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"What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love."
- Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
I feel absolutely no love for any person I know. Now you might think I'd be all sad about that but I'm not. There was just graduation, and every person ended up crying except me when it came to saying goodbye to those one would not see any time soon. I just did not care enough about these people to actually feel love and that I would miss them.
I've started to think it could be because I've been reading much as of late, Dostoevsky, Proust, Patrick O'Brian and countless of other authors. When I read many of these books I felt great love for the authors and kinship to characters and moments they created.
But I've started to believe that friendships are so incredibly shallow, and to actually reach into a person deep enough to form any kind of bond, it seems impossible. And I walk around hoping no one notices that I care for them no more than any random stranger even tho I've known them for years.
Now I'm not depressed, it's just how can these people I meet even compare to the great minds of authors I'm reading? Any way, now I have to read hours every day to get through my week, and people around me get more boring by the day.
Maybe I should do some LSD
 
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On June 13 2013 19:42 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
[...] how can these people I meet even compare to the great minds of authors I'm reading?
How do you compare to them? Do you hate yourself? Doing LSD seems like the only right conclusion (what the fuck?).
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On June 13 2013 19:52 Passion wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2013 19:42 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
[...] how can these people I meet even compare to the great minds of authors I'm reading?
How do you compare to them? Do you hate yourself? Doing LSD seems like the only right conclusion (what the fuck?).
I don't hate myself, I'm pretty cynical of people tho and think there's something disgusting in all people. I compare them in how enjoyable it is to be in their company and how interesting they are, what drives them. It's hard to love people whom you find boring. Doing LSD could be a great idea, last time I did LSD I felt boundless love for mankind, let's just say it didn't last long.
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On June 13 2013 19:58 MarklarMarklarr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2013 19:52 Passion wrote:On June 13 2013 19:42 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
[...] how can these people I meet even compare to the great minds of authors I'm reading?
How do you compare to them? Do you hate yourself? Doing LSD seems like the only right conclusion (what the fuck?). I don't hate myself, I'm pretty cynical of people tho and think there's something disgusting in all people. I compare them in how enjoyable it is to be in their company and how interesting they are, what drives them. It's hard to love people whom you find boring. Doing LSD could be a great idea, last time I did LSD I felt boundless love for mankind, let's just say it didn't last long.
Which is why I figure doing LSD might not be the best idea.
For me, for one, I tend to especially love people I find boring and naive. Smart people tend to be complete untrustworthy assholes way more frequently.
What about your parents/siblings? Do you love them? The fact you don't give a crap about the little shitkickers at school isn't all that weird...
And finally, do you love yourself?
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I used to love naive people, outgoing, happy. Now I can't, I require a certain kind of presence, because I'd rather get a dog if I wanted naive outgoing and happy company. I barely have family and no I don't care that much for them. And note, I finished university studies and the people around me are mostly intelligent.
I'd like a plague to happen, maybe people would become more interesting and emotionally present then. People feel like they're slumbering and they really need to experience something big and traumatic to acquire presence.
And why would I love myself? What's the point of that?
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You should read some biographies of the famous authors you adore. A lot of times they were much more normal people than you realise, had their own failings and embarrassments, their own complicated and irritating lives. That in their most famous works they put the best side of themselves means only that they worked very hard on that particular piece. You will find a lot of people more intelligent than the surface suggests when you see where they put the best of themselves.
You're certainly not the only person who didn't cry during graduation. There's tonnes of bitter people who don't even bother to go because of the hassle of it. But if you really want to be dramatic, I guess you can go read Nietzsche and get super existential. Or try your own hand at creating something great, and see how well your daily persona compares to what your best work looks like.
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On June 13 2013 20:14 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
I used to love naive people, outgoing, happy. Now I can't, I require a certain kind of presence, because I'd rather get a dog if I wanted naive outgoing and happy company. I barely have family and no I don't care that much for them. And note, I finished university studies and the people around me are mostly intelligent.
I'd like a plague to happen, maybe people would become more interesting and emotionally present then. People feel like they're slumbering and they really need to experience something big and traumatic to acquire presence.
And why would I love myself? What's the point of that?
The problem might not be in the people being too boring, but in you demanding everyone to be fascinating and "emotionally present"
I'm sorry to say this but you seem somewhat fake from your posts, reading them makes me think that you want people around you to think that you think like this, when in reality you're much like everyone else.
But that's just usually the case, you can be different, I don't know.
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On June 13 2013 21:13 Chef wrote:
You should read some biographies of the famous authors you adore. A lot of times they were much more normal people than you realise, had their own failings and embarrassments, their own complicated and irritating lives. That in their most famous works they put the best side of themselves means only that they worked very hard on that particular piece. You will find a lot of people more intelligent than the surface suggests when you see where they put the best of themselves.
