First, and probably the biggest, my grades are garbage. Granted I made a rally late in my second MP2 to get no Cs and get my averages Bs at least, but the truth is, I've tried so hard, yet I get the same results. Night after night, I'd see myself looking at the time passing farther and farther into the next day. 1:00, 1:30, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00... The time never stopped. My body suffered. I've been with some sort of sickness since last December now, whether it be a fever, sore throat, stuffy nose, weakness, etc. And it kills me, knowing everything I've done hasn't improved my score all that much. And thus, I died a little on the inside, and gave up.
Second, my parents. Almost everyday, they would either yell at each other, or yell at me. Nothing could stop them. Even when I did well on a test or did something right, they would still be on my ass, or when someone made a small mistake, they would yell at each other. Surrounded by these screams and yelling, I could barely focus. I couldn't fix anything. I was a worthless child to them. And thus, I died a little on the inside, and gave up.
Finally, it was my relationship. Something I thought was a truthful, regular relationship that had gone its course. But I was wrong. After my -ex posted on facebook that she liked this guy a lot (and she went really far with this, posting like a whole rant on how much she liked him blah blah), I decided to ask her again, why she broke up. And this time, I discovered... that she liked said person for a while, "ever since she saw him". What did this mean? Well it meant my relationship was a lie. It meant my heart could not take this. And thus, I died a little on the inside, and gave up.
I was never a sad child, never one to give up. It was a new experience for me to feel so powerless... to feel so useless to life. I had believed myself to be a waste of life, someone so pointless to society. I meant nothing to anyone, and in turn, nothing meant anything to me.
But I've found something. I've found something special to me, something that re-ignited the passion I used to have for life. It... was speedcubing. My history for speedcubing had been a successful one in my eyes, though probably a really shitty one to others. I had obtained an average from 21-24 seconds, with a record of 17.86 seconds. But after sophmore year ended, I almost never picked up my cube again... until now.
marvel at my paint skills
I had always wanted to go to a competition, but usually never had the time, nor the resources (AKA driving) to the events. To find out that the venue was in Princeton University (a mere 10 minutes from where I live) was like a calling from God. It was my destiny to go.
And thus, I began to believe in myself again. I started practicing again, really damn hard. I ordered a better cube, even the professional speed stack timer. I had gotten my average down to low 21s, even high 20s. I even got a new record yesterday of 15.62 seconds.
I believe I have found it. Finally, the source of motivation I've been looking for for so long...
My Saving Grace.