essential idea is that you keep focussing on your breath or you stomach until you find that your thoughts are no longer going to other subjects. And it pretty much happens all the time, if thoughts do wander, you notice and think: "Oh now I'm thinking about this, let's get back to the breath" or if you become anxious you think: "Oh, this is how it feels like to become anxious, let's get back to the breath". After a while you become the observer and can fully relax.
Sometimes I reach a state for the entire day in where meteors could be falling from the sky, but I'd be cool with it. At least that's how I'd describe it, that's what meditation ultimately does.
You should actually be careful you don't end up being depressed, kind of got that feeling from your writing that you are at risk if you don't find a more positive outlook.
On September 29 2013 12:35 itsjustatank wrote: taking the advice of internet randoms about what drugs may or may not help is also not the way to go. if you need that shit, go to a medical professional.
No, he should clearly be using LSD to clear his mind. (disclaimer: don't actually do this)
Your last few lines sum it up. You will chatter, sometimes. You will self improve sometimes. Sometimes you want to just be in the moment whether it be socializing or just browsing the internet forums.
You are you, you will believe in yourself. you're already doing it.
EPT
(disclaimer: don't actually do this)
