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[Fiction] Across the realms (1)

Blogs > targ
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targ
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Malaysia445 Posts
April 29 2013 17:36 GMT
#1
There comes a moment in life where a man has to do what a man has to do, no matter how far he has to go to accomplish it. This is because he is a man, and being a man, he has to act in a manly manner. In case you think me a braggart, I shall relate to you my tale of valor and manliness, and you shall be the judge of my deportment.

It happened when I was at the tender age of nineteen. Our town of Verona was a fair and peaceful one, though foul monsters occasionally appeared from the jungle to attack our villagers, they were usually dispatched easily by our warriors and mages. All was well, well most of the time. Until that fateful day.

I remember its events as clearly as if they had just happened yesterday. In the morning I had breakfast with my teacher, the Mage Supreme of the Academy of Verona, and his daughter the lovely Selene, my bride-to-be.

"You two can get married in autumn," he said with a smile, and my love blushed. My heart was filled with happiness. Truly was felicity upon us.

Later in the afternoon, I was sparring with my friend in the training halls. Though his use of flame and hammer was strong, I managed to evade his fire enough to tie up his legs with coils of magic, and then it was not hard to disarm him. We laughed for awhile.

Then it happened.

We heard a mighty roar. Then the sky went dark, as if someone had drawn a velvet curtain across it; but the curtain was not of cloth. It was composed of monstrous dark wings.

A black dragon was flying above our academy, dark as night, large as a mountain. It's first stroke of flame cut down the right tower, along with a dozen guards still busy drawing their bows. As it reared back for the second blast, my teacher struck. A lance of white light flew out of his palm, connecting squarely with the dragon's chest, sending it reeling back.

"OH YES YES FUCK FUCK DIE" I heard my sparring partner shout as he ran out of the hall behind me. Then the next gout of flame came. I rolled outside just in time. When I turned back, he was a charred skeleton. I had no time for sadness, for the battle was upon me.

My teacher was standing under a large shield of light, protecting himself and several others. On the left, Orion, the strongest warrior of our academy, had drawn his magic sword. Unable to fly, he could not engage the beast, so he resorted to hurling a large stone at the dragon with his free hand. His immense strength flung the stone hard enough to dent the dragon's scales, which seemed to make it even more angry.

Then all our mages struck together, sending fire, ice and various assorted spells into the dragon. The dragon fought back fiercely, black fire decimated our ranks. I myself conjured up enchanted swords which flew at the dragon to cut it, yet our attacks could not seem to hurt it enough. Even my mighty teacher looked weary. A trickle of blood issued from the side of his mouth, and our hearts sank.

Yet in this hour of peril, Selene strode bravely forward, lifting a wooden staff with both hands. She shouted some verses in a strange language I could not comprehend, then the staff let out a single bolt of golden light which impaled the dragon.

Slowly, its eyes closed and it fell from the sky. Our warriors charged forward and many spears descended. As it's blood covered the ground, Selene herself glowed golden like a goddess. Her feet left the soil. She was floating.

The next moment, she floated up into the sky amidst golden light. Her mouth opened as she looked at me. Before she could say anything, she vanished into the sky.

It was as if Heaven above had swallowed her.



http://billyfoong.blogspot.com/ my other opinions are here
ieatkids5
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
United States4628 Posts
April 29 2013 17:54 GMT
#2
i'm not sure if you're looking for constructive criticism, but i'll assume you are since you posted it here.

it's -> its
it's = it is
its = possessive (its blood, its hands, its idea)

also, the line ""OH YES YES FUCK FUCK DIE" I heard my sparring partner shout as he ran out of the hall behind me." sounds strangely out of place in your piece. not because it's in a fantasy setting, but because the rest of your narrative is written in a very different tone.

other than that, keep it up~
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