You're certainly not the only person who didn't cry during graduation. There's tonnes of bitter people who don't even bother to go because of the hassle of it. But if you really want to be dramatic, I guess you can go read Nietzsche and get super existential. Or try your own hand at creating something great, and see how well your daily persona compares to what your best work looks like.
Well I have read some Nietzsche, and I have read about the lives of authors I enjoy to spend my time with. I know they ain't perfect, I like their flaws. I enjoy people who can express themselves in a coherent and interesting way. It ain't common to run into that in life.
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On June 13 2013 22:51 AxUU wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2013 20:14 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
I used to love naive people, outgoing, happy. Now I can't, I require a certain kind of presence, because I'd rather get a dog if I wanted naive outgoing and happy company. I barely have family and no I don't care that much for them. And note, I finished university studies and the people around me are mostly intelligent.
I'd like a plague to happen, maybe people would become more interesting and emotionally present then. People feel like they're slumbering and they really need to experience something big and traumatic to acquire presence.
And why would I love myself? What's the point of that? The problem might not be in the people being too boring, but in you demanding everyone to be fascinating and "emotionally present" I'm sorry to say this but you seem somewhat fake from your posts, reading them makes me think that you want people around you to think that you think like this, when in reality you're much like everyone else. But that's just usually the case, you can be different, I don't know.
It ain't fake, I do have stints where I actually enjoy people around me. but then boredom creeps up and they become caricatures. One author even became a caricature, Hemingway. That guy tries way 2 hard in his novels and he becomes dull.
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On June 13 2013 23:00 MarklarMarklarr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2013 22:51 AxUU wrote:On June 13 2013 20:14 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
I used to love naive people, outgoing, happy. Now I can't, I require a certain kind of presence, because I'd rather get a dog if I wanted naive outgoing and happy company. I barely have family and no I don't care that much for them. And note, I finished university studies and the people around me are mostly intelligent.
I'd like a plague to happen, maybe people would become more interesting and emotionally present then. People feel like they're slumbering and they really need to experience something big and traumatic to acquire presence.
And why would I love myself? What's the point of that? The problem might not be in the people being too boring, but in you demanding everyone to be fascinating and "emotionally present" I'm sorry to say this but you seem somewhat fake from your posts, reading them makes me think that you want people around you to think that you think like this, when in reality you're much like everyone else. But that's just usually the case, you can be different, I don't know. It ain't fake, I do have stints where I actually enjoy people around me. but then boredom creeps up and they become caricatures. One author even became a caricature, Hemingway. That guy tries way 2 hard in his novels and he becomes dull.
It's weird though... why are your demands so high? To be honest, you don't make the impression of even being averagely intelligent... (Guess using "ain't" and "2" doesn't really help here though this might be misleading). Why do you judge people so harshly? Yes, it would be great if everyone whose company we share has fascinating tales to tell and can intrigue us with their ideas and theories. But how can you judge them without judging yourself equally? Do you hate spending time with yourself? Do you bore yourself? Do others love spending time with you? Or could this just be an excuse for your self-created isolation and loneliness? Do you tend to caricaturise yourself in human interaction? Might it be a failed attempt at proving your superiority, but once you notice in no way you are, you simply distance yourself from your company with the excuse that they're not worth it? But worth what? Have you invested anything at all?
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your not gonna find your answers about humanity reaidng Dostoevsky
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Everyone is interesting in some way. It's just a matter of perspective and having an open mind. Nothing wrong with not finding 'some' people interesting, because your interests don't overlap or you just don't 'click' - but if you find everyone around you boring, honestly the problem lies within you.
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I'm surprised no one else has asked this yet... That graduation you mentioned wasn't a high school graduation, was it? You'll find people you connect with eventually. Teenagers are notoriously shallow (and melodramatic), and I wouldn't expect to find any meaningful friendships there, just the potential to develop some later.
On June 13 2013 19:58 MarklarMarklarr wrote:
I compare them in how enjoyable it is to be in their company and how interesting they are, what drives them. It's hard to love people whom you find boring.
Are you enjoyable to be around and interesting? What drives you? You probably aren't as interesting as a Dostoevsky novel either. Hell, Dostoevsky probably wasn't as interesting as a Dostoevsky novel. So what?
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MAYBE I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND
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sounds like it. what about your friends? Do you find them boring too?
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If you're not depressed by the fact that you don't give a shit about others, then what's the problem? Some people just aren't made for socializing, nothing wrong with that. I'll take a good book over human company any day of the week. Do others think I'm weird? Yeah, probably. Do I care what they think? Nope.
Just go with the flow, do what you want. Life's too short to constantly cater to others' whims.
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Dont do LSD while ur unstable emotionnaly
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On June 13 2013 23:28 Ryalnos wrote:Relevant
Except when the introspective topics are brought up in conversation. Then look the other way, because no one is introspective then! 
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EPT
