Dear friends, family, Liquidians, gamers, and citizens of Aiur,
It's time for me to say something that has been a long time coming. I am no longer going to consider myself a professional or semi-professional (or whatever the hell you want to call it) Starcraft player.
I put "retiring" in quotes for two reasons;
1) I don't plan to move completely away from the Starcraft scene. I still plan to be involved in any way I can, and I love Starcraft to death - I could never consider myself anything but a Starcraft gamer at heart. I still plan to write for TL, post on the forums, maybe cast the occasional online event if I get the chance, and be involved in any way I can. Also, I'll still play at a fairly high level, and I wouldn't rule out a return should the right motivation arise.
2) I don't really consider what I've done to have been a "career", so I guess I can't technically retire from it.
Anyway, this is something that I have long considered for months, and I'd just like to put my thoughts out there after a bout of midnight thoughtfulness and inspiration to write a bit. This blog is pretty much entirely gonna be about me, so if you're not interested in hearing what I have to say, well, probably not for you.
I understand to most of you in the Starcraft community this will not be a big deal to you, a surprise, or even anything of note. But to me, who has spent my whole life playing this game and who finally saw a dream pretty much come true, it's pretty meaningful. So I ask that whatever you feelings may be about me, my level of notoriety, my level of play, be set aside a bit.
Starcraft has been something that has defined my life for the past two and a half years, give or take. Being a Starcraft player was by far the most noteworthy thing I had going in my life. I didn't have a vibrant social life (I wasn't a loner but I didn't exactly spend a ton of time with my friends), I didn't do a whole lot of extracurricular activities throughout my high school years, and I didn't have a whole lot else that I was proud of about myself. You might think it kind of funny, but to a 15-17 year old kid, being able to make money playing a computer game was definitely the most exciting part of my life. I had loved Starcraft since I was a child (more on that), and I was able to meet tons of amazing people throughout my time in Starcraft. I don't have many regrets from my Starcraft experience, and although my high school life was not exactly what I might have wanted it to be, I still consider it very much to be time well spent. I learned a lot, made some money, grew in a lot of ways I didn't expect, and had something that I could be proud of.
There are a few reasons, though, that I've decided to call an end to my dedication to Starcraft. While this really isn't actually going to be a massive difference in how I spend my time, mentally it is an important turning point for me to put this out there. In recent months, I've wrestled with the idea in my head quite a bit, and a few things have been important considerations to me.
As I previously mentioned, Starcraft has been something that has defined me. Over the course of my life, I've had a bad habit of getting half decent at something, but then stopping when I actually had to begin to put the work in to reach a higher level. Chess and baseball were two of such activities and my adolescence. I didn't want this to happen again with Starcraft, the game I loved, so I made sure I gave it a fair shot and all my effort. I can't say I'm entirely satisfied with what I've accomplished, but I've reached a point where I can definitely say I'm satisfied with what I've done. I've been really hesitant to actually move on from Starcraft partially because I felt like there was really nothing else interesting about me as a person. I didn't have a lot else going on in my life, and I felt like if I threw away Starcraft, I would be letting myself wallow away into unproductivity and wasted time. Some people tell me that it's okay and that most people really don't do anything of worth in their high school years, but to me, I do like to have a little bit of feeling of self-accomplishment in some sense. At this point, I'm ready to take that chance and move on, and embrace new challenges with open arms. In recent months I've discovered how much I really enjoy singing and perhaps even acting, and I'm looking to get more involved in those activities now and in college next year. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life yet (not singing or acting, but they're fun!) and I'm looking forward to trying new things and having great new experiences. I'm still going to consider gaming and Starcraft a big part of myself, and I definitely plan to continue to contribute to the community in various ways in the future. I definitely also plan to be more socially active in the future and make sure I surround myself with lots of great people and always have things to do and places to be. I'm not planning to be too overambitious and stress myself out, it's mostly just a product of a bit of a new mindset towards my life that I'm hoping to take.
