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My Saving Grace

Blogs > FlaShFTW
Post a Reply
FlaShFTW
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States10149 Posts
February 09 2013 16:39 GMT
#1
Two weeks ago, I suffered from the worst depression of my life. But it wasn't stemming from one thing, It came from many things in my life that contributed to this. I don't expect anyone to sympathize with me, I just want to tell my story.

First, and probably the biggest, my grades are garbage. Granted I made a rally late in my second MP2 to get no Cs and get my averages Bs at least, but the truth is, I've tried so hard, yet I get the same results. Night after night, I'd see myself looking at the time passing farther and farther into the next day. 1:00, 1:30, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00... The time never stopped. My body suffered. I've been with some sort of sickness since last December now, whether it be a fever, sore throat, stuffy nose, weakness, etc. And it kills me, knowing everything I've done hasn't improved my score all that much. And thus, I died a little on the inside, and gave up.

Second, my parents. Almost everyday, they would either yell at each other, or yell at me. Nothing could stop them. Even when I did well on a test or did something right, they would still be on my ass, or when someone made a small mistake, they would yell at each other. Surrounded by these screams and yelling, I could barely focus. I couldn't fix anything. I was a worthless child to them. And thus, I died a little on the inside, and gave up.

Finally, it was my relationship. Something I thought was a truthful, regular relationship that had gone its course. But I was wrong. After my -ex posted on facebook that she liked this guy a lot (and she went really far with this, posting like a whole rant on how much she liked him blah blah), I decided to ask her again, why she broke up. And this time, I discovered... that she liked said person for a while, "ever since she saw him". What did this mean? Well it meant my relationship was a lie. It meant my heart could not take this. And thus, I died a little on the inside, and gave up.

I was never a sad child, never one to give up. It was a new experience for me to feel so powerless... to feel so useless to life. I had believed myself to be a waste of life, someone so pointless to society. I meant nothing to anyone, and in turn, nothing meant anything to me.

But I've found something. I've found something special to me, something that re-ignited the passion I used to have for life. It... was speedcubing. My history for speedcubing had been a successful one in my eyes, though probably a really shitty one to others. I had obtained an average from 21-24 seconds, with a record of 17.86 seconds. But after sophmore year ended, I almost never picked up my cube again... until now.

[image loading]
marvel at my paint skills

I had always wanted to go to a competition, but usually never had the time, nor the resources (AKA driving) to the events. To find out that the venue was in Princeton University (a mere 10 minutes from where I live) was like a calling from God. It was my destiny to go.

And thus, I began to believe in myself again. I started practicing again, really damn hard. I ordered a better cube, even the professional speed stack timer. I had gotten my average down to low 21s, even high 20s. I even got a new record yesterday of 15.62 seconds.

I believe I have found it. Finally, the source of motivation I've been looking for for so long...

My Saving Grace.

***
Writer#1 KT and FlaSh Fanboy || Woo Jung Ho Never Forget || Teamliquid Political Decision Desk
TL+ Member
fatfail
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States386 Posts
February 09 2013 17:24 GMT
#2
Sure, cubing might be fun and help motivate you, but can you earn money and make a living off it? You still need to set your priorities straight. And by that, I mean that studying is probably more important than cubing.
Kong fan... <3 Stork <3 Jangbi <3 Yellow <3 Fantasy
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
February 09 2013 17:26 GMT
#3
lighten up dude, let the man have his happiness
shikata ga nai
Genuis
Profile Joined July 2011
United States13 Posts
February 09 2013 17:56 GMT
#4
that's tough, but i hope things get better for you. while i don't know you personally, i believe can do it. try to focus on being constantly grateful or help someone who really needs it. it'll make you happier as well
FlaShFTW
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States10149 Posts
February 09 2013 17:57 GMT
#5
On February 10 2013 02:24 fatfail wrote:
Sure, cubing might be fun and help motivate you, but can you earn money and make a living off it? You still need to set your priorities straight. And by that, I mean that studying is probably more important than cubing.

i dont think you understand my position right now...
Writer#1 KT and FlaSh Fanboy || Woo Jung Ho Never Forget || Teamliquid Political Decision Desk
TL+ Member
Kommatiazo
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States579 Posts
February 09 2013 22:23 GMT
#6
Speed cubing is the shit and is SUPER hard dude, good for you (I've goofed around with it but have never tried for real, but I do know how impressive your times are, sort of. Anyway, PROPS DUDE!). Glad to here you're on the way up now. Who gives a fuck if you're gonna turn your happiness into cash. I'm excited for you just because you have found something rad enough to get you going again. Looking forward to an update post competition! GL HF!
"You must enemy don't know, and very good micro" - Bosstoss #Wet4Ret
FlaShFTW
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States10149 Posts
February 09 2013 23:13 GMT
#7
On February 10 2013 07:23 Kommatiazo wrote:
Speed cubing is the shit and is SUPER hard dude, good for you (I've goofed around with it but have never tried for real, but I do know how impressive your times are, sort of. Anyway, PROPS DUDE!). Glad to here you're on the way up now. Who gives a fuck if you're gonna turn your happiness into cash. I'm excited for you just because you have found something rad enough to get you going again. Looking forward to an update post competition! GL HF!

will make one pre-comp, and post-comp. :D thanks! yeah cubing is hard. i remember when i first started i could barely do the cube xD only about 4 years of cubing have i gotten to this point
Writer#1 KT and FlaSh Fanboy || Woo Jung Ho Never Forget || Teamliquid Political Decision Desk
TL+ Member
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
February 11 2013 02:55 GMT
#8
On February 10 2013 02:24 fatfail wrote:
Sure, cubing might be fun and help motivate you, but can you earn money and make a living off it? You still need to set your priorities straight. And by that, I mean that studying is probably more important than cubing.


The guy is depressed and he shouldn't enjoy something that he loves? Dafuq? Its not like he wants to go professional or something.

Don't listen to that guy FlashFTW, good on you for finding something you are passionate about, its one of the best things in life. Just like how I found specialty coffee.
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