DreamHack Summer: Second coming of BabyToss

About

BabyToss:

28 years old High Masters Protoss from the Czech Republic, with no prior RTS experience. BabyToss has been around StarCraft since early 2011, however, real life issues prevented BabyToss from constant practice. Went from Bronze to High Masters in timeframe of one year. BabyToss suffers from general anxiety issues. StarCraft II was always more than a game for BabyToss, it's been pushing her and her wish to grow stronger, not only as a player, but also as a person, facing personal struggles. Currently plays for swedish team Awesome Gaming.

DreamHack Summer 2013 - Second coming of BabyToss

The Group

It's been close to a year since my last longer write-up, about the very same competition, DreamHack Summer. Who would've guessed I'd still be around? Well, for one, I knew I would be. StarCraft has this awesome pull for me, and I just can't have enough. The game surely did teach me a lot about myself and helped me to push myself further. Alas, here I am, sitting and pondering, how to put all these feelings, emotions and experiences into coherent text. It will probably turn into long wall of text again. Dear reader will hopefully forgive me.

The trip, Day 1

Unlike last year, I had to take a flight instead of travelling either by car or bus, one day before DreamHack official start. The explanation of this is very pragmatic - I didn't know the Groupstage draft until very late, and since the beginning of the tournament was scheduled at 10 am of 15th June and I didn't want to risk coming late, in case I'd arrive at the event the same day of it's start. Confession to be made - I get really sick during flights, so you can imagine my thrill of me having to take a flight. Of course, my body decided to screw me over and I wasn't able to sleep for more than three hours before my flight. Go BabyToss, you go!

At least all the formalities, such as check-in at the airport went smoothly, to my own personal relief. I was kind of worried I'd get lost, as this was basicly the first time I took a flight on my own, without my family; so you can imagine the tangled mess going on in my mind. Actually.. no, skip that, better for your own sanity. Had to change flights in Munich; waited approx one hour and half inbetween flights. All this waiting kind of drove me crazy, as I was both looking forward to arriving to DreamHack, as well as kinda anxious, with expectations.

Funny moment was, when I finally arrived to Gothenburg, I saw like, a good amount of StarCrafters at the airport too. A wild (Z)

TLO was sitting among a group as well. Guess what, he had the beard back. Gorgeous beard. I was kind of considering to at least say hi, but it took me a while to muster my strenght and overcome my shyness to do so. Introduced myself and all the jazz few moments later.

An hour later, I was already sitting on the bus to Jönköping. No denial in the fact I was already on the verge of exhaustion, due to lack of decent sleep from the previous night. Oh, and I was starving too, as I didn't want to eat anything until I was safe and sound back on the ground. Durp, flights. So I dozed off several times during my trip to Jönköping.

After I reached the beautiful city's destination, I had another quest ahead of me - finding the hotel I booked. Took me a while and some awkward diplomacy skills to find the right bus to take. But, my skill in Diplomacy has increased by whole 0.01% and is now 0.99%. GeeGee Wee Pee. Should mention I had literally a huge feast once I found the hotel and went out to buy some food. Swedish all you can eat Buffee was a breeze for me. Ate five small chicken legs and the amount of rice I put on my plate... well, yeah, I think you've got the idea.

After returning back to the hotel, I just took a long shower and hit the sack. Slept like a Baby that night, anxiety or not.

Day 2, The Event, meeting friends & The tournament

I was up early in the morning, and the good thing was, that this time I had a nice pickup right from the hotel. Thank you mister AOP. He took me right to the venue, which I was already a bit familiar with. Unlike last year, when I was getting lost on every corner. It actually felt good to be back in Sweden and only at this point it finally kicked in. The team manager literally took care of everything, including our enterance and all that stuff. To a person, who is shy around people, it was truly a blessing and I was really grateful for it. So, soon enough, one of my teammates, Moilanen, was getting ready for his own group play. Poor guy had barely time to take a breath since he was right of the bat. Unlike me, I knew I was playing very late. My feelings at that point were rather mixed. At one side, I was happy to have time to tend to some friends - like Pengwin from mYinsanity, who was actually one of first people I met. Me and him had always these funny exchanges on Twitter and well, I was looking forward to meeting him.

