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Bommes
Germany1226 Posts
You´re 17, basically you have not lived yet and any sane person should feel a little depressed at that age. Things improve over time, go back and read this thread when you are 22 and laugh at it How would you define the verb living/lived in your sentence? Seems like a very odd statement. | ||
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Burrfoot
United States1176 Posts
Start OKcupiding that shit up! Or plenty of fish! Try Craigslist and get yourself a large girl. Always a good starting point! They'll do just about anything you're curious about. | ||
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Grend
1600 Posts
On July 21 2013 19:49 Bommes wrote: How would you define the verb living/lived in your sentence? Seems like a very odd statement. probably stems from my primary language where this would be a normal expression. | ||
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Bommes
Germany1226 Posts
On July 21 2013 20:03 Grend wrote: probably stems from my primary language where this would be a normal expression. Well it is an expression in my language as well, but it is an expression I don't understand and agree with (at least in this context) so I'd like some thoughts about it from someone who uses it, so maybe I can understand the expression better. Because for me there is no such thing as "not lived yet", you either live or you are dead. Periods in a life can feel sad or meaningless while while you go through them, but that doesn't mean that you aren't living or haven't experienced life yet, the experiences you have during sad or meaningless times can be just as important to you when you reached being "successful" (whatever that subjective term means for you) as the times that feel happy and meaningful while you go through them. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
Ideally, your next step is seeing a professional (aka psychologist) until you find someone you feel you can comfortably talk to. If possible feel free to bring a friend or anyone you can trust with what you just told us along. If, for whatever reasons, seeking a professional is not an option your best bet is http://www.reddit.com/r/depression , telling your story and asking those guys for suggestions for your next steps. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
You are in a rut. I can't tell if it's a small bit of depression or just a bad time right now in your life, but you should see a psychologist. Writing this was cathartic, talking will be even more so. Your parents will understand. You are going through a tough time, granted, and talking to a psychologist is immensely helpful. That is their job. They, and your college counselors will be there for you. It's worth it to talk to them. Along with that, the frequent doctor visits are a pain, but they aren't more afraid of malpractice than actually treating you. You are 17 and most likely have no experience/knowledge of the fields of medicine you are complaining about; furthermore, their foremost goal is to not do harm, which is to prevent further injury to you. Your view of these people is so selfish and cynical it seems to be mostly a continuation of the frustration you have with your life. With regards to college. I'm just gonna say this. I got fucked over in the process, and most kids do too. Where you get in is where you get in. If you get into a great college, congrats. If not, don't spend your time crying your eyes out like I did for a week. It's not worth it. College is a place to learn and a place that you have to make your own way in. Statistically, if you aren't an "oppressed minority (whatever the fuck that means)" your improvement in quality of life due to going to a highly ranked university or college is miniscule compared to a state school or a small liberal arts college. Life is looking up for you, if you just start to look up to it dude. Your cynicality is unwarranted in most cases. It's time you talked to a psychologist and began to treat the issues as they come. Also I don't want you to feel like I'm being aggressive with this. I just see a lot of unwarranted negativity here, a majority of which is easily fixed. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32097 Posts
chronic pain does blow, i had it in my back for a long time due to sports and lifting injuries that never healed properly. you just keep finding new drs if the ones youre seeing suck. i dont know any drs that would be afraid of malpractice for harmless tests, esp since that is why they pay out the nose in insurance... and for two things now, you have injury that cant be proven with tests... i'd go to a psychologist first and pretty much explain your entire blog to him. not a doctor or anything, but depression with chronic pain is common, and there is a lot of other things in there that sound like anxiety disorders and stuff. seeing a trained professional could only be good. if you have trouble pursuading your parents for some reason, copy and paste the op in a word doc and print so they can read but dont freak and start monitoring your online usage or something good luck On July 21 2013 15:27 travis wrote: Meaning is an abstract construct of our minds, and if you aren't happy it's a mental problem most likely brought about by an unskillful view of the world. Get better at dealing with life. op, travis is well known as an idiot around here, and youd do well to just ignore him | ||
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Release
United States4397 Posts
My parents won't take me to see anything that is not covered by insurance. So I have 1 doctor, and 1 dentist to see. (the orthodontist was completely out of pocket and hence extremely expensive). Psychologist, Physios, and any other health care professional is pretty much out of the question. They don't trust me anyways. I don't really care about Ivy league school or any of that shit, but my parents would disown me and send me into foster care if they thought that I stopped "trying" to get into a good school. My deadbeat volunteering labor is a part of this so I can't quit that. Also, in the past I have told them about being unhappy and wanting to kill myself and they told me to "stop making excuses and study harder." However, as much of assholes as my parents are, I think foster care would be worse. I don't even know how I would being just "going out" and doing something. I don't have a car or a license. No friend who are willing to drive me places. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32097 Posts
honestly, copy and paste the text from your op and print it. leave on the dinner table for your parents to read it. if theyre still being dumb fucks (and there is no two ways about it--being that nonchalant about your own kid saying they want to kill themselves is totally fucked) then come back here. there are def places you can find cheap therapists or consultation services who will know a hell of a lot more about navigating mental health services with your insurance or without it if necessary. theyll tell you for sure if you can get a certain amount through your health or if you have to go through other means. and they can guide you through that process as well | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
