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Gaining Weight ^_^

Blogs > dNa
Post a Reply
dNa
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Germany591 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-02-23 08:53:56
January 29 2013 01:43 GMT
#1
[should be funniest when read in Louis CK's Voice]

hi.

So i've been puttin on weight.

Some say they've been puttin on weight 'lately'.. but i don't lie like that. I've been puttin on weight, that's basically all I've ever done. My parents told me I wasn't like that before my sister was born. And that basically makes sense, i've been always competetive and lazy. Now gaining more weight is basically the only thing you can do when you really wanna beat someone at something but are too lazy to get up. Lazyness is even helpful with that!

Also we're remaking our house. you know, new heating units and shit. So i don't have a restroom on the floor my bedroom is in at the moment, which really fucking sucks. It means everytime i do a good job at both my hobbies; being lazy and gaining weight; i gotta pay for it in the middle of the night by going down the stairs to pee, which in return directly interferes with my 2 greatest hobbies; being lazy and gaining weight!

on the other hand it has his upsides... for example i was laying in bed the other night while i was forcing myself to not pee, and i was thinking to myself "man, houses and bodies are really fucking similar." You see, there is only so much stuff you can cram in both of them before you just gotta extend the area you're working with or throw some of the old shit out.

Throwing some shit you don't need anymore is the more common thing to do if you're say a bungalow in New Jersey. (as you can tell i really put alot of effort and thought into research to get the analogies _just_ right) - but if you're a human body you NEED all that stuff basically. i mean sure you could technically survive on one kidney and half a lung, but your body rarely understands the concept of giving up semi vital organs for cosmetic purposes.

So what it does is add to your building directly in your food storing area, which inconviniently is directly above your garage/entrance/carport whatever, and it of course waits so fucking long with the extension that it just looks fucking awful and rushed. It's also awfully planned.

You basically can't let anyone see it, and there are no people who wanna see it either. Also it fucks up your way to take the trash out. you know the hallways are stuffed with food no one eats so you basically have to throw some of it out in the middle of the night because you just know that by the next morning there will be no way to do it anymore!

and the worst thing is when you look down your house, real long and hard.. and just say 'DAMMIT I wanna see my carport again from up here.'


[I hope that entertained someone :x ^^]

***
"a pitchfork is for hay. a trident is for killing bitches." -djwheat
Vivax
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
22076 Posts
January 29 2013 01:53 GMT
#2
I don't know exactly what you want to tell us except that you and your house are stuffed with stuff and need to be extended, but I know we played a mafia game together.
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24718 Posts
January 29 2013 02:03 GMT
#3
I was gaining weight also. Some people diet when they go on cruises... f that. Eat whatever you want; drink whatever you want; lose the weight when you get home :D

Also touring burns some of the calories.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
LuckyFool
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States9015 Posts
January 29 2013 02:18 GMT
#4
just walk laps around the cruise ship after eating. Make sure to go up and down as many stairs as you can wherever possible.
Kevin_Sorbo
Profile Joined November 2011
Canada3217 Posts
January 29 2013 03:18 GMT
#5
I have been entertained. thank you sir.
The mind is like a parachute, it doesnt work unless its open. - Zappa
fire_brand
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Canada1123 Posts
January 29 2013 07:01 GMT
#6
Since I turned about 20 I havent' been able to gain a pound. I changed my diet a few times, tried working out, and tried not exercising. All I've got is digestive pains, injured, and out of shape respectively. Recently it's gotten so bad I'm actually losing weight.

I envy you.
Random player, pixel enthusiast, crappy illustrator, offlane/support
pharmasmita
Profile Joined September 2017
3 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-09-22 09:48:09
September 22 2017 09:04 GMT
#7
--- Nuked ---
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