The biggest quest for the day was to actually survive the day until the time I was supposed to play my games. I kind of had no idea what to do with myself, my mind began wandering at dangerous thoughts and sadly, my anxiety wasn't helping either, as I was already trembling. Nothing worse than this thing. Couldn't tell my body to simply stop that. There were so many people and all that. It actually helped me to hang out with some people I was already familiar with. Pengwin, whom I already mentioned, later on, my friend QueenE arrived, along with Minneh. I have to say beforehand, that especially these three made my stay so much better. Can't repeat myself how much it helps to have a familiar soul around you, especially when you feel anxious, for whatever reason.

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The chair of death awaiting!

Both me and QueenE played at the same hour, so we both shared our own feelings. Funnily how it works, me and her are like lost twin sisters, as we are so similar, it's even funny to say. And cherry on the top, she plays Protoss as well; so we of course had to hate on every other race than our own. Yup. Fessing up. I am total StarCraft racist. In a good spirit though. (lol <3)

We hanged out, walked around, enjoyed some time at the Twitch Lounge too. BTW, huge bummer, no Martin the Masseur this year! Duh, huh! Nah, just kidding, these guys at Twitch lounge were incredible and it's awesome that DreamHack goes so far to try and make the enviroment for the players as nice as possible. Fastforwarding towards the tournament experience... now.

Nerding it up. But these fingers - so creepy!

My group consisted of (P)

ToD,

Snuffe and (Wiki)

Duggi. While I was aware of the first two names, Duggi absolutelly rang no bell to me. Although, to be fair, I am sure he felt the same way about me, so no biggie! I don't even have to say how much nerves I had at that point, when I was setting up my computer in the tournament area. Trembling, sweating, my stomach doing really weird things. At the top of all, when I finally was all set up, I realized my first game was against ToD and it was going to be streamed by two casters at once. At that point, I kind of broke inside, as it was adding up to the pressure. Both I played my hardest game first, but it was also gonna be seen by people. The little self-confidence I had in myself disappeared faster than Probes in your mineral line hit by a good Hellbat harrass. Me and QueenE wished each other good luck. We had tough games ahead of us, as QueenE was facing Evil (Z)

Stephano himself. I also have to mention how much nice & down-to-Earth guy (P)

StarDust is, as he came by my side, trying to help me regain my composure, giving me advices. I mean, he didn't have to do it, but you know, he was absolutelly nice and in retrospect, it was truly heart-warming to see support from him, given that I was basicly some no-name newb.

First game vs (P)

ToD was on Neo Planet S. I was actually putting conscious effort into breathing deeply, and be extra careful with things. Doing the very standard Protoss opening, went to scout after the Gate - I managed to scout an early expo by ToD. Here I was decided to try and go for 3 gate push, with further plan of expanding behind it. Sadly, this is where my indecisivness hit. I lost my Probe, didn't have a Proxy Pylon up, was walking back and forth with my Mama, Stalker and Zealot. By time I decided to actually go for it, it was kind of late, I realized it and lost my composure, losing my Mama during the process. Quickly trying to warp-in, I still decided to take a risk and take an expansion. One could only hope for a happy-end, when ToD would totally not come and nail me for this step in particular. As you might've already predicted, ToD indeed did come and there was very little I could do. GG followed soon enough.

No need to say that I felt terrible, but I knew I had to move on, as it'd be rude to keep people waiting. Sadly, because of the first game, my mindset was even further broken, and the moment I scouted ToD's base, I kind of panicked. In all honesty, I've never ever encountered the thing he did vs me, and it was just making things even worse. I knew something weird was coming, so I stopped Probing for a bit and rushed to get 2nd Gate pretty soon, getting out my first units. Admittedly, like I said, ToD caught me without pants with this opening, I've honestly never seen it on the ladder - and I don't play chums anymore, so I was a bit wondering about that. The second game ended up too quickly, when I lost crucial units yet again, not to mention my Mineral line being raped too.

BabyToss vs ToD, Game 1

I won't lie. I crumbled my face into my hands, as in all honesty, I just couldn't stop the tears coming down. All I could feel was self-blame and the fact that despite of all the practice and being not so bad on the ladder (I am high Masters, facing GM's there and there), I did so poorly in that game. Wish I wasn't as emotional person, but it kind of comes with the love I have for the game. It matters to me how I do, and if I fail to perform well, I just find it difficult to deal with it.