Focus on fixing chronic pain 1 thing at a time, then finding stuff you enjoy. You seem to be caught on the "mentality trap" that you can't change most stuff, while you actually do. You can change anything, you just need to measure the prize and decide wether is worth it or not (find How I found freedom in an unfree world) On what I actually know of: General doctors are TERRIBLE in dealing with injuries. They think a cast+anti inflamatory is the solution to everything and can't diagnose shit without equipment cause they never done sports or injured themselves. Post about your issue here http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=268891 and someone who actually knows his shit will be able to help you for free or at least point you toward someone who can. You are young, life is awesome. Just take control of it, 1 thing at a time. | ||
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malady
United States600 Posts
hang in there | ||
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MountainDewJunkie
United States10344 Posts
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On pain: I used to have some tooth pain but nothing too severe. Good dentists fixed that. In China and India there are dentists and doctors that cost a fraction of the cost here if you trust their diagnosis. My friend says weight lifting before age 18 is heavily frowned upon because people who do it tend to get pain. I can't help you much here though. Sleep I used to get insomnia but I slept on the bus and then more after getting home. This went on through high school and college. I got through it by masturbating before sleeping. It helped me a lot more than say warm milk. Showers also helped. These days swimming makes me tired too as does eating a lot of food but those aren't reliable ways to fall asleep at night. Now I don't have problems falling asleep. Probably because I sleep late lol. Education I got into a decent school and the loans are light compared to my friends that went to private schools. I think the people I've met are some of the smartest around and I doubt my life would've been much better had I gone to another big name school and paid more. I hate my school, but I doubt say MIT is better. In the end my choice of school made very little difference. Have you read Robert Frost's the Road Not Taken? Most people think it's about one big decision that someone made that has made a huge difference in his life when really he's just viewing the decision in a positive light to justify it to others and to himself. Deep down he knows the decision didn't matter much. Choosing schools may affect your life, but there's no way of knowing how they'll change it. And 1 year from now no one will care about your volunteer work or SATs or high school grades. Life Life got a lot better for me when I went to college. Not immediately, but I got away from my parents nagging, found great friends, and found a girl I liked. I didn't end up dating her but there have been other girls I've liked and I feel like I'm learning more about myself and what I want as I get older. My job is very boring. Almost like you've described expect my bosses don't breathe down my neck. I intend to look at startups to try to resolve this. The person to person interaction is what makes the job fun, but I hate working with 300lb neckbeards who "work" for 6 hours 3 days a week and get paid for full time. In high school I had many suicidal thoughts like yourself, and for the same reason couldn't follow through. You aren't alone. Many people (1/3 here) struggle with these feelings and I think they're something that every rational person will think about if even momentarily. | ||
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BrTarolg
United Kingdom3574 Posts
many people do this, and are very happy doing so This may or may not be the case for you, but in no way do the things you're currently feel have any bearing on whether you're a good or bad person who appreciates/doesn't appreciate the stuff and life around you So if some of the thoughts going through your head make you feel shitty and want to beat yourself up about it because you think they are bad thoughts... well they arn't! It's totally OK (and in some ways, normal, though not all ways) to feel the way you do in the situation you're in, and whils't they may be "bad" thoughts, this doesn't by any stretch mean you're a bad person. It's totally OK to have some bad thoughts (i have plenty, as to most people). Some are more bad than others (killing yourself for example), but MANY people have thought about killing themselves once or twice in their life (i have) and by no means does it mean that if you think about it then you can't be a happy person later on I hope the physical (and emotional side) gets better | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32097 Posts
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Release
United States4397 Posts
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Japhybaby
Canada301 Posts
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Shiori
3815 Posts
I'm not trying to be critical, by the way; I really do understand where you're coming from (I took several years off of university study for the exact reason you're describing) but you need to try to get yourself to remember that happiness is out there somewhere, and that it is possible that you will find it. It doesn't make any sense to assume you won't, because you can't really know until you've tried. Furthermore, I'd like to ask you what sort of reality you'd prefer; I think it's very therapeutic to think about such things. You state that you're demotivated because of the perception you have that life is basically school so you can work so you can work more so you can eventually die. Agreed: that certainly does sound terrible. But, supposing you were able to choose any life you wanted, what would you do instead? I think if you can answer that question, it'll be a lot easier for people to give you advice, since it'll be clear what things you are missing in your life/perceive will be missing from your future life. Also, go seek professional help from a real psychiatrist in tandem with a cognitive-behavioural counselor. No, drugs are not nearly as bad for you as the media makes them out to be; all modern anti-depressants are, generally speaking, completely harmless, and many of them have beneficial side-effects (lone of the ones I took prevented migraines, for instance). Finally, I'd like to ask if you've ever had a romantic relationship before, and whether it was serious/ended badly. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Just know that it really doesn't have to end badly; there is always a way to drastically change the prospects of one's life, and very often it doesn't require as much of an effort as you'd think. And, of course, I love you, because you remind me so much of myself. | ||
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