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I'm in my first year of university in england doing mechanical engineering and I'm really enjoying the academic side of things but I've been here for 4 months now and I still don't seem to have found a group of people that I genuinely like.
I get on well with my flatmates and can spend time with them, I just don't enjoy it that much, they all have loads of bits of their personalities that I can't stand. One of them is really homophobic and refuses to talk to anyone that's gay, one of them talks like he thinks he knows better than everyone all the time and is just like a typical private school kid, and the other one just seems to complain about everything and only talk about himself. I can ignore all of these things and I do mostly, they are the people I know best, it's just underlying issues that I can't get over. And I don't seem to have met many people, as my halls is fairly empty compared to most and I don't really know what to do.
It wasn't until I went home for christmas and saw my proper friends again that I realised how little I care about anyone I've met at uni, and now I just feel sad that 4 months in haven't met anyone that I really like and it also seems like most peoples friendship groups are pretty much set and people don't want to meet new people as much anymore. The only way I can see myself meeting more people is joining a sport/society (which I'm scared of doing as it's half way through the year already and I'm not overly sporty, I can sail and kayak a bit but terrible at most everything else) or moving accommodation.
I'm thinking about moving into on campus accommodation (I'm currently in the city in off campus accommodation, still unviversity managed but about 30 minutes by bus from the main campus where the rest of the accommodation is) in an attempt to meet new people because I really can't see the situation improving here, the whole floor I'm on is quite empty (one flat is exchange students who don't talk to anyone, one is half empty and then there's mine with only 5 people in) and I've been saying to myself for months maybe it'll get better but it hasn't and I'm almost halfway through the year now. Also moving to that accommodation would get rid of annoying travel time and costs.
My main worry about moving is that we have to sort out housing for next year relatively soon and most people are already organised, I could live with the guys in my flat at the moment but I don't particularly want to and if I move I don't know how they'll react. I'm just worried that If I move onto campus I'll end up having noone to really live with so I'd have to live with random people I've never met. I do have other friends that I like more than my flatmates but they've all already sorted out who they're living with...
Also It could end up backfiring completely if I don't get on at all with my new housemates, I just don't know whether it's worth risking what I have at the moment for something which could be better or could be worse.
This has probably come out giving completely the wrong impression but if anyone has any advice, it'd be really appreciated.
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Try to meet different people?
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Outside of moving into campus accommodation, which should help a bit, a sport/society/club is your best bet. It might be a bit much to join mid-year as you mentioned, but better late than never given your current predicament.
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You don't need to move into dorms to meet new people.
so I'd have to live with random people I've never met.
Welcome to meeting new people.
Join Clubs.
Reach out to classmates in class.
It sounds more like you're expecting to meet friends without taking risks or going that extra mile. I started an entire StarCraft university club, help run five different executive positions + ran events and argue for funding by my student board just to meet new people.
It honestly doesn't take that much, but you definitely have to do more than just go in and out of class.
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- classmates
- other campus clubs (is there a Starcraft club/community?)
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Friendship groups = too much of a high school mentality. Go meet different people (see: classes & clubs). Sometimes it takes a couple years to build up anything meaningful though; I only met my first real friends at uni in 2nd/3rd year and started to get to know them better 4th year.
Also, it's really easy to fall into the mentality of high school friends = "proper friends" while everyone else = "just people I need to talk to until I go back home to meet my proper friends." Terrible way of thinking, and you may get stuck in a social rut if you keep looking at it that way.
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On January 28 2013 04:58 babylon wrote:
Friendship groups = too much of a high school mentality. Go meet different people (see: classes & clubs). Sometimes it takes a couple years to build up anything meaningful though; I only met my first real friends at uni in 2nd/3rd year and started to get to know them better 4th year.
Also, it's really easy to fall into the mentality of high school friends = "proper friends" while everyone else = "just people I need to talk to until I go back home to meet my proper friends." Terrible way of thinking, and you may get stuck in a social rut if you keep looking at it that way.
wrong, there are groups everywhere, what you are describng is just that you haeve no idea whati t means to have the real core, that's why you met people in 2nd and 3rd year only.
Sure, it's not liek hs where you practically never talk to someone else, you are more open and so are people, but the idea of core group does not change
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On January 28 2013 04:31 Torte de Lini wrote:You don't need to move into dorms to meet new people. Welcome to meeting new people. Join Clubs. Reach out to classmates in class. It sounds more like you're expecting to meet friends without taking risks or going that extra mile. I started an entire StarCraft university club, help run five different executive positions + ran events and argue for funding by my student board just to meet new people. It honestly doesn't take that much, but you definitely have to do more than just go in and out of class.
I have been trying to meet people since I've been here, moving is more of a last resort from it not really working out so far. It was all going well at the beginning of term, I was doing spanish extra curricular and meeting people in that and Engineers without borders doing practical work and stuff but then i got completely swamped with coursework for a month so I couldn't go and I just didn't really get back into it. I have got friends on my course but I'm always with one of the guys in my flat in my lectures because we live together and he's way more confident than I am so I feel kind of overshadowed, I know I just need to do more like joining clubs again or asking friends on my course to do stuff but I've been saying to myself that that's what I need to for months and it hasn't got anywhere yet... I'm terrified of just going and joining a club on my own, I know it'll be fine and I'll probably even enjoy it after a week or two but that doesn't make it any easier to actually do. I don't know. Thankyou for the input anyway, it's making me think about it in a different way 
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so I'd have to live with random people I've never met.
Welcome to the good side of life, trust me, do it.
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I would've recommended living on-campus dorms for the first year at least so you'd be on a floor with 30 other guys in the same situation. Not sure if that would have helped, but most univ have the option to be roomed in the same floor/dorm with other engineering folks. That's what I picked and it was a bunch of nerds playing D&D and Diablo 2, Rainbow Six, and Starcraft back in the day. Living in a house is a probably cheaper, but not worth it if you aren't that social and missing out on a bunch of first year failures. (with girls!)
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would you feel offended if I tol you that I was reading this blog in a brit voice inside my head?
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Why meet new people anyways. If you do, great! If not, who cares? Maybe that's just me though. I certainly don't go out of my way to socialize, but then I'm not a very social person to begin with. Godspeed to OP though!
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I don't know how the social scene works in England, but perhaps you can get something out of my US-based advice. Most of my good friends from college I met through class. I am an Electrical Engineering student, and most of my friends at college are also EE students. The way I met most of them was through having them as lab partners, or merely asking people if they wanted to work on homework together. It is less awkward to ask random people if they would like to work on homework at college as everyone pretty much has the same common interest: get good grades and learn as much as possible. You generally learn better and do better on homework assignments when you work with a group of people, so you might as well try. It also helped that I pretty much went through 70% of my classes with the same 40-50 people. Don't over think it, just work with what's at your disposal. Good luck.
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I used to speak to everyone at uni, I think at least 70% of my social interactions ended up with them thinking I was a wierdo. Classes, lifts, walks to uni, uni bar, library, cafe, flatmates, random people in coridoor, the washing room.
Three years later a group of us moved into 3 houses and the majority of people knew eachother through me.
Just put yourself out there, go to random parties etc.
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EPT