Another thing I've kind of fought with in the same vein is whether or not I really consider myself a player of note... to elaborate, I've always felt a little insulted when people say things like "oh, you still play?" even when I'm actively playing. Kind of like people just assumed I faded away and retired, which to be fair, isn't entirely surprising - I indeed have not been relevant in nearly a year. My last major offline tournament was MLG Anaheim/WCS America in June 2012 (which was actually one of the best experiences of my life). For my own self-worth, I'd like to just cast off this label of someone trying to be a professional player and just allow myself to enjoy the game properly once again. I'm just going to be another good player, another person who loves that adrenaline rush jumping into a 1v1 game of Starcraft. I'd like to just throw myself into the deep end and feel no regret and hesitation for what I've done instead of halfassing it for months and months.
Another thing I'm going to start doing is streaming more, but not Starcraft. I'm just going to enjoy streaming whatever I feel like and hanging out with anyone who finds me entertaining, instead of worrying that people will always ask me why I'm not practicing or whatever. I've been really into Hardcore Diablo 3 again lately and I would have loved to stream it, but I was always a little embarrassed that I was spending time on that instead of Starcraft. I just want to do what I love and embrace whatever community I can be a part of. So I'll be streaming D3 soon! I know everybody got tired of it a year ago, but who cares, I have fun. I'll also probably do some LoL or DotA 2 fun times in the near future. It'll be great! (Dear TL admins: move my featured stream to Other, please! I'd hope I can still keep my feature as a contributing member of the community along with my past.)
I'd like to reiterate that I'm definitely not leaving the Starcraft community, and honestly, I wouldn't rule out another stint of competition in the future if the time was right. I made this post out to be a way bigger deal than it is, but I needed to do that for the state of my mindset. It's something that has been on my mind constantly and stressed me out a significant amount.
I'd like to end this post with a few thank yous to everyone who has supported me in any way throughout my time as a semi-professional player.
Thanks of course to Teamliquid, the forums, community, staff, and everyone who makes Starcraft worth playing. Teamliquid to me is what defines the Starcraft universe.
Thanks to everyone who has watched my stream, sent me a message on battle.net, bought some coaching, posted a nice comment about me, etc... the support of people like you is what allows people like me to do great things.
Thanks to all my friends and family in real life who have supported me. I've never once had someone tell me I'm a nerd or wasting my time when I told them I play a computer game professionally, and that is a luxury that only someone living in today's world can have.
Thanks to all my teammates, managers, and friends in the competitive gaming world. Being part of that community as well as the greater Starcraft community has been an absolutely wonderful experience, and I hope I can still participate in many ways.
Thanks to my friend Sharon for being my biggest supporter throughout my pursuit of success.
I've never really talked with you, and I initially thought you were just an annoying kid, but you proved to be quite professional and level headed. Good luck with singing/acting/college and whatever else you choose to do.
On April 15 2013 14:18 Masq wrote: I've never really talked with you, and I initially thought you were just an annoying kid, but you proved to be quite professional and level headed. Good luck with singing/acting/college and whatever else you choose to do.
ps edit: sorry for being judgmental
Haha, tyvm, glad you think so. As unfortunate as it is, I am a bit used to being judged that way =p.
I met pokebunny at the broodwar wcg USA finals 2009. If you think he's young now, imagine what he looked/sounded like then. A few of us were watching some match and poke started making some comments. At first I was thinking "who is this kid.. does he even play starcraft" but I listened and quickly realized he actually knew what the heck he was talking about. A few weeks later his named started popping up in places and he started becoming relevant in broodwar from what I remember.
Come starcraft 2, and now he's a dedicated and experienced gamer, already. During the beta I got paired up against him tvp on desert oasis. I got fucking rolled. He was completely manner and said something like 'man hydras are so op right now.' Such a class act. And obviously an up an comer in sc2.
Then his success started getting to his head a bit and I was worried he was going to become like Lindsay Lohan but fortunately that didn't happen.
