I have never understood why some parents behave this way; they should understand that they really don't have the power in this relationship. If my wife and my mother didn't get along, the only thing that would change is that we would visit less often, and my mother would see her son and (more importantly) grand children less often. My mother realized this when we were still kids, and was always careful not to try to play (anti- ) matchmaker. Maybe your mom could use a (gentle, kind) reminder of this?

739

Bearded Elder29904 Posts

February 12 2013 07:48 GMT

#22

You cannot change that, some parents, especially mothers are just like that and it won't change in 90% of cases.

BTW, how can You pretend Your sleeping throughout the whole thing when Your mother is 'attacking' girlfriend You brought home with You? Jesus I can't even imagine, either Your brother doesn't give a fuck about her or he's a shy pussy. You always cover back of Your g/f not allowing Your mother to offend her in any situation.
At least that's how my friends always behaved, because I've never had problems with mom and my g/f.

Zealously

East Gorteau22261 Posts

February 12 2013 07:55 GMT

#23

I'm not Chinese and so I imagine family culture for me is quite different, but my parents are free to judge girls I bring home. After all, they are entitled to their own opinions. However, if they start actively "harassing"(I guess we could call it that in your brother's case), I'd tell them to cut it right there. If the relationship is not serious I might consider clarifying that; but I'm not really comfortable discussing my emotions with my parents, either.

I guess, in general, I'd just hope that the mother-girlfriend chemistry works.

Monsen

Germany2548 Posts

February 12 2013 10:02 GMT

#24

On February 12 2013 08:21 Shady Sands wrote:
What do you do when your parents start judging your girlfriend as a prospective daughter-in-law?

You tell them you're old enough to make your own choices (almost being 30 should be a clue) and to stfu. This is not only massively disrespectful towards the girl but to your brother too.

SkytoM

Austria1137 Posts

February 12 2013 10:22 GMT

#25

On February 12 2013 08:34 sam!zdat wrote:

Show nested quote +

Pretend to sleep through the whole thing.

elKaDor

Sweden376 Posts

February 12 2013 10:34 GMT

#26

Well, imo parents should be happy as long as their child is happy, this aint anything they should care about that way since its actually ur choice (if she's not some WT hippie etc then ofc they can have something to blame)

Never had any issues about my parents and girlfriends so i can't add anything though

elKaDor

Sweden376 Posts

February 12 2013 10:36 GMT

#27

On February 12 2013 16:55 Zealously wrote:
I'm not Chinese and so I imagine family culture for me is quite different, but my parents are free to judge girls I bring home. After all, they are entitled to their own opinions. However, if they start actively "harassing"(I guess we could call it that in your brother's case), I'd tell them to cut it right there. If the relationship is not serious I might consider clarifying that; but I'm not really comfortable discussing my emotions with my parents, either.

I guess, in general, I'd just hope that the mother-girlfriend chemistry works.

+1, if it doesnt work then it will suck, but i do for sure think that in a swedish family they pretty much adapt and will try to appreciate the girlfriend

Kanaz

Denmark658 Posts

February 12 2013 10:54 GMT

#28

So you describe your mom: "but overall a person who very much believes in the fundamental good nature of humanity. She gets really unhappy when people display what she considers immoral or amoral behavior (which was the root of most her and my own conflict growing up)."
And then the next part is about her picking on your brothers girlfriend, in a situation which probably is very uncomfortable just as it is (visiting gf/bf's parents first time etc.).
It doesn't make sense, but the way of moms can't be explained logical i guess.
Anyways, you should always stand up against your parents in a situation like this, you are not a child anymore and you shouldn't tolerate things like this. Imagine if it was the other way around, they would get so mad.

shirtman

178 Posts

February 12 2013 12:06 GMT

#29

More than anything else I recommend you to NOT become like your parents.