Of course, in retrospect, I know that there's huge difference between playing at home, on completelly anonymous ladder and between playing at the event like DreamHack. It further underlines the huge amount of respect I have for all these top players - it requires truly strong mind to be able to cope with all of this and if any of you are reading this, any advices how to reach such state of mind are welcome. Something I'd like to find in myself one day as well; to overcome this weakness of mine & be able to show good games. Funnily enough, after watching VoD's of these games, I felt bad, as the caster seemed to be so excited to cast my game vs ToD, and all I showed was a huge disappointment! But, I just need to try harder next time.

I won't go into long depths of my games with (Wiki)

Snuffe. As you can imagine, my first game put me on really bad tilt. My mind simply wasn't in the game anymore. I did try against Snuffe, but I was blank. Couldn't muster a decent gameplan even. Which is truly a shame. First game, I just GG'd out because I made so many mistakes (or so I thought) and I became frustrated with myself. Second game with Snuffe already faded into blur. Sorry man, wish I could've given you better games too.

The biggest sin I've committed at DreamHack was, when I actually totally threw the games vs (Wiki)

Duggi; I didn't even try to win. I knew I couldn't make my way out of the group anyways, and I was simply too occupied by all these thoughts. Again, in retrospect, I believe it was a huge mistake, as I should always, always, and always try to win. This however shows the huge gap between StarCraft II enthusiast like me and top players. They seem to always be in the right focus, much less prone to tilting. So, I feel I do owe an apology to Duggi as well, as he deserved better and full-effort games from me.

With these games, my participation in the tournament was concluded & I took my leave with QueenE and Minneh, both me and QueenE needing some time away from the venue, people and everything. I personally spent a lot of time thinking about the whole experience, had ups and downs, concluding, that I just have to keep trying, to strive towards the best efforts I can. Without it, I'd deny who I am, and why I love StarCraft so much. No one is defeated, everyone is just looking forward to playing better next time. That is a precious thought to hold onto.

Dreamhack - The overall experience

Just like last year, the venue was big. Of course, it was at the same location, Captain Obvious here! There was this downside of this year's organization though - the groups and map pool being released too late. Even the Competitor sign ups were opened late, so it was literally impossible to plan up ahead for the trip properly. Me and many other people planned to come from places a far, and I can say that I'd not come if I were to just spectate. I can do that from home. I was looking forward to more unique experiences, which Dreamhack can offer, in terms of competing.

I already mentioned it, but the Twitch Player Lounge was fantastic again. It was maybe a bit more crowded this time, compared to last year, but it was still a nice place where the players could get some respite and relax away from all the huge noisy, crowded madness out there in the venue. So, my kudos go both to Twitch & Dreamhack organizers, for going extra steps to make the enviroment for players even more enjoyable.

Tournament admins were nice and knowledgeable again. Maybe one thing to point out is, that perhaps there should be no "mandatory" delays in between the games. Ie, both me and Duggi were ready to play our games, but we were told to wait 10 minutes. I personally do not think that it is necessary, if both players agree to be ready to go, especially if their games were not streamed. I can understand the wait if the games are streamed, though.

Tournament area didn't disappoint either. Spacey tables. Maybe think of getting some chairs for midgets though. I had to have two chairs piled up to be able to play at decent height. (lol)

Loved watching the StarCraft finals. The atmosphere was simply incredible and I can't describe the awesome nerdchills I've got. Also, as proper Protoss racits, I was truly happy for having a Protoss champion. That, and StarDust is such nice, humble guy too. Wish we had more players like that. Taking a pic with him & the DreamHack trophy was funny cherry at the top.

That trophy will hopefully be mine one day! - Photo by @Weiman

Epilogue

Dreamhack is truly awesome event. Always an unique experience for me, as a player. Also as a person, who is constantly facing the dreaded anxiety thing. All the StarCrafty feel. I just love going there. Despite of all the struggles, I always clearly remember why I love the game so much. The challenge and the community is what makes it so much appealing.

It was great meeting QueenE, Minneh and Pengwin - you guys were more than awesome, StarDust - thank you for being such a nice guy and cheering me up before my games, Nathanias - you rock some sock, mister; Zethian - next time we hand out more; Steisjo - same to you, sire; Curse from Quantic - and you; then last, but not least, my teammates, Especially big thanks to AOP and OneStep, they were a huge support for me. Also one hi to mister iNcontroL, who I met at the airport on my way back and I managed to say hi! I more than likely forgot a lot of people, but you guys know who you are.

To be continued in Dreamhack: Valencia... (?)

Some more photos

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