Poke, I'm glad you took the time to write out your thoughts on this issue. Your career has not been so insignificant that you don't deserve some recognition for your accomplishments, by any means. I wish you luck in your future endeavors but am glad you plan to stick around.
PS thanks for catching that computer I almost knocked on the floor.
On April 15 2013 14:22 micronesia wrote: Here I'll put an afterward...
I met pokebunny at the broodwar wcg USA finals 2009. If you think he's young now, imagine what he looked/sounded like then. A few of us were watching some match and poke started making some comments. At first I was thinking "who is this kid.. does he even play starcraft" but I listened and quickly realized he actually knew what the heck he was talking about. A few weeks later his named started popping up in places and he started becoming relevant in broodwar from what I remember.
Come starcraft 2, and now he's a dedicated and experienced gamer, already. During the beta I got paired up against him tvp on desert oasis. I got fucking rolled. He was completely manner and said something like 'man hydras are so op right now.' Such a class act. And obviously an up an comer in sc2.
Then his success started getting to his head a bit and I was worried he was going to become like Lindsay Lohan but fortunately that didn't happen.
Poke, I'm glad you took the time to write out your thoughts on this issue. Your career has not been so insignificant that you don't deserve some recognition for your accomplishments, by any means. I wish you luck in your future endeavors but am glad you plan to stick around.
PS thanks for catching that computer I almost knocked on the floor.
Haha thanks a lot. Great blast from the past and much appreciated. I'm glad I'm not Lindsay Lohan but tbh for that kind of money I probably wouldn't give a damn what people think of me anymore.
On April 15 2013 14:22 micronesia wrote: Here I'll put an afterward...
I met pokebunny at the broodwar wcg USA finals 2009. If you think he's young now, imagine what he looked/sounded like then. A few of us were watching some match and poke started making some comments. At first I was thinking "who is this kid.. does he even play starcraft" but I listened and quickly realized he actually knew what the heck he was talking about. A few weeks later his named started popping up in places and he started becoming relevant in broodwar from what I remember.
Come starcraft 2, and now he's a dedicated and experienced gamer, already. During the beta I got paired up against him tvp on desert oasis. I got fucking rolled. He was completely manner and said something like 'man hydras are so op right now.' Such a class act. And obviously an up an comer in sc2.
Then his success started getting to his head a bit and I was worried he was going to become like Lindsay Lohan but fortunately that didn't happen.
Poke, I'm glad you took the time to write out your thoughts on this issue. Your career has not been so insignificant that you don't deserve some recognition for your accomplishments, by any means. I wish you luck in your future endeavors but am glad you plan to stick around.
PS thanks for catching that computer I almost knocked on the floor.
Wow if Poke went Lindsay Lohan I might have to pay some paparazzi.
Hey man, sometimes you need some time off it. I'm just glad that you're sticking with the community, even if your competitive focus is taking a back seat (I still pity the foo' who don't see Pokebunny as a threat on the ladder)! I'd miss you too much on the SC2 and Diablo sides of things- so I'm happy knowing you're still with us.
Stay classy, good luck in the future: be it singing, acting, and college!
I had the pleasure meeting you at that LAN tournament last year, and losing to you in the finals. To this day, that is my proudest moment of playing SC2, despite me losing 0-3. You are the best friend I've made in Starcraft, and even though we don't hang out or talk too much I still consider you a good friend of mine. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future~!
StarCraft can still be something that defines you even if you are not training hardcore 24/7. When I was in high school and freshman year of college I was very passionate about StarCraft and it was something that defined me, even if I hadn't broken out or anything. As long as you continue to love Starcraft it will be part of who you are, and eventually you will learn how it fits into your life (as I am trying to figure out myself as well right now). Plus, at your age you've still got a long time to continue playing Starcraft. If you keep playing and maintaining competitiveness, eventually you may just find that you've gotten that edge back in your play once again
@RyanRushia - thanks a ton! was great to meet you back at NESC2
@Mudkipnick - definitely consider you a good friend fsho thanks a lot!