You walked half that way since you recognize your mother's behaviour but you fail to confront or even stop her from abusing a guest and a girl in very vulnerable situations where she even offered her help and was close to crying.

llIH

Norway2147 Posts

February 12 2013 13:39 GMT

#30

Inappropriate to talk down about someone like that. Even if it was a stranger. The goal was just to mock the girl. Parents should not behave like that. At least not in front of the subject. They could at least have talked like that when she left to show some respect.

niteReloaded

Croatia5282 Posts

February 12 2013 13:42 GMT

#31

I would tell her "One more sentence in that tone, and we're both leaving. You're being hostile to someone who is dear to me. If you really love me, you will accept her when it's clear I accepted her."

FraCuS

United States1072 Posts

February 12 2013 13:52 GMT

#32

Sounds a lot like my mom, "WHY YOU GO FOR WHITE GIRL?"

*sigh* leave me be mom lol

Kickboxer

Slovenia1308 Posts

February 12 2013 13:53 GMT

#33

You confront mommy and tell her she's being an obnoxious bitch

Burrfoot

United States1176 Posts

February 12 2013 14:35 GMT

#34

As a middle male child in a Chinese family I can just say that your girlfriends don't matter. Oldest son gets most of the burden of producing the next male in the family and why your mom turned psycho. I myself married a white girl and all my mom cared about what what school she went to. But white girls have nice birthing hips (rough translation for sure)

Ps - when I read te thread title I thought it would be about you marrying your sister. >_>

herMan

Japan2057 Posts

February 12 2013 16:01 GMT

#35

Goddammit when are you gonna release another last bonjwa article!? (offtopic)

fire_brand

Canada1123 Posts

February 12 2013 16:16 GMT

#36

Eldest Son most important son.

Also it could be that because you're younger it could be they don't see your girlfriends as prospective wives, but your older brother's they do. Anyways if that girl didn't already leave your brother than nothing's going to drive her away and he might wanna cut ties now if he's not serious. Otherwise should turn into one of those psycho clingy hyper dependent girls that he won't be able to get rid of.

FromShouri

United States862 Posts

February 12 2013 16:21 GMT

#37

Since I never had this problem because I nipped it in the butt early on(why don't you bring your girlfriends over anymore? Well...remember that ONE time....) That said even though your brother doesn't want to "marry" her and is just using her for easy poontang the advice is mute, but should he of wanted to marry her, I'd kindly remind them that he can just as easily not marry anyone ever and kill the blood line since it is his "job" to have the first male son since he was the first male son,

emythrel

United Kingdom2599 Posts

February 12 2013 17:23 GMT

#38

I've never had this issue myself, my and my mum really don't get along well (we are better now but thats mainly cause I don't give a shit anymore and don't rise to the bait) and I tell all my gf's that we dont get along. All of them without fail have spent most of the time with my mum ripping the shit out of me and laughing about the stupid things I do, this gievs them a great bond and make my mum like them.

so I would suggest that if you get along with your mum, get ur gf to be nice about you, if you dont get along with ur mum, get her to take the piss out of you. If these things don't work, tell your mum to get her nose out of your love life, and then make some comment about how your dad's mum doesn't like her!

pigmanbear

Angola2010 Posts

February 12 2013 17:42 GMT

#39

Sorry, but your mother just sounds horrible (not generally, but here). It's a shame so many parents have to be this way when "their little baby" is somehow threatened in their mother-bear/father-of-the-pride mind. One guy here said "tell her off" in so many words, but I'd expect anybody so brazen to not give a damn and just take it out more on you.

This is a job for your brother. He needs to tell your mother that she already got to pick a mate, and that he's not seeking her full-fledged "approval" in this way.

And god, I hope he doesn't bring this girl by again any time soon, it sounds like she's nice.

How embarrassing. Stuff like this makes me sick to my stomach.

JieXian

Malaysia4677 Posts

February 12 2013 18:37 GMT

#40

ermm sorry if it sounds naive but if he isn't even serious about her... why bring her back home in the first place?

did she say something like “你们有工作做吗?” haha