@LeperKahn - it's been a long ass time haha. I miss our games back in the day!!!! Thanks a lot
@Superiorwolf - definitely, and that's a reason I've been really hesitant to make this post - because I really still consider Starcraft to be a big part of me, but I just needed to get this label out of my head of being a competitive player. I definitely know what you mean though and I will always love Starcraft :D good luck to you too sir!
Thanks for being one of two people I can point to and be like "hey I used to be in the same clan as that guy and now he's good." Get on skype every once in awhile.
Nice try, but singing and acting? Okay. I've certainly never seen you act or sing but if you think the competition was tough in Starcraft you have another thing coming. Show business is even harder! D:
Does this mean that you're not coming to the New York community meetups anymore?
Do whatever makes you satisfied with yourself. Learn new things and you'll always have those memories with Starcraft (past and future). I remember you carrying me in Heroes of Newerth, where I was terrible and made questionable decisions with the stack of other TeamLiquid forum users. Also the fact that we split those SC2BW games. Those were fun times.
On April 15 2013 14:51 StarStruck wrote: Nice try, but singing and acting? Okay. I've certainly never seen you act or sing but if you think the competition was tough in Starcraft you have another thing coming. Show business is even harder! D:
Haha. I didn't mean it as something for my career - reading it again it was a bit misleading. I guess what I meant is mostly that I'm looking forward to finding new hobbies and activities to spend my time in.
I actually never understood why you and many other NA pros stick so long to progaming when there is no hope to ever achieve anything on a global scale - this would frustrate me endlessly. The only time i had interest in watching your games was probably in the TSL3 qualifiers.
Good read; I wish you the best of luck with college and the rest of you future endeavors. That being said, I hope to still see you around at local events, even if you aren't competing.
First heard of you as the really, really young guy from NYC several years ago. You've been a great ambassador to Starcraft II, yourself and young gamers internationally.
Would you have delayed not made this decision had WCS remained Region locked providing players such as yourself more realistic opportunity to compete in such a prestigious tournament?
the vid also reminds me of this beautiful video I've made
Anyways, gl for the future pokebunny, what you have accomplished in SC2 really is something to be proud of. You were at a lvl that over 99.9% of all SC2 gamers wish to be at.
It was fun watching and following you, but its more important that you pursue what's best for you at this time.
You know what, look at it this way. Your experience and pursuit of progaming is kinda like a surrogate for other people's desires to do so (or mine, at least) in that, I didn't have the capacity to realistically pursue that goal while younger. But I can watch, follow, and support you - who does. And its great, because it reminds me of another time, when I'd play BW really competitively and focus only on that, dreaming of being a SC2 progamer. So, you've played out one of my hearts deepest desires, so if anything, it's been refreshing watching your journey.
But:
I definitely also plan to be more socially active in the future and make sure I surround myself with lots of great people and always have things to do and places to be.
This was very much my attitude when I transitioned BW->College (and yep I dun seen your College Acceptance Thread Posts). And you know what? Watch out to not bounce back too far in the other direction too. I was really absorbed with BW in HS, so I rebounded really hard. I replaced the passion I had for gaming with lots and lots of social involvement. But I substituted badly. I overcompensated for my previous lack of engagement, with what I'd say was 'too much' involvement. Going cold-turkey on playing (BW), I got involved in 15+ activities/meetings a week (2 committees). On top of living in a flat and skipping ahead a year in College.
Big change, but it came too fast and I didn't cope well. I was too involved, and never had any time for studying, or even resting, because I was too busy "always hav[ing] things to do". I still haven't managed to strike a ballance, what leaves me enough time to read, play with puzzles, or relax. So in departing from heavy gaming, be careful to not over-compensate, thus overload your facilities and make yourself crash. I would be so worn out and stressed, I felt too guilty to study or relax properly, and so I'd relapse into playing sporadically and watching useless streams I really didn't care for (but that were 'something to do, to fuel my need for comfort, by relapsing to gaming addiction') till the early hours of the morning.
Get this: it is good to open up and be more involved with people, but be sure to not take too much too quickly, thus stifling your own growth because you're too focused on trying to become something different, rather than allowing yourself time and space to grow/relax. Surrounding myself with tons of people and commitments didn't make things all that much better. They were different, yes, and 'more social', but you've got to be careful to do it right.
GL in the future Poke, just be careful of what bITt said above me, it is very easy to fall into that trap. Add on slowly, and make sure you can handle everything in your new styled life .
I remember way back in WoL when we matched up against one another several times when I was addicted to Phoenix play. I took an edge in the first game eventually taking it late in a macro game but got trashed in the second when my build was known.
GL with your future Pokebunny and I definitely wouldn't say no to a rematch in whatever micro wars game. (Long as I get Monk on my team!).
Good luck Nick! I hope you'll still find time for a few games here and there, even I still find time despite my life changing quite a bit over the past year.
Hey Poke, I haven't heard you cast often but I usually enjoyed it a lot. Would you consider applying for the position at SPL? :D
Also I seem to remember an all-matchups grudge match of you against another GM player in which you absolutely crusherized him, was pretty fun to watch.
If I recall correctly, I think you've specifically stated several times that you dislike me. ;;
Nevertheless, I would be a fool to not thank you for all your hard work, time, and effort you've contributed for the world of eSports. It's a shame to see you leave the gaming life but it's reassuring to know that at least you'll still be involved within the eSports world. Thanks for all the hard work you've done.
Hope to see more TL write ups/recaps from you soon!
On April 16 2013 01:10 Seeker wrote: If I recall correctly, I think you've specifically stated several times that you dislike me. ;;
Nevertheless, I would be a fool to not thank you for all your hard work, time, and effort you've contributed for the world of eSports. It's a shame to see you leave the gaming life but it's reassuring to know that at least you'll still be involved within the eSports world. Thanks for all the hard work you've done.
Hope to see more TL write ups/recaps from you soon!
Poke... you were the best player I ever played against in my days of playing SC2! Plus you let me take an ssd for getting 2nd over whatever the other inferior prize option was at Pax East. Best of luck.
Just a fan who used to watch your stream in late 2011 when you were becoming really popular. Although you've fallen quite a bit from the limelight, your write-ups for SPL and other teamliquid contributions deserve my respect, gl in your future Mr. Pbunny!
I rarely say this about anyone, but I can say that Pokebunny is a quality and manner human being, really smart and kind and I expect him to excel in whatever endeavor he chooses.
I know this because Iong ago I pmed him about a showmatch with my kid brother that was starting to get good at starcraft, He replied almost inmediately and was very helpful and willing to play my unknown brother (when other semi pros usually go all celebrity and get very exclusive ignoring people). Needless to say my bro got roflstomped and learned a huge lesson in being humble, for that Im very thankful.
He goes by the handle josh and told me you guys played again and it was more close. Maybe you remember.
Anyways I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. I realize progaming is not a viable career path for everyone specially a smart educated kid like you that has almost assured success in a more traditional career.
Know that you have fans even in El Salvador, and that your gaming career has made such impact to be known even here.
Best of luck, keep us updated in whatever you decide to do.
On April 16 2013 01:10 Seeker wrote: If I recall correctly, I think you've specifically stated several times that you dislike me. ;;
Nevertheless, I would be a fool to not thank you for all your hard work, time, and effort you've contributed for the world of eSports. It's a shame to see you leave the gaming life but it's reassuring to know that at least you'll still be involved within the eSports world. Thanks for all the hard work you've done.
Hope to see more TL write ups/recaps from you soon!
On April 15 2013 22:44 bITt.mAN wrote: It was fun watching and following you, but its more important that you pursue what's best for you at this time.
You know what, look at it this way. Your experience and pursuit of progaming is kinda like a surrogate for other people's desires to do so (or mine, at least) in that, I didn't have the capacity to realistically pursue that goal while younger. But I can watch, follow, and support you - who does. And its great, because it reminds me of another time, when I'd play BW really competitively and focus only on that, dreaming of being a SC2 progamer. So, you've played out one of my hearts deepest desires, so if anything, it's been refreshing watching your journey.
I definitely also plan to be more socially active in the future and make sure I surround myself with lots of great people and always have things to do and places to be.
This was very much my attitude when I transitioned BW->College (and yep I dun seen your College Acceptance Thread Posts). And you know what? Watch out to not bounce back too far in the other direction too. I was really absorbed with BW in HS, so I rebounded really hard. I replaced the passion I had for gaming with lots and lots of social involvement. But I substituted badly. I overcompensated for my previous lack of engagement, with what I'd say was 'too much' involvement. Going cold-turkey on playing (BW), I got involved in 15+ activities/meetings a week (2 committees). On top of living in a flat and skipping ahead a year in College.
Big change, but it came too fast and I didn't cope well. I was too involved, and never had any time for studying, or even resting, because I was too busy "always hav[ing] things to do". I still haven't managed to strike a ballance, what leaves me enough time to read, play with puzzles, or relax. So in departing from heavy gaming, be careful to not over-compensate, thus overload your facilities and make yourself crash. I would be so worn out and stressed, I felt too guilty to study or relax properly, and so I'd relapse into playing sporadically and watching useless streams I really didn't care for (but that were 'something to do, to fuel my need for comfort, by relapsing to gaming addiction') till the early hours of the morning.
Get this: it is good to open up and be more involved with people, but be sure to not take too much too quickly, thus stifling your own growth because you're too focused on trying to become something different, rather than allowing yourself time and space to grow/relax. Surrounding myself with tons of people and commitments didn't make things all that much better. They were different, yes, and 'more social', but you've got to be careful to do it right.
Nick first off best of luck in whatever you do in the future! I'm really glad that you were able to come on Sc2 Up & Coming right after the Its GoSu merger with quantic and 4Nothing, I just wish I could have hung out and chatted with you at an event.
Hopefully sometime in 2013 we can cast together though!
Hey, it's great that you want to evolve yourself as an individual. Great props to you for that, as we get older we all need to develop new hobbies and passions.
But i want to mention that having a passion for starcraft is perfectly fine! from my personal experience, i would say 80-90% of the people i meet have no passion at all except for watching tv/movies/going out with friends. As soon as their not busy with school work they'd party or "go out". Having a passion or hobby for anything is fantastic and makes you more interesting and classier than just talking about how drunk you were last weekend.
Also, just in my personal experience I think it's important to be social, but more importantly just enough social skills to not be awkward so you can land yourself a job in the future. You can go out with friends if you actually have fun like going to movies every weekend or going to bars or hookah or parties or w/e they do. However, if you feel out of place that's totally fine, just accept yourself. For me, when i was a first year in college, I always attended these parties that my friends went to but i totally felt out of place. It took me a couple of years to realize that I was just an introvert and there are more of people like myself.
all in all, go out and experiment whatever you want, maybe you'll really love singing/acting and wanna make that more of a hobby or develop that talent to the best of you abilities, who knows. Good luck mate!
Never got to meet you (since I'm in NYC area) but you always seemed "professional" to me. I wish I could have made it out to one of those LANs in Flushing.
Maybe you can still coach, with your rep it may be a few small bucks that may help you out without taking too much time?
EPT
I'll also probably do some LoL or DotA 2 fun times in the near future. It'll be great! (Dear TL admins: move my featured stream to Other, please! I'd hope I can still keep my feature as a contributing member of the community along with my past.)
![[image loading]](http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/4686/photolrk.jpg)
Dat Bisu Earring!
